“He’s in Grandamere’s cottage,” Freydil said. “I’ve seen him there.”
“You’ve been spying on him, no doubt,” her mother said.
“No!”
“Aye, you and your brothers go down there when you should be doing your chores. And me like this and not able to clean a thing. Yes, I know what you’re up to.”
“He’s asked about you,” Freydil said to me. “Shall I take you to him?”
“No, you most certainly shall not!” Eugrid said. “He’s got enough on his mind as it is. He doesn’t need someone like Olive distracting him.”
“Rolf?” I said, still trying to process the information. “He gave the crown to Rolf?”
“Yes,” Heidel said. “Obviously, he is not in his right mind, but I can’t say that I am surprised. His foul mood has only grown worse since his failure with the fairies, and I had hoped he was beginning to come out of his dark stupor.”
What in the world was he thinking? Rolf? The boy was barely a man. He had no practical sense. He may as well have given the crown to the T-rex fossil he stole, wherever he put the outlandish thing.
“I need to go,” I said. “I’m sorry, but I am afraid I must speak with him. After I bathe.”
“You can’t go,” Eugrid said. “He must sort through this on his own, and I’m afraid you will only remind him of our father’s death. It is not easy for him to be around you.”
“But,” Heidel said, “it may be wise to let her speak with him.”
“Why?”
“Because she may be able to make him see reason.”
I held back a laugh. “See reason? I don’t think so. I infuriate him more than anything else.”
“Then it’s right that she stay in the castle and not go to him. We must let him be. I will send fresh clothing and towels, and more bread if you wish. Come,” she said, turning to her daughter, “we must let her rest.”
Freydil followed her mother out of the room, but Heidel stayed behind. After the sound of their footsteps disappeared down the hall, she turned to me.
“You don’t believe me when I say that you make my brother see reason?”
“No. Not at all.”
She lifted an eyebrow. “Then perhaps you don’t see yourself the way I do.”
“How do you see me?”
“I see you as someone who has the potential to make my brother a better person.”
“Why is that?”
“Because you understand him in ways that others do not. You are not the only person to have this ability, so please do not suppose I believe you to have an exceptional gift. Ket knows how to reason with him, too, most of the time. Our mother also has this ability, although they are both at the Northland keep at present. Thus, the responsibility falls to you. My sisters and I are not able to make him see clearly.”
“What makes you think I can?”
“Because, at one time, he trusted you. And because it’s my belief that he loved you once. I know he has closed his heart off to you, but I fear he will never heal completely until he has resolved his feelings for you. He can’t afford to be indecisive. His engagement to Lady Ket, while a political arrangement, must hold strong if our people are to be united.”
I remained silent, a mixture of emotions welling up within me. He loved me once. Past tense. I knew which choice he’d made now.
“Heidel,” I said quietly, “you know as well as I that I cause him pain. Every time he sees me, he sees your father’s death all over again. Wouldn’t it be best if we remained separated?”
“Yes, perhaps. But if that’s the case, then you must make the decision easy for him.”
“I’m confused. You wanted me to speak with him, but now you think we should remain separated?”
“I want you to make him see reason—that’s all. You must make your feelings clear to him. If you care for him, you must tell him. If you don’t, then it’s best that you not be here. Your presence is doing him no favor. His spirit has been broken for quite some time, and he will not heal until he is able to move forward.”
“I see.”
“Do you care for him still?” she asked.
I swallowed, not sure how to answer the question. Somehow, I knew that a piece of myself always belonged with him. Heidel didn’t need to know such a thing, so I told her what she wanted to hear.
“I suppose I don’t. Not anymore.”
“Then you must tell him. After the quest to find the fairies’ stone is finished—assuming you are able to encourage him to make the journey—you must leave him and never return.”
“Yes. I understand.”
But did I? I wasn’t prepared to give him up. Whatever relationship we had now—even a tenuous treaty that was shaky at best—was better than never seeing him again.
“I will let you rest,” she said. “Please consider my words. Carefully.”
“Of course.”
She left the room. I stared at the door, wondering if that was the way I was always meant to be—alone. I shook off my thoughts and got to my feet, which took quite a bit more time than I had anticipated. Besides feeling as if I’d been hit by a bus, every muscle in my body being sore, and my head still groggy, I now had the chore of speaking with Kull while attempting to distance myself from him at the same time.
I’d faced some difficult odds before, but this would be impossible.
I hobbled to the room’s bathing chamber. The bare stone tiles felt cold under my feet as I entered through the heavy wooden door. The chamber was a simple, clean room with a copper tub and exposed pipes. The hot water felt heavenly, except bathing, just as walking, turned out to be another difficult
