It’s midnight, and I’ve been driving around for hours. I’ve been doing that a lot lately, always gravitating to the same spot. The spot where it all happened. Sometimes I pull to the side and close my eyes, hoping to see him there, but nothing. He’s never there.
It’s raining out—it hasn’t rained since that night. If it had only been a day later, he would still be here.
The surge of emotion takes over, and my head falls to the steering wheel as the tears rush out, flooding my eyes and cheeks.
“Why Chase; he didn’t deserve this, not him? Dammit, answer me. You’ve taken everything from me why him too?” I shout through my strained voice, but it doesn’t matter because there are no answers, none that I’ll ever understand anyway.
I lift my head and lay back in the driver’s seat just watching the stream of rain come down on the window. I wait a moment longer than just like every other night, I wipe my tears and start up the car to head back to Connie’s. Just as I’m about to head off, my phone rings—it’s Jordan. He calls every day like clockwork, and every day I ignore the call. But this time, just as I go to hit ignore, there’s also a tap at my passenger’s side window.
“Dylan, I know you’re in there I saw the light from your phone when I called. Let me in, I’m getting soaked out here.”
Groaning, I unlock the door and he jumps in. “What are you doing here, Jordan?”
He shuts the door, shaking off his wet hair then turns to me. “The better question is, why in the hell are you being an asshole?”
“Listen, you have no idea—”
He cuts me off. “No, you listen. We all lost Chase. He was your brother, I get it, but we all loved him, Dyl. We’re all feeling the loss.”
The sobs break through. “He’s never coming back, Jord. He’s gone. My baby brother’s gone.”
My head once again falls forward, and Jordan rests his hand on my shoulder. “Dylan, let us help you through this, man. Don’t shut us out.”
“I don’t think anyone can help me. Nothing’s going to stop this pain.”
Jordan lets out a sigh. “You’re probably right, but with time and having people who care about you in your life, it will get better.”
I lift my head looking to him. “He was all I had, Jord.”
“No, he wasn’t. I’m here, remember me, your best friend? Sure, when you do stupid shit, I might be pissed and not talk to you for a bit, but I’ll always be here when you need me. But you also have Velyn—Dylan she’s worried about you.”
“I can’t be around her right now.”
“Why?”
I look to Jordan. “Because I won’t be able to stand the look on her face when she realizes it’s all because of me that he's gone.”
“Dylan, what the hell are you talking about? Chase dying has nothing to do with you. It was an accident; one no one could have prevented.”
“You’re wrong. If I had just stood up to my father, they would never have been on this road that night. Velyn wouldn’t be hurting right now, and Chase would be here…with me.”
Jordan lets out a breath. “Dylan, none of that was your fault. You know better than anyone that standing up to your father would have got you nowhere.”
“Chase stood up to him,” I let out in a whisper.
Jordan sits back in the seat, and the car remains quiet until he speaks again. “Dylan, I don’t know how to fix this for you or make it better. But I do know that this guilt-filled, downward spiral you’re on isn’t how. Look, if you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine, I’ll still always be here. But Velyn, man, talk to her. You may not think you need her, but she’s dying inside, and the only person that can fix that is you.”
He leaves me with one last pat on the shoulder, then steps out of the car.
What would I say to her— ‘sorry I ruined everything good in our lives?’ Probably not. I throw the car into drive and speed away.
The last thing Velyn needs in her life is me.
I haven’t been back to the house in weeks; not since the night of the accident. I don’t know if it’s because I’m afraid of the memories that it holds or
that I don’t want to see my father—who knows it may be a little of both.
When I look up to the massive structure in front of me, it’s somehow lost its grandness. Now it just seems obnoxiously over the top. Everything about this place is meant to convey dominance and show the extent of my father's power. But as I sit here staring at this building, I see the truth. I see the insecurity of a man I once believed had all the answers—I was wrong.
The house is masked in darkness; all the lights are off—all of them except the one shining through the office window.
He’s home.
You can’t run forever, Dylan!
Taking in a deep breath, I slide out of my car then make my way into the house. When I step inside, it’s quiet. I don’t think the house has ever been this quiet, or maybe it has and I never noticed it before.
“So, you’ve decided to come home?” I search for where his voice is coming from, and then he steps into the sliver of light shining through the window overhead.
Confident, I answer, “I figured it was time.”
“So, then you’ve come to your senses?”
My reply once again doesn’t waver. “You can say that.”
