I replaced the notebook and picked another one up.
This was on arguments that could take place in a marriage hall. I scanned the table of contents.
‘The band-wallah arrives late.’
‘The cook has prepared more food than what was asked for.’
‘In case the earlier marriage party doesn’t vacate the hall on time.’
‘How to argue in favour of the bridegroom.’
There were all kinds of topics.
Putting the notebook back on the shelf, I asked,
‘Are all the notebooks filled with such hypothetical arguments?’
‘Not all of them. The ones in the second row are records of actual disputes.’
I picked a notebook from the shelf she was pointing at. It turned out to be one on domestic disputes. The title was: ‘Dispute that took place in the house of Shri KV, relating to land matters.’ The subtitle mentioned the date, place and all the participants. There were details relating to the property. There were other topics such as ownership block, leave and licence-related fights, and more.
I stepped out of his house, convinced that people could make a hobby out of anything whatsoever, for no rhyme or reason. There are some who cycle for two hundred hours without stopping. I’ve never been able to understand what inspires them to take up such a task in the first place! JP, too, felt like an unanswered question.
But I was attracted to JP for reasons unknown to me. I had the urge to befriend him. I’d got a glimpse of his hobby thanks to his mother. The real challenge was to make JP take me to his room himself and show me his collection of notebooks.
I decided I would meet him at his house. He would then be forced to speak to me. I went to his house almost every week, but every time I was unable to meet him. He was always away, attending a funeral. It came as a shock to me that he had such a large number of friends – and that they died at such regular intervals!
I decided to make Joshi speak about this and found an opportune time to catch him at work. I’d resolved to not let his questions stump me. I was prepared.
I said,
‘Joshi saheb, may I ask you something?’
‘Is it necessary?’ JP was ready with his counter-question.
‘Would I have come otherwise?’
‘Then why do you hesitate?’
‘What do you think?’
‘How does my opinion matter to you?’
‘Who else would it matter to?’
‘This question has no meaning.’
‘What else can happen when speaking to someone like you?’
‘Then why did you come here in the first place?’
‘Can’t I have any work with you?’
‘Can that not be avoided?’
‘Would I have come if I could have avoided it?’
‘Then why are you wasting time asking questions?’
‘Does it make you angry?’
‘Why would it not?’
‘Don’t others get angry when you talk like this?’
That stopped him.
The staff clapped. I had won. The boss stepped out of his cabin when he heard the applause. Seeing us assembled around JP’s table, he asked,
‘What’s the matter?’
‘What do you think?’
That shut the boss up and he left without further comment.
That evening, Joshi said something straightforward for the first time. He spoke without asking a question:
‘Wait for me after work.’
I waited.
‘From this day, you’re my friend. Tell me, how can I help you?’
‘Don’t bore me with unnecessary questions, that’s all.’
He clapped his hands in glee and said,
‘I believe you came looking for me at home many times.’
‘Yes. I was told you were out attending a funeral each time.’
‘That is true.’
‘How did such a large number of your acquaintances die in such a short period of time?’
‘I have no idea.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Let me explain.’
He sat down on his chair, folding his legs and making himself comfortable. He told me about his past. His mother had already told me most of this, so it wasn’t news. But I heard him out, nevertheless. Then I said,
‘I still don’t understand why you attend all these funerals.’
‘I go if the deceased is an important personality.’
‘Why?’
‘To practise my oratory.’
‘Can’t people tell that you’re an outsider?’
‘The only thing one has to do is praise the deceased. No one needs to introduce the speaker. I wait to hear a few people speak, to get the context. A funeral ground is the only place where the speaker isn’t asked to shut up. Oratory can’t be practised alone. You need listeners. So a funeral or a condolence meeting is the perfect place to fine-tune one’s skills.’
‘Aren’t you scared that someone will foil you?’
‘I start my speech by saying that it’s unlikely anyone present will know me. Then I start the praises. After all, when a chief guest is called on stage, do the organizers who praise him know anything about him?’
I stared at him open-mouthed. Encouraged by my reaction, he continued,
‘I have notes at home for all kinds of situations. I’ve been working hard day and night ever since my father passed away. I am now honing my oratory. Then I will be ready. I spend time attending funerals and condolence meetings. In fact, my last two speeches were mentioned in the next day’s newspapers.’
The news of the ever-alert Joshi being asked to resign was a shock to me. I’d been on a month-long leave, and when I returned I found that it was his last day at work.
Everyone had a different story. But the common thread was that he’d tried his usual trick of answering questions with questions with his boss. In a government job, the main aim is to keep files in circulation, asking questions and counter-questions. Joshi tried the same game in a private job and had to pay the price for it. He was asked to quit.
But he wasn’t worried at all.
I met Joshi after the farewell ceremony. He said,
‘I didn’t have enough facts, so I lost. That’s how most people lose an argument.’
‘Joshi saheb, why don’t you run tuition classes in that haveli of
