‘So you came back because,’ Jenny interrupted gently, ‘you thought your parents might have relented?’
‘I didn’t know where else to go or what to do. Perhaps I thought they might have relented; I don’t know why I should have, not after being told all those years ago never to show my face again. I was stupid. They didn’t want any explanations; my mother had heard me being sick and knew immediately, even before I did; she told me to get off and tell the lad’s parents and ask what they were going to do about it, and then later that day she told my father and he leathered me with his belt and my mother said nothing.’
‘I’m so very sorry,’ Jenny said, putting her hand on Delia’s arm. ‘But why didn’t you come to see me or my mother? Ma would have helped you.’
Delia stared at Jenny. This was the crux of the matter; now she would know whether or not they would remain friends.
‘I did,’ she whispered. ‘But you weren’t there; you’d stayed in Hull with someone from your school and – and I spoke to your mother. She said that you and your friend were doing exams together and you’d been invited to stay with her and her family. I think your mother thought I was unwell and she made me sit down and gave me a cup of tea – and then – and she told me that …’ She swallowed hard. ‘She said that Jack and Susan had gone to church to see the vicar about having the banns read because they were getting married.’
She took a breath and her next words came out on a shuddering sob. ‘And I knew then that my life was completely over.’
They sat in silence for a while. One of the young porters came and put another log on the fire and then they got up and sat at their corner table, waiting for the food to be brought.
‘What do you mean?’ Jenny asked quietly. ‘Why did you think that? Did you not consider going to the man – boy – who had committed this …’ she let out a sigh, ‘outrage, and confront him or his parents?’
Delia turned her face away; a small frown knitted her forehead.
‘Delia?’ Jenny bent towards her.
Delia lifted her moist eyes to Jenny’s. ‘Do I really have to spell it out for you?’ she whispered, and her voice was bitter. ‘I was a virgin. I’d never even kissed a boy.’
Jenny ran her tongue over her lips. I hope this doesn’t mean – surely not. He wouldn’t – would he? ‘What – what is it you’re implying, Delia?’
‘I think you can guess and I’m not implying anything.’ Delia held back another sob. ‘I’m telling you and you did say I should unburden myself and that’s what I’m doing at the risk of losing our friendship.’
She lowered her head and fell silent again as their soup was brought. When the waiter had gone she took a deep breath and said quietly, ‘I’m telling you that one late afternoon in February eleven years ago I was walking back from the village with some shopping. It was dark and raining and as I came to your farm I thought I’d call on your mother and tell her that I’d received a letter from you, and then I was going to take a short cut home across Foggit’s land.
‘Jack answered the door and told me she had gone to Hedon. He was – well, he looked different, I don’t know what it was, and he looked at me oddly and then he said …’ She took a heaving breath and clutched her chest. ‘He said did I have time to go with him to the barn before I went home. I’d always liked Jack, he’d always been friendly towards me, and I thought he was going to show me a litter of puppies or kittens, so I said all right and he carried my basket and I went with him. He led me to the back of the barn behind a stack of straw and took hold of me and began kissing me. I told him to stop but he said he couldn’t because he’d always liked me.’
She couldn’t go on; couldn’t tell Jack’s sister of the things he’d said to her, of how soft her skin was next to his; or of how he’d torn her skirt and petticoat in his haste and how the straw had scratched her and she’d cried, and he’d said don’t cry because other girls liked it and she would too, and put his mouth over hers so that she wouldn’t scream out that he was hurting her.
And then, when I thought he would break me in two, he’d suddenly given a groan and rolled off me and looked at me and said I was lovely and he was sorry if he’d hurt me and I couldn’t speak because I was so ashamed.
She sobbed and sobbed, all the humiliation, distress and anxiety that she had bottled up for so long released like air from a balloon.
Jenny moved her chair back from the table, and putting her arm about Delia’s shoulder she led her towards the ladies’ room. She didn’t speak until they were inside; it was as if she was trying to make sense of what she had just heard, and wondering also what words could be used to help or comfort, while knowing that there was no expression of commiseration that could possibly put the situation right.
Her brother at nineteen had been arrogant, knew everything there was to know about everything, or so he thought, but he was also naïve and gullible and easily led astray.
He wouldn’t have been led astray by Delia, or Dorothy as she was then, for she wouldn’t have known how to begin to lead a boy on; but he was friends then with Ralph Pearce, who had an eye for the girls and wouldn’t have
