“I didn’t know that,” Mia said worriedly, looking at her.
Shal waved a hand. “That was a long time ago.”
I watched as the two police officers plunged into the forest. I hoped they were keeping their guns close. There were monsters in those woods.
“Can we get back to Kelp?” Shal asked. “What would you say? Can you imagine if I showed up at Carl’s one day? I know what I’d wear: my white top and those jeans with the little faded specks on the thighs. I’d probably wear my hair down. Maybe dye it brown first. But what would I say? Hey, Carl, how’s it going? No, that’s stupid. Hey, Carl, just thought I’d drop in. Nope.”
As Shal went on about all the things she might say to Carl, I scanned the woods, looking for yellow eyes.
—
I made it through most of the day without any incidents, which was pretty impressive. I took Allison’s little whispered comments and pretended I didn’t hear them and just read the guide through class. This time I turned right to Tips on Monster Crushing.
Now that Eldon had surprised me with the spider, I was afraid he might try me out with other monsters soon. Not to mention the fact that goblins had already tried to kill me in my own backyard. I needed to know how to protect myself.
The tips section was even more disorganized than the histories. Notes were scribbled in everywhere, and it seemed each Monster Crusher had his own techniques. I started with the goblin section.
1. Always go for the leader FIRST. Save yourself some trouble
.
2. If you are attacked by one goblin, look behind you. They never attack alone
.
I frowned. I wish I’d read that tip earlier.
3. Most goblins keep a knife hidden somewhere in their clothing. Make sure they don’t stick you when you’re not looking.
Note: Sometimes they have two. I just got a knife in the thigh. Not pleasant.
4. Goblins are led by fear. If you face overwhelming odds, make them fear YOU. I find shouting effective. However, if you face REALLY overwhelming odds, you might want to run. OR:
Challenge the leader. If you call him out, he may feel compelled to fight you one-on-one. Crush him, and you win the battle
.
Note: The monsters may also do this to you. That’s how they got Daniel
.
I flipped to the spider section to see if I should have done anything differently.
1. Don’t get bitten. If you do…you’re in trouble
.
2. Poking at the eyes is always a good idea
.
3. If you crush the abdomen with your hammer, watch out for spraying venom.
Note: Should have read this sooner. Ow
.
4. Spiders don’t like fire
.
Hmm, I thought. Better remember that one. I flipped through a few more monsters, though I noticed the tips were sparser for the leaders. For dragons, most of them were warnings not to get caught out in the open and to try to catch them sleeping. For giants, it was pretty much the same, though Gregory the Giant’s Bane had killed his giant by jumping off a rocky ledge and bringing the hammer down on its head.
Trolls seemed equally troublesome.
1. Trolls love ambushes. Be aware
.
2. Do I even need to tell you about bridges?
3. They often wear armour under ratty brown clothes…they can absorb a lot of blows.
Note: No kidding. I barely beat the last one. Are they getting bigger?
4. Don’t underestimate their intelligence
.
5. They have thick skin almost everywhere, but not on the top of their feet. If you hit them there, they’ll feel it.
I read through the rest of the tips, on ogres, imps, giant snakes, sea creatures, and those scary wolf hawk things that I really hoped I didn’t run into. Actually, I hoped to avoid all of them, but considering it was supposedly my job to crush these things that didn’t seem very likely. I closed the book and grimaced. This was not cool.
The bell went for recess, and I tucked the guide away and met up with Shal and Mia on the outside, trying to remember what life was like before I found that elevator.
—
I was just heading back into class when I realized I’d forgotten my math textbook. I hurried back to my locker, thinking that I might have been even less excited for math class than I was for training that night. My whole body was aching again, and I knew it was just going to keep getting worse for awhile until I got used to running the course.
I had just pulled the textbook off the shelf when I heard someone step behind me.
“Look how heartbroken she is,” Allison said with mock sympathy. “Lover boy is home today. At least you remembered to wear a diaper.”
I turned around and saw Allison standing behind me with Ashley and another seagull named Tanya, a fairly stocky girl who was essentially their muscle. She was still smaller than me, obviously, but I guess they wanted to come prepared. They both cackled.
I tried to stay calm. Rule number four was very clear: NEVER react to insults.
“It’s a good thing he was gone before that,” Allison continued, playing with a strand of that annoyingly shiny black hair. “Boys don’t usually like girls that pee themselves. Maybe Liam does. He is a little weirdo.”
I closed my locker, took a second to compose myself, and started to walk by her. There were still a few other kids milling around in the halls, but most people had already filtered into class.
Allison stepped in my way. “You don’t want to talk anymore? Maybe I can give you some advice. Let’s see: lose fifty pounds, buy new clothes, put on some makeup, stop peeing yourself—”
“Leave me alone,” I muttered, moving around her.
“Oh, she’s getting angry,” Allison said. “Fine, we don’t need to hang out. Better you hang out with your little brother, anyway. He can’t see how ugly you are.”
And that did it. It wasn’t even an insult to Tom. But I don’t like when he is brought up by evil girls. Ever.
