Fatherhood wasn’t something I thought about all that often, despite my mother’s constant yammering on about it. It had always been like this hypothetical, abstract thing that wouldn’t happen to me. I wasn’t ready for this.
Hell, the youngest girl I’d ever held had been sixteen. Granted, I’d only been seventeen myself at the time, but still. What the fuck was I supposed to do with a baby girl?
And a boy? Sure, I knew how the equipment worked, but that was where it ended. I didn’t know the first thing about raising a tiny human being. I’d never even seen a damn diaper in real life.
The closest I’d gotten to those things was when I occasionally took the wrong turn in a store. And those had been packaged. I’d never seen one—
“Breathe, Marco,” my brother said, surprisingly calm all of a sudden. “Just breathe, buddy. Stop that runaway train right now and just breathe. It’s going to be okay.”
“It is?” I wasn’t so sure.
“It is,” he said slowly. “So you love her, huh?”
“Yeah.” I pulled my collar away from my neck. I really needed to talk to the tailor. It was obvious this thing was way too tight. “I do.”
“I’m glad you’ve finally caught on, brother. You okay now?”
I shook my head, but I needed a few minutes to myself. “I will be. Call you later.”
“Let me know if you need anything. I can be on the next flight out there.”
“I’ll send the jet back for you if it comes to that, but we’re not there yet. I’ll let you know if I have any news. In the meantime, just sit tight.”
“Will do.”
I ended the call, spotting a concrete bench beneath an awning nearby. I went to sit on it, resting my head in my hands as I ran them through my hair repeatedly.
But I was determined not to let the train run away with me again. I needed to man up and go back inside.
Jesus, I’d taken off on the woman I loved minutes after she’d been told she was pregnant—with my child. I probably shouldn’t have done that.
No, scratch that. I definitely shouldn’t have done that.
But I had. Now it was time to put my own fears aside for the moment, to hold Addy’s hand and let her lean on me if she needed to. I also had to get around to telling her that I loved her. What a fucking day.
When I got back to the room, however, Addy didn’t really look like she wanted to lean on me. Unless she was leaning on my neck while holding a very sharp blade in her hands.
Rage flashed in her eyes when they met mine, but there was also a deep sorrow in them I didn’t understand. Time stood still again as I glanced around the room. “Did I miss the ultrasound? Did something happen with the baby while I was out?”
“They haven’t come yet,” she said, her tone clipped.
The hospital bed dwarfed her, but her emotions seemed to fill up the whole room. Her eyelids were puffy, and there was evidence of dried tears on her cheeks.
My legs ate up the distance between us, but when I tried to reach for her, she pulled away. “What’s going on? Why are you so upset? What happened?”
She blinked up at me, her face contorting into something very much like intense pain, but I had a feeling it was fueled by all that rage.
“What happened?” she asked. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
My jaw slackened. I had no idea how to react. “No?”
“I’m pregnant, Marco,” she ground out. “I have your spawn growing in my belly and you couldn’t even hang around for one minute longer than the goddamn doctor?”
I felt the blood leaving my face. “I know I shouldn’t have—”
“Why were you so upset about the news? Did you not know this could happen if you fuck someone six ways from Sunday every night and more than once on every actual Sunday?”
“Of course, I knew it could. I just—”
Her head reared back. “Oh, that’s it. Isn’t it? This is about your precious mother. You can’t be excited to have a baby with me because I’m American?”
A nurse ran into the room, undoubtedly because Addy’s voice had risen several octaves in the last minute or so. As soon as she saw what was happening, though, she apologized and slammed the door shut behind her.
Great. The professionals don’t know how to deal with this, either.
“Addy? Pasticcino? Just listen to me please.”
“Don’t call me that.” She shook her head hard and waved her finger at me. “No, I’m not going to listen to you. There was a time for you to talk to me about this, and you ran away. So run, Marco. Run all the way back to Florence for all I care.”
“I’m not going anywhere without you,” I said evenly. “When I go back, you’re going to be in the seat beside me. I get that you’re pissed off with me right now. I deserve it.”
“If you’re going to hang around until I get on that plane with you, you’re going to be waiting a long-ass time. I think I’m going to stay here. In Oregon. With Kyle.”
“What?” My eyes narrowed as my heart kicked into a gear I hadn’t even known existed. “No. No way.”
Her eyebrows jumped. “No? What are you going to do, kidnap me?”
“Of course not. Can we just talk about this rationally please?”
“Oh, so now I’m not being rational?” She fell back against the bed, folding her arms as best she could with the tube still connected to her. “Go figure.”
“I didn’t say that.” I took a step closer to her, imploring her with every fiber of my being to give me a chance. “It’s just that staying here isn’t an option.”
“It’s not?” When her voice became that quiet, I almost wished she’d go back to
