His words were firm, forceful, any hint of the earlier pleading and deep craving gone. I wanted to step back in time, accept the extra day, see where it led. But I already knew the outcome. Two more broken souls. More anguish that would keep me up at night. I couldn’t take that. Not any more.
And yet, I couldn’t make my feet move. Couldn’t step off his frozen porch and climb the chopper patiently waiting thirty feet away.
‘That’s what you want, isn’t it?’ he pressed, his voice harsh.
I swallowed, forced my head to nod. ‘Yes. Elsa will check my schedule and let you know.’
His lips tightened, assailing me with an urge to see him smile one last time that was so unbearable, I turned and hurried out onto the frozen tundra, my feet sinking into snow, towards the pilot who alighted and came to escort me.
Jensen handed him my bag, then stood, feet braced, cold eyes boring into my back as I climbed aboard.
He didn’t back away or go inside as the rotor blades churned up snow.
Even when his white jacket was pelted with snow, he didn’t leave. He stood there, his glorious hair whipping around his face, jaw set as he stared up at the helicopter.
Unable to help myself, I stared back, my eyes watering as he blended into the blinding white landscape.
Only when the chopper banked steeply did I look away, my heart already thudding with deep dread at the enormity of the misery that awaited me.
CHAPTER NINE
‘OH, MISS MORTIMER, you’re back! I wasn’t expecting you till later this morning...’
Elsa’s surprise registered hollowly in my head as she entered my office. I heard her stop a few feet from my desk, but didn’t turn from my position at the window.
‘Can I get you anything? Your usual coffee?’ Her voice trailed hesitantly when I continued to stare at the window, glaring miserably at the view I didn’t want to see.
It was the wrong view. For starters, London was wet and dreary and had been since my return two days ago, the rain unable to make up its mind whether to turn to sleet or mizzle.
I wanted a white-out, thick snow covering everything in sight and cutting off the world.
But more than anything, I wanted the man who I’d been snowed in with. As much as I appreciated her, Elsa’s presence was just another reminder that I was half a world removed from where I wanted to be.
I forced myself to turn around, to paste a half-decent smile on my face as I sat at my desk. ‘I came in a little early.’ Understatement of the year. I’d abandoned sleep at two a.m., my queen-sized bed suddenly feeling like a wide, endless ocean of misery, determined to swallow me up.
The longer I’d lain there, staring at the ceiling, the deeper my despair and panic had taken hold. With the business day beginning, I’d decided to call it quits where sleep was concerned, and get a head start on my work.
In hindsight, I realised leaving the perfectly adequate loneliness of my Mayfair mews house to place myself in the operating hub of the Mortimer Group empire wasn’t my finest decision.
Because the more the hive of activity moved around me, the deeper my loneliness had steeped.
The inter-family group email that someone industrious had set up a while ago was the first of many joy-shrivelling emails waiting to pounce on my vulnerable state when I fired up my laptop. Every single one of them involved some family member crowing about their personal success.
Apparently Gideon and his wife, Leonie, Damien and his new wife, and Bryce and Savannah were planning on spending the holiday season cruising the Mediterranean on the family’s yacht. The invitation had been extended for anyone who wanted to join, of course, but last thing I wanted was to be a fifth, sixth or seventh wheel.
There was another email from Bryce, mildly berating me for my unavailability, and informing me of his engagement to Savannah. Apparently he’d tried to call several times in the last few days but had been unable to reach me to give me the good news.
Even while my heart had soared with happiness for him and Savvie, the depth of my despairing loneliness intensified. When we’d met up in Singapore a few months ago at the opening of Savannah’s flagship lingerie store, he’d looked just as miserable as I felt. But evidently, he’d worked through his differences with Savvie.
Christmas was less than two weeks away. The thought of spending it with my dysfunctional collection of back-stabbing, acid-tongued family members filled me with dread.
...run away because you’re scared...
My fingers shook over the mouse as Jensen’s words struck hard and deep.
I’d been burned more than a few times, but...had some of that been of my own doing? Had I deliberately held myself up to the flame, just to see if I’d burn? For once, would it hurt to see what happened if I stepped back? Perhaps feel warmth instead of flames?
Before my courage deserted me, I pushed away thoughts of Christmas in a cabin in the wilds of Alaska and fired off emails to Gideon and Bryce, tentatively accepting their invitation to join them for New Year. I could always change my mind later.
‘Give me five minutes, I’ll grab your coffee,’ Elsa said.
I shook my head. ‘I don’t want coffee, thanks.’
Her eyes widened at the uncharacteristic refusal. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes, I’m fine, thank you.’ She didn’t need to know that I only wanted coffee from one person. I didn’t even care that Jensen hadn’t given a shit about achieving the optimal temperature for his coffee. He’d served it with
