Chapter 10
The “beer garden” turned out to be a microbrewery that made four varieties of delicious German-style beer on site. The owner was an Ethiopian man who’d lived in Bavaria for decades, and had returned home to start his own business.
The place was a trip. Decorated in a mix of German and Ethiopian kitsch, it was packed with people, and there were servers buzzing around in lederhosen, shouting in Amharic and handing off huge steins of homemade beer to customers. The place, the food, and the company had me feeling so content I closed my eyes and sighed deeply after one too many slices of pizza—which apparently was the most popular item in the menu despite not being exactly German.
After a moment, I felt Elias clink my stein with his. I opened my eyes and clinked back, once again pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to be with him.
When I looked at him again, he seemed worried, and after a moment asked me, “Are you too tired? Would you like me to take you back to the hotel?”
The lethargic feeling of the last few minutes evaporated at the thought of losing his company, and I sat up. “No, not at all. I’m excited for the music, but I’m feeling pretty relaxed right now from all the good pizza and beer.” I glanced around again, utterly charmed by the place. “This is a great spot. Thanks for bringing me. Addis is full of surprises.”
He smiled then, and it looked wistful. “Yes, it is. It’s hard for me to think of living anywhere else.”
The way he said it made me think he was considering exactly that. “Oh, are you thinking of going abroad?” I asked with way too much interest.
He didn’t answer immediately, considering my question as he twisted the wide silver band on his finger. “I’ve been accepted into a doctoral program at Columbia University, in psychology,” he said quietly before taking a long drink.
“Wow,” I said, genuinely impressed. “That’s great. Congratulations.”
After a moment he ran his hand over the tablecloth, smoothing the crease running down the center of table. I could tell he was trying to figure out what to say next. “I was accepted last year, but I deferred.” Something about the way he said it made me think the reasons for the deferment hadn’t changed much. “I have a few more weeks to decide. If not, I’ll lose my spot.”
Just the idea of Elias potentially living in the States did unsettling things to me. My chest fluttered, and I could practically feel the blood rushing to my face. Immediately, the possible career change I’d been agonizing over for the last year—and how it could mean a move to New York City—filled my head. A flare of annoyance at myself tamped down some of my inappropriate excitement, and I tried to focus on what Elias said. On how obviously conflicted he was about the decision he needed to make.
I leaned across the table, hoping my smile looked genuine, and not like I was freaking about my own shit like a selfish heel. “That’s huge, for real. New York City is a great place to live too. We lived in Upstate New York, about four hours north.” I pointed at myself as he listened with interest. “I’ve never actually lived in the city, but we went a lot when I was growing up, and my friend Lucía is there and loves it.”
His eyes widened when I said that, and he kept twisting that ring. When he finally spoke, he steered away from talking about whatever was conflicting him about going to the States. “I didn’t know you were from New York. I thought because your parents did international work you’d be based in DC.”
I placed my hand on the table, hyperaware of the fact that if I moved it less than a centimeter, we’d be touching. “Yeah. That’s my home base right now, but my mom lives in Ithaca. That’s where my dad was from, and we moved there after he died. She wanted to be closer to his family.” I shrugged, always feeling awkward when talking about my mom’s family. “She was never very close to her own, and they were all in the DR anyways.” I played with the slice of half-eaten pizza on my plate, feeling like this whole conversation had suddenly gotten a lot more serious.
“I did college in Ithaca and moved to DC for a job with Aid USA after I graduated. I’ve been there ever since.” I paused, thinking of how little I considered DC as home. “I travel a lot though, so I’m rarely there for more than a few months at a time.”
He nodded and looked at me with a focus that made me breathless. Before I knew it, I was putting words to something I hadn’t spoken out loud to anyone, not even Lucía.
“I’m actually thinking of leaving DC.” I rolled my eyes in self-mockery, trying to give levity to what I was saying, even though I felt every word in the pit of my stomach.
Elias leaned closer as I opened my mouth again, like he understood how big this moment was for me. “Where are you thinking of going?” Elias’s questions were always earnest. His focus and attention solely on me.
“I’m thinking of going back to school too. It’ll involve a bit of a career shift.” I lifted my hand when he raised his eyebrows. “Not a completely new field, but definitely different. I’ve been considering it for a while. This survey came at the perfect moment, actually. I’m trying to use my time in Ethiopia to decide on what’s next.”
But instead of doing that, I’m spending an absurd amount of time obsessing about you.
Elias opened his mouth a couple of times, but closed it before he spoke. I could tell he was carefully deciding where to take the conversation. Finally, he said, “This work is
