I stood and helped him out of his shirt without saying a word. He slipped mine over my head as I pulled him to my bed. I didn’t ask him to stay the night, because I knew he couldn’t. But I wanted to pretend, if only for a little while, that Elias and I could do this. That we could make love, then go to bed together. That he didn’t have to go home and lie to his family about who he’d just been with.
I felt so far away from my life here. I could pretend.
In the place where I was supposed to be finding myself, I would lose myself in him.
The sheets were cold when we got in the bed, and Elias pulled me against him so my back was flush with his chest. His skin was smooth and hot against mine, and his kisses on my shoulders made me shiver.
“I like how soft this is,” he said running his hands through my chest hair. I didn’t have a lot, but what I did have was mostly on my pecs. I had a stocky build, but Elias was still wider than me, and sitting like we were now, I felt enveloped by him. “I wondered how you would feel. You feel better than I imagined, and I had created very lofty expectations in my head.”
I smiled, turning around so I could kiss him again. “I can’t say this is unexpected on my part. I wanted to jump you from the moment I saw you.”
He laughed and grazed his lips on the palm of my hand, which was such a ridiculously romantic thing to do. I would be hopelessly lost to this man in no time at all. “I was wondering if those looks you gave me in Awassa every time you had a couple of beers were just a coincidence. You would go like this.” He did this squinty-eyed thing and said, “I was going to suggest you go to the eye doctor.”
I balked and tugged on one of his curls. “Hey, watch it. That’s my smolder.”
He legit guffawed at that, “Like in the Disney movie?”
“Yes!” I wailed, which only sent him into another fit of laughter.
After he finally calmed down, he shook his head and looked at me like I was the cutest thing he’d ever seen. Then he grabbed the back of my head and kissed me until I was squirming against him. He pulled back, smiling. “You crazy farenji.”
I backed away a bit, waved my hand between us and crowed, “Hey! It worked.”
I always got fidgety when I felt I was under someone’s scrutiny, like if they looked long enough they’d realize I was a fraud. That I didn’t mean any of the things I was doing. But Elias looked at me like I was something worth understanding. As if he hadn’t worked it all out yet, but what he could see, he liked a lot. I got closer and ran my hands over his chest, tucked my head right under his chin, and took a deep breath.
He sighed too and said, “I’m very glad to be with you here right now.” Then he laughed in a way that wasn’t exactly humorous. “It’s also a little bit frightening. I’ve been thinking so much about Ari and Dante in the past few weeks.”
I turned so I could look at his face. “I wondered what you thought about the book. You didn’t say much when it ended.”
He tightened his arms around me as he spoke. “Everything I felt after we finished it seemed too dangerous to say in the moment.”
I nodded in understanding. “How does it feel now?”
He pulled me closer, and in a very serious voice said, “Too good to question.”
I turned around to kiss him again, and lay there in his arms in silence. I mulled over everything that passed between us in the past few hours, how monumental it all felt. And there remained so much I needed to figure out.
I still had no idea what I would do about the job I was supposed to start once I got back to DC, or the acceptance in the NYU master of social work program. Worst of all, I didn’t know how I’d tell my mother I didn’t want to do this work. That I wouldn’t follow in my dad’s footsteps anymore. That I was selfish enough to break her heart.
Chapter 12
I woke up alone in the bed and heard movement around the room. When I turned a light on, I saw Elias sitting by the foot of the bed, putting on his shoes. My breath caught at the sight of his wide shoulders and back.
I walked on my knees to him and put my arms around his neck. “What time is it?”
He bent his head to kiss my hands, and that feeling like he could shake loose everything that felt constricting, spread through my chest again.
His voice cracked like thunder in my quiet room. “It’s just before 4:00. I didn’t want to wake you, but I need to get going. I take my mom to the market on Saturdays when I’m home.”
I pulled back fast, worried I’d cause him to upset his mother. “Oh, okay. Don’t want to get you in trouble with her.”
He smiled at my reaction. “It’s fine. I don’t have a curfew. She just likes to get there early.” He straightened from tying his shoes with a weary sigh. “I also wanted to slip out before the front desk staff gets in.”
Right. Because it wasn’t smart or safe to do this.
“Yeah,” I said, not wanting to make things awkward.
He got up, pulling on his shirt as he walked to the door. I got out of bed and followed him, shivering in the chilly dawn. Before he opened it, he turned around and kissed me long and deep. “It’s taking an enormous amount of self-control to leave this room when you’re standing here completely naked.”
I pushed up
