To explain all of this to her and to have her understand. My mind is telling me to just take her and worry about the consequences later. But in my heart, I know she’ll hate me if I do. If she found out the truth she’d never trust me and would never be able to forgive me for it. Or maybe she wouldn’t understand, because even I wonder if I’d really only be taking her for myself and not just to keep her safe.

She’s lost in thought as I casually order a coffee and sneak a glance in her direction. She’s facing the gallery across the street and probably contemplating her first day. Is she nervous? Does she have something for lunch?

I curse myself and clench my fists. I can’t allow myself to have these thoughts. I want her, but I can’t have her. All I can do is make sure she’s safe. I know she doesn’t want this job. My girl is always doing what she thinks she should be doing and not what she really wants. I’d let her be whatever she wanted.

When I exit the coffee shop, I pause for just a moment with my hand on the door. It’s only for a second, but I think of what it would be like to sit and have coffee with her. The moment is gone before she can look at me and register it, and I walk out into the sunshine.

It’s a beautiful day, but the only thing I can feel is the hollow space in my chest as I put distance between us, not sure how much longer I’ll be able to last.

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