Astonished. Rachel Had Grown Up Quite Beyond Her Power Of Restraint, And
If It Came To The Worst, Thought Mrs. Garman, This Unusual _Penchant_
For A Clergyman Was Not The Worst One Rachel Could Have Hit Upon.
The Two Went Down Into The Garden, Where They Walked As Usual Up And
Down The Central Path. He Found It Rather Difficult To Lead The
Conversation In The Direction He Wished. His Tone Was Therefore Somewhat
Doubtful, As He Said, "I Have Thought A Great Deal About Our Last
Conversation; In Fact, I Have Hardly Thought Of Anything Else Since,
And, With Your Permission, I Should Like To Say A Few More Words On The
Same Subject."
"I Am Always Glad To Talk With You," Answered Rachel, Fixing Her Eyes
Upon Him. Rachel Had The Same Clear Blue Eyes As Her Father, To Whom, In
Fact, She Bore Considerable Resemblance, Even In The Slight Projection
Of Her Under Jaw. Her Dark Hair Was Faintly Tinged With Red, Especially
At The Temples, And Her Tall And Well-Built Figure Rendered Her
Appearance Rather More Imposing Than Attractive. The Young Men Generally
Were Absolutely Afraid Of Her, And She Had The Reputation Of Being
Terribly Learned And Sarcastic, Which Was Considered To Be A Great Pity,
Chapter 9 Pg 66
As In Other Respects She Was A Most Desirable _Parti_. Mr. Johnsen Did
Not Notice Any Of These Peculiarities: All He Thought Of Was Leading The
Conversation Into The Direction He Desired. At Length He Was Successful.
He Spoke With Ever-Increasing Earnestness On The Change That Had Taken
Place In Him; How That She Had Not Only Roused Him To Meditation, But
Had Also Imparted To Him A Desire For Work, For Which He Must Now Find
Vent. He Had Come To Her To Be Told How And Where He Was To Begin.
Rachel Seemed Somewhat Embarrassed. "It Is Not So Easy For Me," She
Answered, "Who As A Woman Am Debarred From A Life Of Action, If Even I
Had The Wish For It, To Advise You How You Ought To Begin."
"I Am Ready For Anything," Cried He, Excitedly. "I Am Ready To Write Or
Speak Against The Abuses I See Everywhere Around Me. I Am Ready To Cut
Myself Adrift From The Calling I Have Adopted, If It Must Be. I Will Not
Leave A Single Corner Of My Innermost Heart Concealed, But Will Lay Open
My Convictions As A Man Ought To Do."
His Young Friend Was Too Wary To Allow Herself To Be Carried Away By
This Sudden Outburst, Which She Could Not But Regard With Some
Misgiving.
"I Think You Ought To Consider," She Began, "That What We Have Hitherto
Been Speaking Of Is A Mere Matter Of Scattered Detail; There Is Scarcely
Any Irreconcilable Want Of Agreement Between Your Ideas And Those Of
Christianity In General."
"But Christianity Requires Either An Entire Belief Or Else None At All,
And I Do Not Care To Continue In My Doubtful Position Any Longer."
"Yes; And Besides," She Continued, "I Am Quite Willing To Confess That I
Consider These Forms And Dogmas Of But Very Slight Importance. Our
Conversation Has Only Turned Particularly On These Points From The Fact
That You Hold A Position In The Church."
"But That Is Not What We Have Been Talking About," Answered He,
Excitedly; "The Real Gist Of The Matter Is, That You Have Been Trying To
Rouse In Me A Consciousness Of The Personal Responsibility Which Follows
Conviction."
"Yes," Answered She, "You Are Quite Right; That Is Exactly What I Was
Aiming At."
"Whether I Am In The Church Or Not, Then, Is Not The Question. What Is
Really Important Is To Be A Man--Man Enough To Have A Conviction, And
Man Enough To Stand By It."
His Vehemence And Honesty Overcame Rachel'S Scruples, And She Answered
Hastily, And Almost With A Feeling Of Relief, "Yes, That Is The Point;
It Is Exactly Sincerity Which Is So Rarely Met With. This Is The
Principle Which I Can Myself Scarcely Hope To Carry Out To Its Full
Extent. What Weight Does The Conviction Of A Woman Carry With It, In a
Society Like Ours? But My Whole Sympathy Is Excited Whenever I See
Sincerity Struggling To The Light. And That Is Why I Believe That You
Are On The Right Path Now, That You Have Entered Upon This Combat With
Falsehood. It Is Better To Be Utterly Beaten In The Battle Than To Lead
A Peaceful But Insincere Life."
Chapter 9 Pg 67
Her Clear Blue Eyes Sparkled As She Spoke. He Looked At Her With
Rapture, And With A Sudden Change Of Manner That Was Characteristic Of
Him, He Said In a Calm, Quiet Voice:
"I Will Live A Life Of Falsehood No Longer!" He Took A Few Steps, And
Said Slowly And With Emphasis, "I Will Ask The Provost'S Permission To
Preach In The Church Next Sunday; I Have, In Fact, Already Said
Something To Him About It. I Want To Tell The Congregation--"
"It Would, Perhaps, Be Scarcely Worth While," Said Rachel, "To Go Too
Much Into Details."
"No, That Was Not My Intention. I Wish To Bring Forward The Importance
Of Sincerity. I Will Tell Them Plainly That I Have My Doubts, And That
God Is To Be Found In Truthfulness, And Not In Mere Forms; And I Wish
Especially To Examine The Position Of Those Of My Own Calling, Who Even
More Than Others Are Fettered By Forms And Ceremonies."
"It May Cost You Your Future; And In any Case You Will Make Many
Enemies."
"But Perhaps I May Make One Friend."
"You Shall Have My Friendship," Said She, Giving Him Her Hand, "If You
Find Any Support In That. You Can Count Upon Me, Even If All Others Turn
Their Backs Upon You."
"Thank You," Said He, With Solemnity, As He Let Go Her Hand. He Left The
Garden Hastily, But Without Going Through The House; He Took A Side
Path, And Went Through The Little Wicket Gate.
Rachel Stood Gazing After Him As He Went Down The Avenue. At Last She
Had Met A Man Who Dared To State His Convictions. This Was More Than
Ever Jacob Worse Would Have The Courage To Do.
Chapter 10 Pg 68
Jacob Worse'S Mother Was Regarded As Quite A Character In The Town. When
Her Husband Died, He Was About As Insolvent As A Man Could Be. For
Several Years He Had
