"How long?" Malcolm said, waving his hand in the air toward me as if to complete his question.
"Three weeks. I think." My whole head felt hot as I added, "Except for on our wedding night, he's always used protection since I can't handle the pill. It hasn't been my preference, especially since we're married, but you know... what he wants he gets. We've never really discussed having kids. I just took his directive to mean that he didn't want any right now since he hasn't gotten fixed."
Becca was clasping my hand again. "Does he know?"
I shook my head. "I just found out this week when I missed my period. I went to the doctor to make sure. I didn't trust him to not search through the trash for a pregnancy test. It was too much for me to face as it was. I was going to find a way to tell him this weekend, but then Jimmy showed up last night. I knew I couldn't tell him. Not yet. I needed some air. Some distance. To go some place where I could put things into perspective...without his perspective."
"Oh, Daphne, I'm so sorry. I never realized my brother..." Becca hugged me again. I had never known her to be so... affectionate. I liked this version of her. Marriage suited her.
"Drake will be here in the morning," Darryl said. "So now we have a dilemma."
"Yes, we do," Malcolm said. "We certainly do."
When I woke, I stared at the ceiling of the guest room for a long time. Through the open window, I could hear the waves crashing down on the beach. I thought of how I'd had a restful night despite the turmoil of traveling and discussing what had been going on in my life.
After my revelation, Becca made dinner, and we sat around the dining room table discussing how best to approach Drake. I still hadn't wanted to tell him the news about the baby, yet. However, the other three thought he needed to know. It did me no good to keep secrets when that was apparently part of the problem in our relationship.
It had been late when we'd all retired for the night. I'm sure I wasn't the only one feeling a little tense. I had both wanted the morning to come to get this confrontation with my husband over with, as well as for the night to last so I wouldn't have to face him. Jetlag made the decision for me.
CHAPTER SIX
Malcolm, Becca, and Darryl were all sitting on the front porch drinking coffee when I went downstairs. They suggested I take a walk along the beach. It would help me relax and to mentally prepare for the inevitable. After the conversation from the night before, I had insisted Darryl stick around until I could talk to Drake. Like Becca said, I could use all of the support I could get right now.
I stepped down from the patio and followed the path to a wooden bridge, letting the grasses tickle the palm of my hand as I walked past. The breeze was inviting and warm as I headed north with the ocean on my right. The only sounds were the rolling waves and seagulls calling off in the distance.
This. This is what I had imagined this trip to be as I had been flying across the country. Granted, I had planned to be in Chicago, not Delaware, but the change of venue had been just what I needed. A time of reconnection, relaxation, and rejuvenation.
I frowned. I just wish it had not been crammed into less than twenty-four hours. Practically over before it had even begun.
I hadn't anticipated everything coming up roses after my visit. But I had wanted time to process all that had happened. To make a decision I could live with. This wasn't like leaving Jimmy. I was married. And I now had to consider the third person in this relationship. I didn't even want to think about divorce. But if I had to...
As I shuffled barefoot through cool, course sand, I thought of the day Drake and I had returned from Chicago in March. After Malcolm's accident and seeing Becca at the hospital. After the heated exchange between brother and sister that had left the already meager bridge between us all burnt instead of repaired like I'd wished for.
We left immediately after Becca departed from the hospital's conference room. Drake didn't speak to me directly as we took a cab back to the airport, bought our return tickets to California, and waited for our plane to board. I followed a few steps behind him, my back straight and head up but my eyes just slightly downcast. It had actually been my idea to express my submission to him that way after we had gotten married and decided to explore outside of the bedroom.
At first, it had been exciting, like a game. Seeing how long I could stay in my role without breaking it. But the more often I did it in public, the more aroused I got from obeying Drake. The more I wanted to do it. Needed to do it to achieve the same results. I was a submission junkie eager for my next fix. It hadn't been that way with Jimmy. I didn't feel required...obligated...to do this. I chose it.
So two months into our marriage when Drake suggested we be Dominant and submissive 24/7, I was fully on board. He thought it could only strengthen our relationship, even if not everyone understood the lifestyle we were living. It only mattered what we understood.
I learned that I got the same high at home when I dedicated myself to seeing to his needs. And not just the carnal ones. I loved cooking for him. Keeping up the house. Making sure his clothes and lunch were ready
