“It’s strange, the feeling of being launched over a bump on a sled is the same as hitting an air pocket flying, but we don’t like that as much,” Gary admitted.
“A lot further to fall,” Pete said. “Did anyone build snow forts?”
Kiki listened to the men. She didn’t have childhood memories of snow except that it sometimes dusted the cars outside her California home. She thought about each male who sat there. She imagined the paths they took to get to this spot at this time and marveled at how diverse they were.
Cid heard Sally catch her breath and whimper. He excused himself and carried his plate into the kitchen. The others continued the conversation. Carl looked over at the kitchen door briefly but joined in when the group discussed skating for the first time.
Cid arrived to find Sally crouched in the corner. Her hands were shaking, and she had a wild look in her eyes. He looked around and didn’t see anything that would have caused this reaction.
“I don’t know if you will allow me to hold you?” he said softly. “I’m not sure if I will help or hurt, but I can’t stand here and see you in such agony.”
Sally heard him as if he was talking from far away. She managed to reach a hand up, and he was there instantly. Cid scooped her up and sat on the floor with her and surrounded her with his strong arms. “You’re here with me, you’re safe, you’re strong, you’re going to get through this,” he said and repeated it as if it were a yoga mantra.
After ten minutes Sally relaxed. She let tears fall and closed her eyes. Her body had exhausted her. She would have fallen over if she had not been surrounded by Cid.
Carl walked in. He recognized the situation. “I’ll keep the others out,” he said and closed the door. “She’ll come around in time. Poor kid.”
Cid didn’t say anything but listened to Sally’s breathing even out. Her heart was no longer racing. Sally opened her hands, slowly flexing her fingers that were stiff from holding them in fists for so long.
Cid spoke softly, “I have a friend who can walk your mind with you and help to ease your symptoms. She hasn’t been able to make it go away for our friend Lazar, but he has less and less attacks.”
“What do you mean walk my mind?”
“It’s like therapy. She talks with you and looks and sees what is amiss. In our minds, we humans build houses to protect our memories. Some people have hatches instead of windows, and I hear Ted’s looks like a giant internet storage complex. Each of us design what works best for us. I have a room full of card catalogs like you might see in old libraries. This is how I store my memories. Once, I asked Mia to pull out a horrible memory of mine and replace it with something else. I know it sounds crazy, but it worked. I still faintly remember the incident, but it no longer causes me to feel shame.”
“I’m not ready to tell you what started this, and what prolonged it. I’m not even sure it will ever go away. I felt it coming tonight. That’s why I stayed in here away from people. I have been known to hurt others in this condition. I get the overwhelming urge to run away. I’ll fight anyone in my way, yet there is nowhere I can go. It’s very frustrating. It can come on in an instant or stay away for as long as six months. That’s when it’s heartbreaking. You see, Cid, I get to thinking that I’m normal again and then bam!”
“In my town, there is a veterans center run by Sarah Leighton. She’s a woman whose husband has locked-in syndrome. Come home with me and see if it’s someplace that might be able to help you. There is no pressure, and you can stay with Ted and Mia. I’m just… just…”
“Being a wonderful caring friend who I’m falling in love with,” Sally said. “What if I’m always going to be broken?”
“Then we’ll have many times like these in our kitchen. There had to be a reason I was made with these extra-long arms. I assure you they didn’t help me to do pullups in gym class.”
Sally took a moment to snuggle, feeling not only Cid’s muscular chest but his heart beating inside. “I better get on my feet or Carl is going to have to pull me off you.”
“And that would be bad, why?” Cid teased.
Sally got to her feet, extended a hand, and helped to pull Cid, whose legs had fallen asleep, to stand.
Cid walked over and opened the door. He sat down and finished his meal. Sally was a good cook. The telling was that even cold, the meal was delicious.
Carl waited, and when he saw her emerge from the kitchen, he released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. She smiled at him.
“I have dessert if anyone has room?” she announced. “Cupcakes on the counter.”
Gary jumped up and carried his plate into the kitchen and returned with two handfuls of cupcakes.
Kiki didn’t say anything. She was very curious, but since Sally didn’t give her the courtesy of telling her why she really moved out, Kiki would withhold any extension of friendship. It was clear which side Sally stood on.
Wayne watched the table with interest. He didn’t like how Kiki had been and continued to be behaving. But she wasn’t his kid; she was his boss. She had made that abundantly clear when
