Weldon gave an appreciative smile and answered, “To be truthful, it did bother me. I kept a sprig of wintergreen under my nose and tried to mouth breath.”
“How did you end up in here?”
“I had a hard time keeping up with my hobby. Not many rotting corpses around. I took to the alleys and selected some of the walking dead. Evidently, you don’t do that if you want to stay out of here.”
“There really isn’t a rulebook you can follow.”
“No, there should be. Although, in retrospect, I wouldn’t have followed the advice of a published academic anyway.”
“Do you have a problem with academics in general?”
“My father was one. Funny thing about academics and non-educated folks, they smell the same when they rot.”
“A very good observation. Did I take your cell? It occurred to me that this dark place would be a great spot for fungi.”
“No. Old Melvin was the last to have your spot. He’s the one who probably got you into the spot you’re in. He was an evil bugger. The doctor tried to break him, but he never gave in. He never even screamed. Not even involuntarily. He just fixed those predator eyes of his on a space in the room and endured.”
“Why was he tortured?” Burt asked.
“According to the doc, the way to sanity is through pain. The way to pleasure is through pain. I believe he was writing a book about the latter when he was found out. Even though he kept his little experiments to the after hours, someone complained. Ruined it for all of us.”
“So, you didn’t want to be relocated?”
“I was never given the chance. I was forgotten in the basement. I died in there. I screamed my lungs out, but no one heard me. I’m sure Old Melvin knew I was there, but he never told anybody.”
“Are your bones still there?”
“Under the mushrooms,” Weldon said.
“Do you want me to bury you somewhere?”
“You’re not getting out of here. I’m just waiting for you to die so I can continue with my work. You’re the first one to die out here in years. There have been a few bums who thought this would be a great place to winter.”
“I intend on getting out.”
“They won’t let you.”
“Who is they?”
“You have seen them. The army of the criminally insane. The doctor also wouldn’t mind you staying. He has some afterlife questions to ask you.”
“Do you mean to creep me out?”
“Son, I’m a creepy kind of guy.”
~
Mia lay there with her head down until her headache went away. She then crawled over the front seat and settled herself next to Mike.
“How are you feeling, squirt?” Mike asked.
“Like someone kicked me in the chest and used my head for a basketball. How much longer?”
“Not much. I think Ma wants to stop at the next diner so we can eat and use the washroom.”
“I think that is very wise,” Mia said. “I can always eat. I’m always hungry.”
“You don’t look like you eat enough,” Mike observed. “Take Cid for example.”
“Be kind, he’s eating his problems. He’ll grow out of it.”
“It must be nice to know the future.”
“It’s a nightmare,” Mia said. “Tell me about what your life’s like. You’ve always been rather closed-mouthed about your high school years.”
“Aside from the ghost that sits on my chest, my life’s not bad. School work is easy. I seem to do well at sports, but not scholarship well. I’m headed to the community college to appease my mother.”
“It’s difficult being an only child,” Mia said.
“You know, it’s very odd talking with you. You seem so wise, and then I turn my head, look at you, and you’re just a goofy kid.”
Mia laughed. “I don’t change much,” she assured him. “Except I’m so top heavy I have a walker to hold my boobs up.”
Mike didn’t know how to react. He just said, “Liar.”
Mia laughed.
“Really?”
“Well, maybe not the walker part. You and I don’t get along in the beginning. I can’t get by the I’m God’s gift to women persona, and you can’t get through your head that I don’t want your job. You think I’m a phony. Oh, and I sleep with your best friend.”
“That would do it. Ted’s not my best friend, is he?”
“No, you don’t like each other. It’s complicated. But in the beginning, Burt and I really hit it off.”
“So, Burt’s my best friend.”
“Yup, two alpha males. You grate on each other, but you’re besties.”
“Who’s your best friend?”
“Murph.”
“You have a ghost for a best friend?”
“Yes. He’s great. In the beginning, he listened to everything I had to say. And he didn’t talk much. Now we actually have conversations, when we’re not fighting.”
“You fight?”
“Like cat and dogs.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure. I think we’re too different, and I’m stubborn. He’s a prude, and I’m a quarter demon, that would do it.”
“I think it’s chemistry.”
“Whatever.”
“Did you ever leave him?”
“Yes. But I came back.”
“So, Ted takes on you and Murph.”
“Brave man. Could you do it?”
“Not sure. I’d have to think about it. I’d like to think so, but I’m a self-centered son of a Glenda Dupree.”
“That you are. But I’m going to give you another insight into who you are twenty years from now.”
“I’d like to hear it.”
“You, above all, understand my son Brian better than any of us. He’s a trial, but you take that all on with an inner calmness. Ted and I are a mess at parenting. Murphy wants to spank him, and you simply sit him down and spend time with him.”
“I’m the favorite uncle?” Mike observed.
“Yes.”
“I like that. Spoil the kid and give him back
