And she couldn’t avoid thinking about Kiah’s avowal that there was still time, and a chance, to have the family she wanted. He’d sounded so certain she could make it work, if that was what she decided to do.
She wished she could help him get past his own antipathy toward parenthood. From seeing him with Charm, she knew he was already a wonderful father, and although she knew how much he feared being the type of parent his mother was, she knew he never would be.
It wasn’t that she felt everyone had the same urge or desire to procreate that she did, but she couldn’t help wondering if old fears, rather than logic and true desires, might be the source of his decision.
That night, exhausted from the sun and the soporific effects of the seawater, was the first in many she slept deeply, unaffected by her arm.
But the next day the pains were back, and it took every ounce of concentration she had, to get through the workday without incident.
The missing hand alternatively burned and itched, driving her to distraction.
Part of the problem, she knew, was that her stress levels were through the roof. The physical therapist had warned her that might happen, but she hadn’t paid much attention, especially when the pains hadn’t come back during her depression.
She still hadn’t given Dr. Hamilton an answer, and the timeframe he’d set was running out. And her unerring desire for Kiah had resisted every effort she made to lock it away.
Until she sorted those things out, she’d have to find some other way of handling the pain.
That evening the household was in uproar as Charm whirred around, trying to pack everything, including the kitchen sink, it seemed, to take camping.
“Charmaine, stop.” Miss Pearl’s sternest voice only moderately slowed the little girl down. “Pick one of those toys to take with you and put the rest back in your room.”
By the time Miss Pearl and Charm were being picked up, Mina had a headache to go with the phantom pains, but she kissed them both goodbye, and stood at the gate to wave until the SUV had turned the corner.
“Wow,” Kiah said, slinging his arm over her shoulders and turning her back toward the house. “Let’s not do that again anytime soon.”
Mina chuckled weakly, just wanting to sit down and enjoy some peace and quiet, although she didn’t know how much enjoyment she’d get out of anything tonight.
“Charm’s just excited to go on her first camping trip,” she said, and even she could hear the weariness in her own voice.
Kiah led her over to the sofa and gently pushed at her shoulders, so she sat.
“You want a cup of tea? Something to drink?”
Concern was patent on his face, those dark watchful eyes trying to divine what was happening with her, and, before she could stop them, tears filled her eyes and overflowed onto her cheeks.
Kiah knelt down in front of her to cup her cheeks.
“Sweet girl. Tell me what’s wrong. Please. Let me help you, if I can.”
That made her laugh through her tears, but there was a hysterical edge to her mirth.
Kiah used his thumbs to rub at her cheeks, then got up and sat on the couch beside her. When he reached out and pulled her onto his lap, she didn’t resist, wanting the closeness, even if it wasn’t as close as she wanted to get. Burying her face in his neck, she let his warmth seep into her, fill her.
“What is it, Mina?”
“Phantom pains.” It came out as a low moan. Somehow being here like this with him made the sensation increase. “It burns and itches.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” The anguish in his tone was clear. “What can I do to make it better?”
“Get me my hand back?”
She was trying to joke, to lighten the mood, but his arms tightened around her, and his chest shuddered when he inhaled.
“If I could, I would, sweet girl. You must know that?”
It sounded like he was about to cry, too, and she couldn’t bear it.
“I’ll be okay, Kiah. It’ll pass.”
“I know an acupuncturist, but I doubt she’s still open at this hour. Damn it, Mina, why didn’t you say something earlier?”
Even though he sounded angry, it was the caring she heard in his voice.
“I was trying to handle it myself,” she said.
His chest rose and fell on a sigh. “You know that as long as I’m around, you never have to face anything alone, don’t you?”
“I do.” She sighed in turn. “But sometimes I need to do things for myself. I can’t lean on you for everything.”
He didn’t reply, but there was something about his stillness that made her raise her head to search his face. His expression was intent, and somehow the way he was gazing at her made her heart rate pick up, and the ever-present need flower bigger, and hotter, in her core.
“You can, you know,” he said quietly. “Any-and everything. No matter how little, or big, or off the wall. I’ve always got you, sweet girl.”
It took everything she had inside not to let her gaze drop to his mouth, not to tell him how much she wanted him to kiss her and make love to her. Something inside her whispered that would make everything right, but she knew better than to trust that voice. Besides, Kiah didn’t think of her that way, and the thought of his rejection was too much to bear.
So, instead, she snuggled her face back into his neck, inhaling the warm, sexy scent of him, even as she tried to ignore the desire flowing like liquid fire through her veins. There was no place she’d rather be than in his arms, so she shifted a little closer on his lap, craving additional contact.
Then it sank into her brain what she was feeling snugged up against her thigh and, for a brief, glorious moment, she thought his erection was a sign he wanted her, too. Her heart rate soared, and she
