Legs suddenly weak, Mina reached out and held on to the doorjamb to hold herself up. “His mother did that? He never told me.”
Miss Pearl nodded, her eyes solemn behind her glasses. “I thank God every day that Kiah turned out as well as he did, but he takes on more responsibility than he should, because of that woman and her bad ways. And when things frighten or hurt him, he gets angry, like a lot of men do. It’s the only way he knows how to let it out.”
And Mina knew how his mother’s anger had scarred Kiah, both physically and emotionally. He’d said, more than once, when they were teens, how much he feared turning out like her, bitter and abusive.
Did he still feel that way? Get frightened by his reactions, instead of realizing they were natural and not dangerous?
Had he walked away not because he was angry with Mina, but because he fighting his inner demons, and was afraid he’d take them out on her?
There was only one way to find out.
She straightened, determination giving her back her strength.
“I’ll find him, Miss Pearl, and make sure he’s all right.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
SHE SEARCHED THE hospital for Kiah, finally finding him pacing back and forth in the sanctuary garden behind the chapel. The sun was setting, roseate color tinting the sky and the water in the little fountain, but Kiah was clearly oblivious to it all. Head down, he walked back and forth, his hands clenched into fists, each stride taken as though he was trying to push his feet through the earth’s crust.
With her new perspective, just watching him made her heart hurt. His pain was obvious in each step he took, the pallor of his face unmistakable.
Not wanting to startle him, but knowing he hadn’t noticed her, Mina stepped onto the stone path and walked toward him. His head came up at the sound of her first footfall, and there, in his eyes, she saw his agony before he had a chance to mask it.
“Do you remember the professor at university who told us to make sure we took up a hobby?” she asked.
Kiah gave her a blank look, and then, blinking as though just awaking up, he nodded. “Professor Brathwaite, wasn’t it?”
Mina snapped her fingers. “Yes, that’s the one. Anatomy.”
His brows came together. “What made you think of him?”
She shrugged, stopping at the neat little stacked-stone wall surrounding the garden and sitting on it. “I guess it was watching you marching back and forth like that. If pacing were a sport, you’d be a shoo-in for an Olympic medal.”
The sound he made wasn’t quite a laugh, but it was close. Then he immediately sobered. “Is Charm—?”
“She’s fine. Sleeping, with Miss Pearl standing guard over her. We were worried about you. I wanted to check on you before I left.”
“I’m fine.” It came out a little like a growl, but then he repeated it, in a softer tone. “I’m fine. I just need some time to...”
“Decompress?”
“As good a word as any. Mina, I can’t—”
She held up her hand, forestalling his words. “You can, Kiah. You can tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
His lips twisted, and he shook his head. “No, I can’t. Not right now.”
“Why?”
Kiah turned away, fists clenched again, and she saw the tension in the stiffness of his back, the taut line of his neck.
“Leave it, Mina. We can talk about it later.”
“I think we should deal with it now.”
He didn’t reply, just took a couple steps away from her, as though distancing himself from the conversation.
From her.
Trying not to be hurt by that, she didn’t move, although it was clear he wished she would just go away. It was up to her to get him to open up, and she wasn’t sure how.
So she said the first thing that came to mind. “I was scared, when I realized how ill Charm was, and angry. Even now, I’m still pretty angry.”
He froze, his shoulders bowing, and Mina rushed into speech, before he could start taking the blame for that, too.
“I’m angry because she’s ill, because no child should have to go through what she’s gone through. But the one thing I’m not is angry at you. Are you angry at me?”
That brought him around to face her, and his expression was so anguished she could hardly bear it.
“No! God, Mina, I never wanted you to think that.”
“Then what are you angry about, Kiah?”
He spun away and then back, as though he couldn’t help himself.
“Everything,” he said, his voice gravelly, as though he held the volume down by sheer will. “That Charm was ill, and I wasn’t here to help her. That you had to be the one to make that call, and stay with her during the spinal tap. That—”
He stopped. Cursing, he turned away once more.
She got up, needing to be on her feet, caught somewhere between anger and pain—both for him. All for him.
“Don’t turn away from me, Kiah. Face me and tell me the rest of it.”
“Stop it, Mina.”
It was a plea, but one she had to ignore. For him and, she suspected, for her, too.
“Stop what? Stop trying to be your friend, or trying to help you? Is that what you want, Kiah?”
“No.” He still had his back to her and threw the word over his shoulder, as though he couldn’t stop it from emerging from his throat. “I never wanted to hurt you, Mina, and yet I did, by asking you to take up a responsibility that was mine.”
Moving a little closer, she said, “You didn’t hurt me, Kiah, by asking that of me. I love Charm, and I was honored you’d put her care in my hands.”
“But I shouldn’t have.”
“Why not?”
“It wasn’t your burden to bear!”
