By the time I got into the woods, Nico had disappeared down the trail.
Where had the moron gone? He clearly knew nothing about the woods. If I were an arrogant ass who'd never left the city before, where would I go?
Nope. I had nothing.
When I got to the fork in the trail, where one branch led to the hot spring and the other toward the lake, I hesitated. Two signs announced where each trail went, but I had no idea which one Nico might've chosen. Was he a hot spring guy? Or did he prefer a lake? Maybe he didn't like water, in which case he could take one of the offshoot trails after he picked left or right at this junction. Which did not help me find him.
Damn. What would I tell Mara if her ex disappeared in the woods? Or got mauled by a wild animal?
"Help!"
The cry echoed in the distance. It sounded like a man's voice.
Oh great. What had Nico done now?
"Help me!"
I decided the cry was coming from the hot spring trail and hustled down that path. Not far in, I found Nico.
He huddled in a tree, clinging to a slender branch with his ass pushed into the trunk and his arms lashed around the branch. His eyes were big, and his lips quivered.
"Oh thank God," he said, almost whimpering, when he saw me standing a few dozen yards away. "I'm gonna die. You have to do something."
"Come on, man, you got yourself up there. I'm sure you can get your sorry butt back down again." I waved at the branch he clung to, then at the ground. "It's not that far. Jump."
He flapped his head. "I can't. It'll get me."
I glanced around but couldn't see any dangers. "What will get you?"
"That." He jabbed a finger toward the ground, pointing to the other side of the tree. In a hushed but hoarse voice, he said, "It's waiting to eat me."
Maybe I should've brought a can of bear spray. I hadn't, though, so I crept around the tree, keeping a good twenty feet between me and it at all times. As I rounded the backside, I saw the vicious wild beast that had treed Nico.
The raccoon sat up on its hind legs, holding its cute little paws up.
I looked at Nico and chuckled. "It's a raccoon."
He jabbed his finger toward the animal again. "That thing chased me. It bared its teeth, and now that monster wants to eat me alive. Do something, will you? Save me."
I stifled a laugh, which turned it into a snort. "You probably scared the little guy, so he bared his teeth. Raccoons don't eat people." I glanced at the critter, who was watching Nico with what I took for curiosity. "I think your yelling and fussing caught his attention. He's curious, that's all."
"Do something," Nico snarled. "It's your job to take care of guests, isn't it? That means you work for me. So kill that monster right now."
"Kill it? No way, man. It's a harmless animal." I rushed toward the raccoon, stomping my feet and clapping my hands. "Shoo, little man. Shoo."
The raccoon scampered off, out of sight.
"See?" I said to Nico. "It's gone."
He whimpered again, injecting a slight whine into it too.
"It's okay," I said, trying to sound encouraging. I wanted to tell him to man up and get his own dumb ass down here. Instead, I told him, "You can do it. Just slide off the branch, keeping your arms around it until you're ready to drop."
"Drop?" He almost shrieked the word. "I'll break my neck. You have to call the fire department and get them to bring their truck out here."
"A fire truck?" I tried not to laugh, but come on, the guy was acting like more of a scaredy-cat than my little sister had been when she saw a big old wolf spider for the first time. Bailey had been six, so I cut her some slack. The jerk in the tree didn't deserve any of that. "You can jump down. It's only, like, six feet to the ground."
"No way. It's at least twenty feet."
Oh jeez. Nico was freaking out more than Mara had when she walked into the dining hall and saw all the nudists for the first time.
Nico whimpered again.
"Are you afraid of heights?" I asked.
He glared at me. "No, I am not."
"Okay then, get some cojones and slide off that branch."
"Could you at least pile up some leaves to break my fall?"
I spread my arms, indicating our surroundings. "It's spring. There are no dead leaves, and I'm not denuding the frigging forest to make you feel better. Oh look, there's some moss down here. Aim for that. Time to suck it up, princess, and get your own ass out of the tree."
He scowled at me for a few seconds, then slid his body off the branch with all the lightning speed of a sloth. Which meant he did it so damn slow that I probably developed gray hairs watching it. Seriously. It took him at least a minute to get one leg off the branch. Finally, he was hanging by his arms. Which were wrapped around it like he was dangling over the open jaws of a great white shark. He gaped at the ground like it was a man-eating beast.
"Jump," I said. "Take a breath and just do it."
Nico squeezed his eyes shut, whined like a freaking dog, and let go of the branch. The second his feet touched the ground, his knees buckled. He fell into a heap on the grass.
And he started whimpering again.
"What's wrong with you now?" I asked.
He bent his leg toward his chest, bent his knee, and hugged it while whimpering some more. "I broke my ankle."
Yeah, right. Mr. Whiny-Ass broke his ankle.
"Let me have a look," I said, kneeling beside him. "You have to let go of your leg if you want me to check
