“Oh, Charlee.” He lifted his hand and caressed my cheek. I stiffened under his touch. It didn’t feel right. Not anymore. And that hurt too. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me. And I—”
I retreated a step, and his hand fell back to his side. “You threw it away,” my voice cracked.
“I know. You have no idea what I would give to go back.” Moisture glistened in his eyes.
My heart ached. “There is no going back.”
His mouth pinched together.
“I need to move on,” I said. “I forgive you, Kenny.”
He shook his head, blinking to fight his emerging emotion. “I still love you.”
No. Fern was wrong. I couldn’t do this.
“I know it’s been ten years, and that I don’t deserve anything from you, but I need you to know that I still love you. I’ve always loved you.”
He wasn’t being fair to me. My eyes filled with tears, and I didn’t try to fight them. “Then why did you cheat on me? And with her? Kenny, she’s not even a nice person. And she’s always disliked me.
“You knew about every time she’d made fun of me! You say you’ve always loved me, but out of anyone that you could have betrayed me with, you chose her!” I used the sleeve of my sweater to wipe away the tears. I’m sure I had raccoon eyes now. “So, don’t tell me you loved me, because if you had, you would have never done that!”
“I’m not going to make an excuse for what I did. Because there isn’t one. But I haven’t moved on from us, and I don’t know if I ever will.”
This was killing me. He was literally killing me.
“I know you haven’t moved on either, Charlee. And I hate that I’ve caused you so much pain, but selfishly I’m hoping that’s because you still care for me.” He reached for me again, but I shrugged him off.
“Of course I care for you. Part of me still loves you…”
His eyes lit with hope.
“But that doesn’t mean we can be together,” I sniffed. A breeze kicked up, chilling me through my clothes. I turned around and started walking in the other direction toward my car.
Kenny followed. “Why not?”
I didn’t understand why he wasn’t getting this, as I had just given him the reason a few minutes ago. But then I realized love is blind. And stupid too, it seemed.
That’s how it made me feel. Stupid for loving Kenny when he’d betrayed me and married someone else. Yet hating him at the same time. It’d been a miserable existence. And I was done with that. It might take some time, but Fern was right. I would get over this.
“I think you know why,” I said sharply.
“What? Because of Ashley? Nicky?” he asked, frustrated and confused.
Fine, I’d spell it out for him. “Yes, because of Ashley and Nicky.”
“But you said you forgave me,” he implored.
“I have forgiven you. But forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting.”
He latched onto my arm, pulling me to a stop. “Charlee, that’s not fair.”
I tugged my arm free. “Life isn’t fair. And, Kenny, in case you’ve forgotten, you weren’t fair to me.”
“So, this is it?” He threw up his hands. “It’s over, just like that?”
“Kenny, it’s been over for ten years.” I shivered, chilled by the cool coastal air, and wrapped my arms around myself.
“Charlee, why won’t you give me a chance? Give us a chance? We were so good together. Remember the plans we had. You were going to have your catering—”
I couldn’t bear to hear another word. Without a parting glance I turned and sprinted across the street to my car. I quickly got inside, turned on the engine, and backed out of the parking space.
I didn’t look back at Kenny, and was thankful he didn’t chase after me. I needed some time to think. Fern accused me of hiding from life and she may have been right. But there was a reason for it. It protected me from this.
From being dragged back into my past by a man who now claimed he wanted to be my future. Because now I had to figure out what to do with these feelings — feelings that I wanted to bury and forget.
Chapter Twelve
On the drive back to Fern’s, my phone rang. When I saw it was my mother, I hesitated since I was still crying and didn’t want her to know. I sniffed a couple times and cleared my throat, then answered.
“Charlotte!” my mom shrieked frantically. “Are you busy right now?”
“Well, I’m driving.” I was relieved when my voice came out steady.
“Where? You’re not going back to Portland, are you?” She sounded panicked.
“No, just headed back to Fern’s.”
“Oh good, I need your help.” Something crashed in the background. “Can you come over now?”
“What was that?” I asked. Usually my mom was a model of poise and structure. It sounded like complete chaos had erupted.
“Some kettles fell on the floor,” she groused. “Don’t worry, nothing broke. Not yet anyway. Can you come? I really need you,” she practically begged.
While I didn’t have anything pressing to do (other than wallow in my misery, cry some more, and eat the rest of the caramels and fudge), I still wasn’t sure if spending time with my mom in my current emotional state was a good idea.
I’m sure I was looking more puffy than normal, and it would only take a partially insensitive remark from her to put me over the edge. That and I couldn’t eat the rest of the candy at her house because that would guarantee a flippant comment, and I was really counting on a sugar binge to help me cope through the next few hours.
“Charlotte? Are you still there?”
“Yeah. What do you need help with?” I asked, a little anxious
