It was unfortunate that it took someone getting murdered in Fern’s barn to get me to stay in town long enough to face the past I’d been avoiding for so long. And I’d have to continue to face it and work through it every day I was here.
My history with Kenny wasn’t going to magically disappear or fix itself overnight. My feelings for him still confused me. For some people love might be a choice, something they could put on or take off like a sweater. But for me it wasn’t. I’d been in love with him for over half my life. And even during our time apart, I had loved him. I still did.
Except now I felt that I didn’t want to. Before, all I’d wanted was to rewind back to the time right after high school. I’d vowed that had I been given another chance I would make different choices. That I wouldn’t have gone to college or culinary school. I would have stayed home and married Kenny that summer. I would have worked at the cannery until we had saved enough money for me to start my business.
In the aftermath of Kenny’s betrayal, I’d mentally kicked myself so many times for making the selfish decision to go to college, essentially throwing away the life I’d always envisioned. Now I could see how ridiculous that was.
Fern was right. It was time to let go and move on. It was time to live my life, and not be controlled by the actions of others.
“Charlee.” Fern poked her head into the living room. I shook my head, bringing myself back to the present. I hadn’t even realized Fern had left.
“Cole’s here,” she whispered. “Do you want to see him? I told him you might be taking a nap, so I had to check.”
For all of Fern’s matchmaking desires, she’d put that aside, to make sure that I was okay. It made me realize how much my aunt cared about me, solidifying the choice I made to move back. There wasn’t another person more supportive than Fern. And I loved her for that.
“Yeah, I’ll see him.”
Chapter Twenty-three
I dumped Moose from my lap, scooting out of my chair. Butterflies swirled in my belly. Where had that come from? I’d seen Cole many times over the past week.
Granted, he was usually upset with me. But now I was staying. Which meant I might be seeing him more. Who was I kidding? I would definitely be seeing him more. It was a small town, and my parents and Fern adored him.
Before, the thought of anything developing between us was impossible. But now…
Well, now I had butterflies.
“Hi, Charlee.” Cole barely stepped into the living room, hesitating. He’d changed from his uniform into nice-fitting jeans and a jacket. “Do you think we could talk outside? Oh, unless it’s too cold, then—”
“It’s fine,” I smiled, reaching for my tea and a nearby afghan to wrap around myself since it just occurred to me that I was wearing the hideous gray sweatpants. They were the only thing that was clean, and between these, my owl pajamas, and my too-tight jeans, my options were severely limited.
Cole motioned for me to go first and followed behind, closing the door behind him. At the end of the porch, I took a seat on the swing, making sure my blanket was tucked snugly around me. There was a damp chill in the air, but the fresh air helped to calm my nerves a little.
The sun was beginning to set, offering brilliant shades of oranges, pinks, and reds. Under different circumstances, this setting could be romantic, but the worried expression on Cole’s face doused that notion rather quickly. He leaned against the railing, watching me silently.
“So,” I finally said, breaking through the awkwardness. “Can I get you something to drink? Some tea perhaps?” I suggested, grinning.
He chuckled, easing some of the tension from his frame. “No thanks.”
A few more seconds ticked on by. A honking noise interrupted the silence. We both looked toward the sound, and I saw Cheddar, my aunt’s beige-colored alpaca, happily chowing down on a shrub in the flower bed bordering the porch.
“Is that a—” Cole gaped at the furry creature.
“Yes,” I giggled. “That’s Cheddar. He must have escaped.” Again. Fern really needed to have someone take a look at her fences.
Another moment of silence passed.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, concerned.
“I’m fine,” I answered honestly. Actually, I was feeling better than fine, since I made the decision to return home. His expression said he didn’t believe me. He approached the swing and sat down next to me, sending it into motion.
“You have no idea how scared I was when I saw you fall into the water.”
The brevity of his tone made me uncomfortable. “It was more of a belly flop,” I added lightly.
He frowned at me.
“I know, I could have drowned, and it was really stupid and foolish of me to go and see Russell. And I’m sorry,” I recited monotone.
The skin at the edge of his eyes crinkled, but his mouth remained unsmiling. “I swear you’ve given me gray hair this past week.”
“Oh, I think you already had a few.” I leaned a little closer inspecting his perfectly combed dark brown hair. His lips struggled not to crack a smile.
His hand cupped my chin, turning my face to inspect the shiner on my right eye. A shiver raced down my spine. “Does that hurt?” He must have seen me wince, only it wasn’t from pain.
“No, I took some Tylenol earlier.”
He dropped his hand. “Russell said Sting Ray hit you.”
It wasn’t shocking to hear that the slimy insurance salesman had turned on his partner in crime the first chance he got.
“Yeah, but Russell called Sting Ray to come take care of me.”
“You mean kill you,” Cole corrected.
“Yeah, same thing,” I said dryly.
“I’m really glad you’re okay.” He lowered his voice to just above a whisper.
“Me too.” I matched
