That was the rule. The gods had been known to break the rule if it seemed like fun, however.
Harik examined Pil and then glanced back at me. “I don’t think I will send the Knife back yet. This is too entertaining.”
My eyes widened. “What did you call her?”
“The Knife.” Harik snickered. “Ponder that for a while.”
I hung my head. “All right. Pil, please hush. I promise that if something deadly comes along, I will throw you in front of it and save myself.”
Pil’s voice quavered. “That’s . . . I know I’m acting crazy, but I can’t stop.”
“It’ll all be fine, don’t worry. You’ll be mashing my hand off again in just a minute. Harik, go ahead and tell me what a bad fellow I’ve been, you nipple-scraping nugget of filth.”
Harik frowned. My insult might have made him a little bit angry, but he said, “Besides our agreement that you shall have no more children . . .” He glanced at Pil and raised his eyebrows. “You have also promised to take my book to the northern kingdoms. You have not done so, nor have you shown an inclination to do so.”
“Where in the northern kingdoms, Mighty Harik?”
“That has not yet been revealed to you.”
I shrugged. “So, I can just sail up to the northern kingdoms, pitch the book onto whatever beach I land on, and sail away?”
Harik lowered his eyelids. “No. You may not. You shall deliver my book into the hands of the person I select. You shall exercise care, as if it were made of crystal.”
“Oh, hell. I’ve been carting it around in a saddlebag with the bacon and a spare bridle.”
Harik leaned back and disappeared into the gazebo’s dimness. “You may dispense with your limp attempts at humor. You carry the book right there near your heart.”
“I don’t intend to ride around in circles all over the northern kingdoms until you direct me to a particular man or woman. Or barnyard animal. Once you do direct me, I will proceed with the greatest diligence to get shut of this horrible book. As a mark of my pure intentions, I will ride north in the morning, just on faith.”
Harik chuckled. “You intend to ride north in any case. You seek to kill Memweck.”
I tried not to pause at that news. I smiled instead. “Yes, we intend to kill the holy hell out of Memweck. Then we’ll have a party and maybe a holiday at the beach. I hope Memweck isn’t a friend of yours.”
“He is not.”
I walked a couple of steps toward the gazebo. “Well, then, would you like to say nasty things about him? Gossip a little?”
“I would not. Go to the northern kingdoms and put Memweck out of your thoughts.”
I laid my sword over my shoulder. “I might do that, except he stole a bunch of babies and children.”
Harik moved into sight again and stepped down one step. If we had reached toward each other, we could have touched hands. “Murderer, allow Memweck to take whatever he wants. Just deliver my book and ride away.”
“So, Memweck’s in the northern kingdoms too! Like the book!”
Harik paused. “No, he’s not.”
“Where is he, then?” I had only been needling Harik about Memweck’s possible location, but Harik sounded guilty when he denied it.
“You have no reason to know that!” Harik’s upper lip curled in a scowl.
I opened my mouth, but he cut me off. “Although I despise you in almost every possible way, you cannot doubt that I value your continued existence, the murders you commit, and the trades you have left in you. Listen when I tell you to leave Memweck alone.”
I hurried to make sense of that. I had never heard of Memweck, so he wasn’t a god. He wasn’t a sorcerer. Harik wouldn’t look all dire and solemn about some shitty sorcerer. He could be a powerful spirit, like an ocean spirit, or maybe a mountain spirit.
Or, less likely but more terrifying, Memweck might be some type of void-walker, solitary and unpredictable beings that moved between worlds whenever they wanted. They could look like just about anything: a bear, a chubby old lady, or a sack of apples, with almost any powers imaginable. The chance of this was tiny, but one might have decided to drop out of the Void into the world of man for a brief rest of three or four centuries.
I smiled at Harik again. “I understand, you dripping toad. Well, if I’m to arrive at the northern kingdoms in good book-delivering condition, I might need some more power. I think I have plenty, mind you, but it might be wise not to be caught short. Mighty Harik, may I prevail upon you to make me an offer?”
“I offer you nothing, Murderer. I know that you will use any power I grant you to seek out Memweck. You will be crushed flat and then pulled into shreds. Then he will burn the shreds, or merely cook them and feed them to wild beasts. Much depends upon how bored Memweck is when you find him.”
“That’s a shame, because an oracle says that Memweck wants to find me and kill me. And not just any sorcerer will do for him. Floppy-Ass Memweck wants me and no other.”
Harik sat quietly in the dimness of the gazebo for a full fifteen seconds. He might have been thinking, or making faces at me, or biting his divine fingernails, I don’t know. At last, he said, “Well, that’s something to think about. Goodbye, Murderer.”
Harik hurled Pil and me back into our bodies. We collapsed onto the vigorous young grass. She never let
