Cassie filled the silence with item number three on her list, despite the uneasy feeling that she was speaking out of turn.
“I was wondering if she might need some help—someone to talk to, or if her schoolteachers need to be made aware. There might be bullying issues.”
Cassie had wanted to say more, but her words trailed off, silenced by Ms. Rossi’s gaze as she regarded her from over her tortoiseshell spectacles.
“I have another idea,” she said.
“What—what is that?”
Picking up her fork, Ms. Rossi carefully sliced and ate another mouthful of chicken before speaking again.
“I think your game yesterday has been detrimental to both my children.”
Cassie’s stomach clenched at the words.
“Do you—do you really think so?”
“Unfortunately, yes. The consequences are obvious. Venetia has lost her appetite and does not seem well, and now Nina has skipped school and spent the day hiding.”
Ms. Rossi’s gaze intensified. “Hiding. Hide-and-seek.”
Cassie felt her face burn with shame.
“You must remember,” Ms. Rossi continued, spearing another piece of chicken, “that while my girls are extremely well disciplined, they are also only children, and they are prone to children’s fears. I told you very clearly when you started work, that we have had attempted incidents. A break-in, and an incident of attempted kidnapping.”
Cassie swallowed hard, seeing where this was heading.
“My children needed order and structure in their lives. But in you came, and turned their world upside down with a game that could only serve to upset them.”
“Oh, no,” Cassie whispered, horrified.
“Do you not realize that they have done drills with security experts, on how to hide away if there is a home invasion?”
Cassie caught her breath.
“Though necessary for safety, such drills leave a lasting impression on young children; they cause anxiety and mental scars. The game you played yesterday, so irresponsibly, must have reminded them about that. Now we are all suffering the consequences.”
“I’m so sorry,” Cassie gasped.
Ms. Rossi took a forkful of vegetables, gleaming in gravy, and carefully spread polenta on it.
“We all make mistakes. What I require you to do, from here on, is comply with the rules. If you are not sure of them, by all means ask. But if you are unsure, it is always better to be cautious than reckless, not so?”
Cassie nodded miserably, watching her chew and swallow.
“I thought when I hired you that you were the right person, and that you would have the correct instincts to help care for my children. I see now that I was wrong. You have made me regret my decision, and now you will have to prove yourself to me all over again. Do not make another mistake. You have already been given one chance too many.”
Suddenly, her voice was like a whip.
“You may leave. The children will not need you tonight. Go to your room, and I will check on them when I return, later this evening.”
“I’m sorry,” Cassie said again.
She climbed to her feet, feeling as if she’d just staggered out of a boxing ring.
Somehow she managed to get herself to the door, and through it, before she started to cry.
This was all her doing. She’d been irresponsible, just as Ms. Rossi had said. She’d been a complete idiot, making misguided decisions in her efforts to assert herself and make the children like her.
She hadn’t been putting Nina and Venetia first, not at all.
Cassie felt ashamed to think what the security drills might have done to a young child, and how much fear they might have been suppressing, knowing that they would have to hide to save their life if an intruder broke in.
She’d been told about the security concerns, and she hadn’t listened, and now she had failed the children and caused lasting trauma as well.
Cassie made her faltering way back to the kitchen. Nina had already left, having washed her plate and tidied her glass away, but the food was still out on the counter.
With her appetite gone, Cassie covered the meal and put it into the fridge. Then she stumbled upstairs.
Needing some comfort, she climbed under the shower and stood there for a long time, letting the hot needles of water soothe the chills of shame and inadequacy that she felt.
It was while standing in the shower that she found herself remembering a game that she and Jacqui had played, long ago.
Cassie must have been nine at the time. It was after they’d had a talk at school from the local police department. The uniformed sheriffs had spent time in each classroom, explaining what to do if there were any acts of terrorism or shooting.
The children had been told to push their desks to the classroom wall and crawl under them, as far under as they could go, and to stay there, as quiet as mice.
All the children had been scared, because it had opened up a world of possibilities they’d never thought could exist. Cassie already knew that violence could occur in her home. But at school? That, so far, had been a safe place.
When she and Jacqui had gotten home, they had talked about what the police had said, and after that, they’d started playing, taking turns at hiding under the kitchen table while the other one had burst into the room.
That play had been their way of handling things. Cassie hadn’t felt so scared about the possibility of having to get under her desk at school, after she and Jacqui had turned it into a game.
If playing a game had helped the two of them, how could playing a game have harmed these children so badly? Especially since, at the time, they hadn’t appeared to be upset.
Turning the shower off, Cassie felt the weight of guilt lift off her just a little.
Though she’d been warned not to, she decided to go and speak to the children. They would know if they had been traumatized or not, and if they had been, what was the point of ignoring it? It would surely be better to talk it through.
Cassie
