“If that’s true, why don’t you marry Claire off to Prince Fellis? He looks like the perfect fit for this.”
“Because they are our enemies. Claire is Viscountess of Pilini, the key to the Isles. How could he not want her? He’ll barricade her in her room, take her Island and continue Heior’s expansion. Their heretics would execute you for kissing her on sight. Trust me, we’re not the bad guys.” He tried to put me back on track, but the more I thought about it the less interest I had in Claire and their political madness.
If she didn’t want me, like I thought she did, it would not be worth it as it would not last.
I picked myself up and agreed on doing the bare minimum, like bringing her home two times a week.
Sitting in my chamomile infused bathwater, I scrubbed every inch of my body until it left bruises. I wailed while I planned my departure. I would never marry Tonio, and instead of staying with Deg or Veymor I pushed them all away. It was impossible to find Gerogy on my own, even if I took all the coins with me and bought a map.
I was on my own again.
This time, I would follow my own interests and get as powerful as I could, then see where it would take me.
Over the next weeks, I obeyed Tonio’s orders and stopped meeting Claire apart from my duties.
When she tried holding my hand, I pulled it away and rejected every apology she whispered during courses.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you thought of us like that,” she said and pushed me farther away.
For me, the romance had ended, and I kept it casual between us with impersonal chatter. Still, she involved me in the party planning, and I accepted every suggestion she made towards the flavour of the cake, decorations and the guest list.
Besides her, I’d made no new friends. My alchemy coursemates were just that, coursemates. I didn’t know their lives outside the academy, but Claire insisted on inviting them anyway so I could change that. She did her best, trying to fulfil my wishes, but it was not enough. The image of her kissing somebody else turned my stomach and reappeared whenever she sought my affection.
After Doctor Di Centi’s dinners, Claire would often pull on my sleeves and ask me to stay overnight. The day before our birthday party, she ambushed me while I slipped through the door of the dining room. This time I gripped her wrists tightly, holding her away, instead of rushing away. “Please, Claire, please,” I said, “don’t touch me.”
“What else can I do? Tell me and I’ll do it. I broke things off with Bryon and I’m waiting for you. I’m waiting. There’s no one else.”
When she cried, she looked like a toddler with her runny nose and slurred words. I couldn’t resist comforting her with a hug, even though she had clearly overstepped my boundaries—I still craved her. It was not a longing for her flesh but rather her peaceful presence around me. I would refrain from calling it ‘love’.
“Forgive me,” I said and left.
The lavender she left on my garments tortured me on my way to the tower, and I debated if I could attend our birthday celebration without causing a scene. I sensed she would use it as an opportunity to rekindle our relationship, and I could not deny that I wanted to see her try.
There, I sensed the wolfess beside me again and paused. Her snout circled me twice before she flapped her ears, leading me to her den.
My heart throbbed. She showed me the shoes, scarves, and jewellery she collected. Perhaps she thought they were what I searched for. Thankful, I patted her fur and promised to bring more meat for the effort.
Early in the morning, Bryon picked me up and brought me to the manor where we enjoyed breakfast together while servants placed decor and flowers around us.
Claire stood awfully silent. Apart from pulling on my sleeves, she hesitated to talk to me until the first guests arrived.
“All this is for you and for me.”
At the party, Tonio acquainted me with Laora Colvin, our Countess, and her husband Pete, whose face was identical to Kress’s. She was fierce and whooped as if every word of hers was an announcement. Pete stood beside her quietly, looking at his pointy shoe caps.
“My godson is the most desirable bachelor of the province,” she said and tapped Tonio’s shoulder. “I’m blessing your marriage, dear children. I know your Papá can’t wait.”
“Talk some sense into him, will you?” Tonio asked, but Laora shook her head.
“No, no. Look at this magical flower. You ought to birth an heir while she blooms.”
She excused herself to greet other guests and left me suspecting that she would do the exact opposite of what Tonio requested. He reassured me that no one would wed us until we proclaimed ourselves ready, but it didn’t soothe the flickering between my breasts.
A local bard had recited his rhymes about almost all guests that arrived while they placed their presents on one pile. He walked through the masses and approached us while stroking his lute.
“A lovely pair, all eyes can see.
Blessed with riches your union be.
Stranded princess of coal meets one silver coin.
For all world wishes these colours to join.”
He bowed to me, caressing my hand, and I had to smile, even though I wasn’t in the mood.
When Claire entered the room in a new dress, his attention deviated over to her.
“Little bird with sparkling feathers.
Her special day is all that matters.
We came to see her laugh and dance.
I hope to be worthy of her glance.”
“Whatever, Garrey.” She bypassed him, pushing his lute out of her way.
The bard grinned at her and continued strolling through the crowd as if nothing had happened.
“Our Countess is iron.
Or Countess is steel.
Most likely you’ll eye her,
out in the sea.
Fire! Fire, when she departs.
Fire! Fire, in my heart.”
Claire