That was when he’d attacked MJ. Shit. He couldn’t believe he’d been so far gone. How could he stay here and expose her to the danger he posed? He’d thought he was getting better, that being around her had helped both him and Maverick heal from all they’d experienced.
He carefully rolled away from her and slipped out of the bedroom, his mind full of “what-ifs.” What if he’d hurt her? What if she hadn’t been able to wake him up? Jeez, what if he attacked her again? Post-traumatic stress disorder was a minefield, full of unpredictable, uncontrollable triggers. He should have told her, but he hated to admit he suffered from it. It didn’t matter that the vets’ community was full of people who experienced horrible things in war and suffered PTSD. Hell, it was hard to admit to himself he had it. Telling a woman like MJ was embarrassing and emasculating. He wanted to be a better man than that. He wanted to be a brave warrior who survived shit, not one who was destroyed by the death of his best bud.
He sat at the kitchen table, considering what to do. Maybe he ought to pack up and leave Ridgeview. Maverick would take care of her. She was proficient enough to care for the dog. He let the idea settle in. It would probably be for the best. He rested his head on the table, closing his eyes and trying to absorb what the future would be like without MJ in it. Even though it would be better for her, the emptiness he envisioned for his future life overwhelmed him. He impatiently wiped away the tears that gathered. He needed to man up.
A cold sensation on his bare foot startled him, and he saw Maverick settle under the table at his feet. His cold nose touched Rob’s ankle next, and he reached down to ruffle the fur on the dog’s neck. God, he’d miss this dog. Brown eyes looked up at him, and for a moment, he felt Trevor in the room with them.
“Don’t be a wimp, Rob,” he heard his buddy say. “Stay with her. Love her. Let her help you both move on.”
Could he do that? Could he take that chance? He wanted a normal life. He wanted to love MJ and build a relationship with her. Did he dare risk it?
Maverick whimpered and scrambled out from under the table, looking around as if he’d seen a ghost. He nudged Rob’s hip with his nose, and looked up at him with sad eyes.
“I know, buddy. I felt him too. I don’t know what to do, but I guess I’d better figure it out, huh?”
Maverick licked his hand, and Rob reached over to pet him again. The dog sighed and relaxed against him.
“You’re right, Maverick. She is worth it.” He looked around the room, wishing he still felt Trevor’s presence there. “Thanks, buddy,” he whispered to his absent friend, “I’ll try not to let you down.”
Chapter Sixteen
Rob slid into the bed next to MJ. Initially, he considered sleeping on the couch. She’d come in here after his nightmare, not to spend the night. He lay there, trying not to move. He didn’t want to wake her. She had to get up in a few hours. Sleeping in the same bed didn’t mean they were ready for intimacy, much as he wanted to wake her with kisses, and explore her sweet body. Cool your jets, Romeo. He turned over, facing her back and moved closer to spoon. Nothing wrong with a little cuddling. He listened to her breathe, and the steady, slow breaths lulled him into relaxation.
He woke up to the sound of her alarm from her bedroom. Her warm body still lay pressed against him. He didn’t want to, but he had to wake her up. “MJ, it’s time to get up.” He shook her shoulder slightly.
She moved against him, and he felt himself harden. He rolled back, hoping she wouldn’t notice. “It’s time to get up, sweetheart. Your alarm is going off.”
She breathed in deeply, her eyes popped open, and a smile creased her face. “Sorry. I fell asleep in here. I meant to go back to my room.” A look of uncertainty crossed her face.
“It’s fine. I like your company.” He wouldn’t tell her about his urge to run.
Maverick scrambled to his feet and moved from the end of the bed to Rob’s side. Putting his nose onto the bed, he gave Rob a woebegone look.
He laughed. “Guess Maverick wants breakfast. You get ready for work, and I’ll feed him and start some coffee. What do you want for breakfast?”
“I’ll just have raisin toast. I ate too much last night and don’t need a big breakfast. Let me go take a shower, and I’ll meet you boys in the kitchen.” She rubbed her face and then scurried out of the room.
“C’mon, boy, mangia.”
Maverick answered with a happy expression and several pants as he followed Rob into the kitchen. After a quick trip outside, he fed Maverick and started making breakfast.
As she ate her toast, MJ turned to remind him. “Since it’s Thursday, we have dinner at Mom’s. You’re coming, aren’t you?”
He shook his head and avoided eye contact. “I don’t want to horn in on your family night. We’ll stay here. I’ll wait to take Maverick out for his walk. That way, you can continue to work with him.”
He saw a shadow cross her face, before she put on a fake smile. “Sure, that’s fine. I understand how it might bore you.”
“It’s not that,
