Smiling, I stand on the edge of the yard with a towel around my shoulders, nursing a lemonade and watching everyone have a good time. This is what I always imagined when I was renovating this place; the backyard full of life and laughter and love. This feels good.
Cinderella and her friends are over by the hedges, having another smoke. Across the yard, Walker has Penny seated on an abandoned table. They’re smiling and grinning in each other’s faces as he drapes a towel around her shivering shoulders then he stands between her legs, carefully mopping up her smudged makeup with a dry cloth. ‘We’re just friends’. That’s their official line but those two aren’t fooling anyone.
Diana strolls up to me, laughing and wringing water out of her hair. “That was fun, huh?”
I hand her a towel. “It was.”
She grins, looking ten years younger with the happiness lighting her face. “And to think you almost missed out.” She runs the towel over her head.
I chew on my lip, ashamed that I almost let my insecurities deprive me of the moment, wishing I could push through my doubts more often and claim the things I really want from life.
It’s like Diana can read my thoughts. She places a hand on my arm. “Dear, it’s okay to loosen up and have fun sometimes.”
“I-I just get so self-conscious…It’s just I don’t have a body like Penny or Jessa or Lexi…I don’t want people looking at me. Judging me. I’m just not comfortable in my skin, y’know?”
Jeez, Iris. Overshare Central over here.
I barely even know the woman but she just has this soothing presence that makes me feel like I can tell her anything.
“A lot of the time, I feel like I’m trapped inside a body that’s not even my own. A body that’s bigger than my brain realizes. Sometimes I feel pretty, but then I see a photo of myself, and can’t believe it’s me. Stupid, I know.” I swallow a big breath. “Still, I realize that I should be grateful that my body works properly even if it doesn't look exactly the way I want it to. My self-image issues don’t compare to tangible problems. Like what Jude is going through.”
“The people who love you are gonna love you no matter what you look like. The people who don’t love you are gonna be bitter no matter what you look like. And it’s not your job to change anyone and their opinions.” Jude’s mother sighs. “Dear, some bitches are just bitter and there’s not much anyone can do about it.”
I think my eyes bulge in shock when she says that. She laughs heartily at my expression.
“What I’m trying to say is, beauty shines from the inside, out. Doesn’t matter what you do or don’t put in your mouth. You’ll never be happy with your body if you’re emotionally malnourished.” She squeezes my shoulder.
The truth of her words strike deep and hard. I’ve been depriving myself. Not only when it comes to what I eat but also, how I love and how I feel about myself. I’ve been depriving myself on every level. No wonder I feel crappy all the time.
Jessa is bringing out the cake now. Callie calls out excitedly for her guests to gather round. Diana loops her arm through mine and pulls me toward the crowd. And this sense of inclusion I feel, this sense of acceptance and belonging, I like it so much.
Jude approaches me from behind and clenches his hands on my hips as we all circle round the cake and sing the Happy Birthday song to the special girl. Callie crawls onto a chair to bend over the table and blow out her candles. The crowd cheers when she gets all five candles out on the first try.
When she’s done, we watch her tear through gift bags and wrapping paper to get at her new books and toys.
Finally, she gets down to the last envelope. It’s small and a little wrinkled but Mr. Kingston handles it reverently. Diana holds Callie in her lap. Mr. Kingston sits beside them and pulls a handmade card out of the envelope.
“Callie, this one is from your daddy,” the man tells his granddaughter in a somber tone.
A tense hush falls over the yard.
Mr. Kingston clears his throat and begins to read. “My sweet Callie, I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it to your birthday party but just know that in my heart, I’m always right there, celebrating with you. I’m so proud of the person you’re becoming. I am your biggest fan, cheering you on from afar, waiting impatiently for the day I get to see you again. I hope all your birthday wishes come true. Happy fifth birthday, Angel. I love you today and always, Daddy.”
As Mr. Kingston concludes reading the note, I struggle to keep from shedding a tear. I glance around the yard and realize that I’m not the only one on the verge of crying. Diana cradles the child, stroking her hair, kissing the crown of her head as she whispers softly into her ear.
A while later, the adults get busy taking down the decorations and clearing away used paper plates. Cinderella tucks her paycheck into her cleavage and goes over to say goodbye to the birthday girl.
The princess brushes wild curls back from the child’s face. “I hope you made a biiigggg wish when you blew out your candle, Princess Callie.”
My heart cracks open when the child looks up at the entertainer with a hopeful, innocent gaze. “I did…I wished for a new mommy and a daddy.”
33
Iris
My body is still tingling all over, recovering from another round of world-class orgasms. This talented man is going to ruin me.
Tonight after the guests left Callie’s party, Jude coaxed me into reading him a
