“But—”
“I need that boy here where I can keep an eye on him.”
I moved closer to the sink. I needed to confide in her quietly. And I think she knew it. I think she could see honest information coming. She seemed to withdraw into herself. To move out of the way of the honesty. She never moved her feet, though. It was all an inside job.
“I’m taking him to an NA meeting,” I whispered.
“What is that?” she asked. As if it irritated her not to know. “I don’t even know what that is.”
“Like AA, except for drugs.”
“How do you even know about a place like that?”
“Darren Weller told me. I promised him I would do this for Roy. So please, please don’t stop me from doing this. Okay? It might help. And I promised.”
“Oh.”
I watched her face change. Watched her feelings about the situation evolve—possibly against her will. It always seemed to bother her to let her anger drop away. It was something she seemed to want to hold tightly.
“Well I guess I underestimated you,” she said. “I’ll drive you boys.”
“No. We have to go on our own. He agreed to go with me on the condition that it would be just the two of us. And he doesn’t know where we’re going, so don’t spill the beans, okay?”
A long pause.
Then all she said was, “You need money for the bus?”
“It would be nice, yeah.”
I’d been hoping Roy had some. If not, we were on foot.
I followed her to her purse, where she dug out a handful of change. She dropped it into my palm, staring into my face the whole time. It made me uncomfortable. It made me need to look away.
I felt her hand on my cheek.
“You’re a good boy,” she said. “Take care of your brother.”
Then she hurried off. Before I could even answer her. Before she’d be forced to confront the fact that she’d said a kind and loving thing.
We got off the bus on Main Street, near the end of the business district. It turned residential farther down.
It was almost six, and I wanted to walk faster. I didn’t want to be late for the meeting. But I had to slow my steps for Roy.
The sun was on a long slant behind us, but it was still hot. Weirdly hot. I could feel it baking the back of my neck. I could feel sweat trickling down into my collar.
“Where are we going?” he asked.
I figured this time he meant it more logistically. Like “Which way should I walk?” At least I hoped so.
“The bank,” I said.
“Isn’t the bank closed after five?”
“The community room.”
The community room was a separate room in the back with a separate entrance. It made no difference if the bank was open or not.
“Oh,” Roy said.
I could feel him wanting to ask more. But, to his credit, he didn’t.
We walked around the corner of the bank. I was still shortening and slowing my strides for Roy, who seemed to be tired already on his crutches. We walked down the side street and into the parking lot.
The door of the community room was standing wide open, and the light that spilled out of it felt welcoming. I could smell cigarette smoke and coffee.
A big handful of guys and one lady were standing around in the parking lot smoking and talking. Two massive chopper-style motorcycles sat parked among a smattering of cars. The guys nodded to us as we walked slowly by.
Then, just at the doorway, Roy stopped cold.
I had already walked into the room, where tables had been arranged in a big square. It took me a second to realize that Roy wasn’t with me anymore.
I backtracked, and found him staring at a handwritten paper sign taped to the wall next to the open door.
It said: NA MEETING IN PROGRESS—PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB.
“No,” Roy said when he saw I was there. Not really in a defiant way. More like he was churning things around in his head, and this was the only thing he could push out.
“But you already promised.”
I watched him chew that over behind his eyes, still staring at the sign. As if it took many minutes to read every word.
“But I didn’t know what I was promising.”
“But you promised to do whatever it was without knowing what it was.”
A pause. I felt like my whole life was resting on that pause. Bowing everything under the weight. Ready to snap something at any minute.
“Tell you what,” Roy said. “I’ll go to the meeting. But only if I can do it by myself. You have to go home.”
“But I promised Darren Weller I’d stay with you.”
“Oh,” he said. “Darren Weller. Got it. That explains a lot. Look. Seriously. Buddy. This is not the kind of thing a guy does in front of his little brother. Can you understand that? I’ll give the meeting a try this one time, but first you have to go home.”
I sighed. I saw no way out.
I dug in my pocket and counted out change for the bus trip home. He took it from me.
“You have enough for the bus?” he asked me.
“I do, but I can just walk. Or run it. It’s not even two miles.”
“Oh. Right.”
The people who’d been milling and smoking brushed past us into the room. Through the open doorway I could see the clock on the wall at the end of the long tables. It was straight up six o’clock.
“You’d better go in,” I said. “I think it’s starting.”
He limped in on his crutches, and I closed the door behind him.
I almost went home.
I walked out to the street. It was absolutely abandoned out there. Everybody in town was home for dinner. It felt weird, like standing in a ghost town.
For a minute or two I just stood there and looked around. Then I decided I would wait for him. I didn’t know how long the meeting was. Maybe an
