I’m looking half at the stars and half at the chimney, imagining smoke coming out of it the way it used to in the winter. Or even on a few cool summer evenings. And, yes, I’m positive I’m imagining it. We made sure our fire was out so we didn’t burn down the cabin and the whole forest with it.
I turn on the flashlight and shine it all around again for one last look. Because, even though I guess I could be wrong, I get the feeling that it’s my last look.
The sweep of the light touches on something. A flash of color. I keep the light trained in that direction. On either side of Zoe’s outhouse there’s a riot of untended flowers growing. Colored blooms on long stalks. Some are yellow. Others are purple or red.
Roy comes up behind me. I can hear his footsteps in the dry leaves.
“Whoa,” he says. “I thought those would die without her, but they’ve really taken off since she was gone. There used to be just a little tended patch of them hidden behind the outhouse.”
“Which explains why I never saw them.”
“But you knew, right? You knew she grew flowers and left them on the two graves. Right?”
“I did and I didn’t,” I say.
And he knows me too well to ask for a clarification of that.
I turn off the flashlight. We hang in this place for a time, our eyes adjusting to the darkness again. I can feel how neither one of us really wants to leave.
“You know,” Roy says. And then pauses. “That wasn’t true what you said to Dotty today.”
“What did I say to Dotty that wasn’t true?”
“You did more than just introduce Connor to Zoe. You saved Zoe’s life. It’s only because of you that she even survived long enough for you to introduce him.”
“Oh,” I say. “Right. I guess I wasn’t considering that part of the thing.”
“If you hadn’t developed that weird habit of running with somebody else’s dogs, she would have died in her cabin that day, and there would have been nobody to pull our butts out of the fire. We probably would’ve lost Connor. And I’m not sure if I would’ve gotten clean. Or how I would’ve turned out if I hadn’t.”
I look away from the stars and the chimney. The wild stalks of flowers. Then, with no real outward signal to each other that we’re about to do it, we make our way back toward the road together.
I don’t turn on the flashlight again. Our eyes are adjusted to the lack of light, and besides, if there’s anybody who knows how to navigate a dark night, it’s me and my brother.
“I wouldn’t have been running with somebody else’s dogs if Mom would’ve gotten me one of my own,” I say as we reach the River Road together.
“Then it’s a damn good thing she wouldn’t get you one of your own.”
And in this one perfect but probably fleeting moment . . . nothing in my life has ever been a mistake.
STAY BOOK CLUB QUESTIONS
In this book the author highlights how a single choice can alter the path of one’s life. How might Lucas’s life have been different had he not chosen to take a shortcut through the woods and encountered two strange dogs?
In the face of life-threatening circumstances in Vietnam, Roy makes a choice that ensures he will be sent home. How does this action, coupled with keeping the truth a secret, affect his life going forward?
As a boy growing up, starting at a young age, Lucas felt responsible for everyone and everything. In what ways did his family dynamics play into this type of behavior?
In contrast, his best friend, Connor, chose a completely different way to cope, leading nearly to a tragic end. What was missing in both boys’ homelife? How did meeting Zoe help fill that void for both of them?
For many years, Zoe has carried the guilt of being responsible for the death of two young children. Do you think one can ever make amends for something so heartbreaking? Ultimately, how did this tragedy shape her to become the person Lucas and Connor come to rely on?
Lucas interprets the dogs’ facial expressions about Zoe to mean: “Well, we all know how she is, don’t we? We know how she can be, but we love her all the same.” He goes on to observe “that’s what you really do get from dogs.” What do you think the author was trying to convey in this passage?
During the second part of the book, it is revealed that Lucas felt so strongly about his conviction not to fight in the Vietnam War, he chose instead to go to prison. This was a brave choice during those turbulent times. Was his decision worth the consequences?
At the end of Lucas’s retelling of his life, Harris remarks that everyone dies in Lucas’s story. Lucas replies, “But I still have to say it’s not devastating that people and animals live and then die . . . It’s hard, but those are the rules of the game.” And then he thinks, If you think having and losing is so bad, try never having. Now that’s devastating. Do you agree or disagree with Lucas’s philosophy on life?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Photo © 2019 Douglas Sonders
Catherine Ryan Hyde is the author of more than thirty published and forthcoming books. An avid hiker, traveler, equestrian, and amateur photographer, she has released her first book of photos, 365 Days of Gratitude: Photos from a Beautiful World.
Her novel Pay It Forward was adapted into a major motion picture, chosen by the American Library Association (ALA) for its Best Book for Young Adults list, and translated into more than twenty-three languages for distribution in over thirty countries. Both Becoming Chloe and Jumpstart the World were included on the ALA’s Rainbow List, and Jumpstart the World was a finalist for two Lambda Literary Awards. Where We Belong won two Rainbow Awards in 2013,
