Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.
My heart is a little heavy as we head inside and change into long pants and we all grab sweaters. The air gets much cooler at night, even in the summer. I plaster on a smile, not wanting Callan to think there is anything wrong as we all pile back into his car.
A short while later, we find a grassy spot at the park, which is filled with people, and we settle in to watch the show. Kaitlyn is so hyped, she’s running circles around us, but then stops abruptly.
“Daddy, I have to go to the bathroom.”
“I can take her,” I say and glance at the line near the portables.
“Nah, it’s okay. I’ll take her. Come on, kiddo. Let’s hurry before the show starts.” Callan jumps up, and the sun slips lower on the horizon when he disappears into the crowd. I dig into my purse and pull out my phone, about to text Amanda, to make sure we’re still on for dinner tomorrow night.
As I text, Callan drops back down next to me. “That was fast,” I say but my heart leaps into my throat when I turn and find Brad sitting next to me. He tugs his legs up and wraps his arms around them. “What are you doing here?” I ask and glance around.
He gestures with a nod to the portables. “Lover boy is in the line,” he says. “It’s just you and me.” He eyes me for a second. “Relax, Gemma.”
My heart crashes against my chest. “What do you want?”
He shuffles closer and I move from the blanket to the grass. “You know what I want.”
“And you know I’m with Callan,” I say. “Didn’t we make that clear at the weekend gathering?”
“You’re not really with him, Gemma.” He snorts. “I know all about his wife, and how she died, and how he’s not interested in doing that all over again, so believe me when I say I know you’re not really with him.”
“I don’t know where you got your information. But you’re wrong,” I say, even though it’s a lie. Brad is telling me the hard truth that I haven’t wanted to face as we played house this last month. “You should leave.”
“No, Gemma, you’re the one who should leave. If you think he’s going to give you what you want, you’re wrong.”
“You don’t know anything about us.”
“Now that’s where you’re wrong. I know everything.” I open my mouth to tell him to leave, but he cuts me off. “You always wanted a family, and children of your own. He’s not going to give you that, Gemma.” A fast pause and then, “I will, though. We used to talk about that, remember?”
Tears fill my eyes, and I work to blink them back. “I remember a lot of things, Brad, and most of them aren’t good.”
“Things will be different this time.”
“You said that to me many times to get me back, but things never changed, Brad. You have anger issues and need therapy.”
“That’s because you continued to do things that angered me, baby. If you would just stop that…”
I shake my head. Just like a typical narcissist, he’s turning the blame on me. Gaslighting me. But I’m stronger now. Being with Callan, a man who treats me with respect, has taught me so much, about myself, and life. I hate that I stayed with him as long as I did, that I believed he would change, that he cared about me enough to try. I was broken then. But I’m not now. Callan helped put the pieces of myself back together.
“We were good,” he says in a low soft voice, the same one he used to use when he swore things would get better. But I’m not that girl he once knew. I’m a different person now, and it’s not going to work. “Remember how much fun we had when we went to that bed and breakfast on the lake last year?”
“I remember,” I say. “Things were good at first, then you got angry when I nearly tipped the canoe. Do you remember that, Brad?”
He ignores the comment and says, “We made love by the fire that night. Remember how good that was?”
I shake my head as my blood rushes faster through my veins, and once again, the world spins around me. I calm myself as my mind goes back to that weekend, and what I remember—Brad taking me rough, getting off and rolling over and going to sleep.
“Just leave, please,” I say and inject authority into my voice.
His voice takes on a hard edge when he says, “You’ll be mine again, Gemma. I promise you that.”
“I don’t want you, Brad. I want Callan, and you’ll never be half the man he is.”
His twisted smirk slithers down my spine and elicits a hard shiver. “Yeah, but he’ll never really be yours, now will he? The sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll come back to me.”
“No—”
“Don’t make this hard on yourself, Gemma. Don’t make me come for you.”
14
Callan
As the morning sun rises on the horizon, I lay in bed, my arm on my forehead as my thoughts go back to yesterday. Jesus, my heart nearly jumped from my chest after Kaitlyn asked if Gemma could be her mother. We’ve been having fun together and she’s so good with my daughter, but committing and giving myself fully, scares the living shit out of me. I can’t imagine a life without Gemma in it. But I don’t know if I can give her what she wants. After losing a wife and unborn son, I’m not sure I have it in me to walk that road again. Take those kinds of chances.
Last night, on my way back from the portables with Kaitlyn, I knew Gemma and I needed to talk, but realized it would have to wait when I found a very shaken up Gemma. The second she told me
