Shit, Steve would probably be back soon… if he wasn’t back already. Bollocks.
“If you’re worrying about Steve, don’t. He had some American Football try-out this evening for that team he was talking about last week. He won’t be back till like nine at the earliest.” Simon smiled at me, pressing a kiss to my jaw. “He put it in the group chat earlier.”
“You know I never fucking read that.”
“I know. That’s why I mentioned it. You looked like you’d seen a ghost.” He laughed and snuggled closer into me. I pressed a kiss to his temple, stroking his hair.
Whatever this was, it wasn’t casual anymore… I just didn’t know what it was. It felt like it was bordering on a relationship. That was the question though—did I want a relationship with Simon?
Yes. Yes, I thought I did.
For once in my life, that idea didn’t terrify me as much as it should have or had in the past. But I wasn’t sure what that meant. I just knew I didn’t really want to think too much about it. Answering a hypothetical question in my brain was one thing; acting on the answer was another.
“Come on, we need to get cleaned up and get some food,” I said finally. “I’ll cook something after we’ve grabbed showers. Are you okay with stir fry?”
“That’s fine. You could always join me you know?”
“I’m not trying that again. It was a bloody disaster last time we tried it. I’m gonna use mine while you use the hall bathroom.” We’d finally attempted to squeeze the two of us into the bath for a shower last weekend. Not only had I frozen to death like Simon had predicted, but I’d nearly fallen out of the shower trying to change places with him. A broken leg was the last thing I needed.
“Fine.” Simon rolled his eyes cheekily, giving me a last kiss before he rolled off the bed.
I watched him go, my chest full of warmth and affection. Simon was the most fucking amazing man I’d ever met, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go much longer without telling him. I just had no idea how to do that.
I needed help.
Grabbing my phone, I headed for my bathroom, opening Pornblr to see if Thick Boy in Lace had answered. He hadn’t. I shook my head. Fingers crossed I could talk to him over the weekend. Actually talk this time, not sext.
I didn’t think I wanted that anymore.
I didn’t get a reply until Saturday afternoon, while I was lying on the sofa watching The Great British Bake-Off reruns on Netflix. It was my guilty pleasure show, and it always gave me the most intense cravings for whatever they were making. Simon was at the gym and Steve was out at training, having made the team he’d tried out for. I was watching pastry week and lamenting one contestant’s attempts at making a tart—it was definitely going to have a soggy bottom—when my phone flashed.
thick boy in laceHey! Sorry for not replying sooner. Everything okay?
mr. smith Yeah, it’s okay. Was just having a panic
mr. smith Confession time. I’ve sorta started seeing someone, and I was freaking out
thick boy in laceAh shit! Anything I can help with?
mr. smith Nah, it’s fine. I’ll live. How’s everything with you? You still hooking up with your friend?
thick boy in laceYeah… it’s going great. He bought me panties
thick boy in lace Like really nice panties
thick boy in lace I Googled the brand. They’re really fucking expensive
thick boy in lace I’m kinda confused because he said he’s not interested in a relationship, but he does shit like that, and he’s ridiculously sweet to me. He spoils me rotten and makes me feel like I’m the only person who matters
thick boy in lace It’s making it so much harder to pretend it’s just a hook-up
Ouch. That hit close to home.
Really close to home.
Fuck.
I felt like I was having my own experience described to me, and I wondered if this was how Simon felt?
thick boy in lace I just wanna know if it’s real, you know? It would hurt if it wasn’t, but it’s starting to hurt more not knowing
thick boy in lace Fuck, sorry! I didn’t mean to whine to you
mr. smithI get it. I really fucking do
mr. smith I really like this guy I’m hooking up with, but I’m fucking terrified if I’m being honest
mr. smith What if he doesn’t want a relationship? I don’t have the best dating history, but this guy is amazing, and I just wanna make him happy
mr. smith What the fuck am I gonna do?
thick boy in lacelol aren’t we a pair?
mr. smith Yeah. It fucking sucks, right?
thick boy in lace Oh yeah!
thick boy in lace This is usually the time I’d ask if you wanna get off with me
thick boy in lace But I don’t really wanna do that
mr. smith Me neither. Sorry
thick boy in lace It’s okay. Think I’m just gonna drown my sorrows at the gym
mr. smith lol I’d crack open the whiskey but it’s only 2:30
thick boy in laceIt’s 5 o’clock somewhere, right?
mr. smith True lol
We chatted for a little while longer, mostly just about mundane life stuff and our new favourite TV shows. Afterwards, I focused back on Bake-Off and gave my own opinion on the contestant’s showstoppers, even though I couldn’t bake for shit. Simon came home an hour later to find me still sprawled on the sofa, muttering darkly to myself about the ins and outs of bread making.
“How was the gym?” I asked as he flopped down beside me, not taking my eyes off the screen.
“Okay,” he said, his voice thicker than usual. “I’ve got a bit of a headache though.” I turned to look at him. His skin was slightly pale and looked almost tacky, but not as if he’d been sweating in the gym.
“Do you feel bunged up?” I raised an
