“Okay,” I sniveled, hugging the gift bag to my chest.
“We’ll see you on Saturday, okay?”
I could only nod before he ambled back inside.
After retrieving my purse, I went out the back and started my long walk home. Though I did have a car, the walking was supposed to be good for me or something, and I couldn’t really afford to put gas in said car anyway.
The thinking was necessary. When Kai reacted the way he did, followed by a similar reaction from Ava, I had written them both off and set my mind on doing this alone. But he’d sent a gift with his sister, and he had no idea how much it meant. He’d apologized—for the millionth time, based on the amount of texts and emails he’d sent over those two months. As well as trying to call me every single day to apologize over the phone. He’d gotten the baby something. Acknowledged the thing growing inside me was part his. That brought even more tears to my eyes, which I did my best to stifle.
Ava had been a bitch again, accusing me of lying to her brother. I wasn’t sure I wanted any part of that drama. Not when I’d worked my ass off to remove all drama from my life. I had sacrificed everything to take control. Having to rely on anyone was infuriating. Admitting that I might actually need to with the condition my health had plummeted to was intolerable. I might actually need him in my life, though only for the help. No relationship. No expectations.
That might work.
It had to.
And he would be done in a month, so he could be around to help.
When I got home, I made the phone call I’d been avoiding for two miserable months.
“Kate,” he answered, sounding groggy, which had me realizing I didn’t check what time it might be in Germany.
“Sorry. You can call me later.”
“No!” There was some rustling in the background. “No. I was hoping you’d call. I don’t give a shit what time it is.”
“Umm… okay.” I plopped on my couch, gulping in some air with the hope it would give me courage.
“You saw Ava? She gave you the gift?”
I snorted. “Yeah. She gave it to me. Along with an earful about how I’m only pinning this on you because you’re the only one-night stand I actually remember. And of course, she did this while I was working.” That all fell from my mouth in a tumble of words I didn’t mean to let out. I hadn’t called him to give him the guilt trip.
“Shit, Ava,” he snarled. I bit my tongue to keep from interjecting. “I’m sorry, Kate. For that. For what I said when you told me. For what she said when you told her. All of it.”
“It isn’t like I don’t deserve the speculation. I’ve slept with a lot of guys. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with Ava being a bitch to me while I’m at work.”
“Right.” He sighed. I sighed. The conversation fell stagnant. This wasn’t going how I had planned.
I cleared my throat and picked at some lint on the couch. “Anyway. Thank you… for the gift… but I can’t accept the money.” No matter how badly I needed it, I couldn’t. Accepting it seemed sleazy somehow.
“You can.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “Look, Kate. I was a dick. I didn’t even…. You were straight with me. I knew there were other guys. The number isn’t my business. But I shouldn’t have held that against you. If you were honest with me about that, you wouldn’t lie to me about this.”
Honesty. He thought I was an honest person. He had no idea, no inkling of how wrong he was. My life revolved around lies. A lot like his sister Mia’s life had a while back. She had dealt drugs her senior year. When she tried to quit, they went after Ava, her twin. But she still didn’t tell any of them she was dealing. Instead, she ran off to get away from the lies. She and I probably would have been better roommates than Ava and I had been. We would have understood each other.
I may not have been a drug dealer, but I had my reasons for the lies. For running. Now all those lies, all my secrets, were at risk.
“Say something, Kate,” he urged, jerking me from my thoughts. My stomach churned.
“I… I… I don’t need you. I don’t need your help, your sympathy, or your money.” It all tumbled out in a rush. None of the things I’d decided to say on my walk home. But when the thought of what letting him help could do to my carefully constructed life hit me, it just came out. Letting him help me could destroy everything. I never let anyone close enough to learn anything real about me. Just letting him be there for his kid alone could ruin everything I’d built.
What the hell am I bringing this poor kid into?
There was silence. I would have thought he’d hung up if I couldn’t hear him breathing jaggedly. “I think, just this once, Kate, it would be okay for you to surrender some of the control.” My heart pounded in my ears. I could not give up my control. Not for anything. “I am just as responsible for that baby as you are. If not more.”
“How’s that?” My breathing was just as ragged as his. Nausea rolled through me despite the medicine.
“I was the one who wanted to have sex with you. I was the one who talked you into it that day, even after you told me it would only be the one time. I was the one who insisted we didn’t need a condom, that it would be okay—I was clean. I said all that to you
