Dolly came over to me and whined.
“Let’s go home,” I said and she seemed to understand me. I got up with shaking legs and made my way back to the house. The lights were still on next door when I glanced back one more time.
Chapter Two
Jude
I tried to remember her, but since there had been four years between us in high school, the memories were hazy. She’d had friends, from what I’d seen, and seemed to do okay in that fishbowl environment. Not always fighting against the current like me.
I didn’t know what she was doing back here, and I was trying not to care, but this was one of the first interesting things to happen in Salty Cove in a while. I also hadn’t missed the way she’d looked at me earlier. Might be my imagination, but I was pretty sure I’d seen interest there, which was interesting on its own. She’d definitely been interested in guys, last I knew. I’d known that I liked girls, and girls only, from a young age. I’d refused to hide who I was and had come out at an age where kids were the most vicious. Still, I’d gotten through it but bore the hidden scars.
Not that I was going to pursue anything with her, even if she was interested. No, I wasn’t ready, even now. It had been more than two years but not much had changed. Living in Salty Cove and fishing for lobster was like living in a space where time barely passed, where it moved so slow that you didn’t notice and suddenly you were old and still living the same life you’d had for dozens of years, even though you swore you wouldn’t. This town locked you in, made you forget that there was anything or anyone outside it.
I should probably get out more, but look what getting out of Maine had gotten me. I was back to the place I never wanted to be and I didn’t have any plans about leaving. Where would I go? I’d lost everything. I was lucky to have parents who were thrilled that they could stop paying a property manager and get free labor from their daughter. Now they could spend their time soaking up the sun and drinking cocktails every afternoon in Florida. If I could stand to be with them, I might have joined them.
No, I don’t think I could handle living in Florida. I wasn’t really handling living here, but it was easier to float through my life in a familiar environment, even if that environment was so homogenous that everyone was related to everyone else. Except for me.
My thoughts drifted from my life here back to Iris. She’d clearly gone off to college and now she was back. I knew her father had retired with some injuries, so maybe that was why. Or maybe it was something else and she’d needed a soft place to land. This town was a safety net for so many people. She seemed a little frenetic, or maybe that was her personality. Nervousness radiated from her in waves. It didn’t bother me, though, which was surprising. I normally gravitated toward people who were like me, reserved and quiet, but if she was going to be next door for a while, maybe we could hang out. I definitely needed more friends, since I didn’t have anyone close, just acquaintances.
I’d touched on a nerve when I’d told her not to live in fear, but I’d done that on purpose to see what would happen. Chalk it up to boredom.
She was cute too, I’d have to give her that much. Wide-set blue eyes that had untold stories behind them underneath light brown curls. Her curves were generous and lush. No, I wasn’t going to think about her body. Completely inappropriate. I hadn’t thought about anyone’s body that way since...
Everything always came back to that. To her. I couldn’t even think her name without a stab to my heart.
If Iris was cute was irrelevant because I wasn’t going to love anyone ever again. I’d done it once and once was enough. I’d gambled and lost, big time. Iris probably wasn’t going to come back anyway, because I’d been rude and had just left her on the porch with her dog. I’d been afraid that she was going to start asking me personal questions, or try to talk to me, and I was out of practice talking to other people. That was the best part of my job: the no talking to anyone. Sure, there was the stink of bait and the hard physical labor, but every day when I went out, I got to be alone. I preferred being alone these days. It hadn’t always been like that, and I still had friends who tried to get in touch every now and then. Some were persistent and kept trying, even when I gave them nothing. I guess there was something to be said for that. Too bad I was such a shitty friend. Maybe I could practice with Iris.
I finished my beer inside and put the TV on so the house wasn’t so silent. I didn’t really watch it, but the noise and color distracted my brain for a little while. Due to my job, I’d adjusted to a different sleep schedule, so after I put the bottle in the recycling, I stripped off my clothes and headed to bed. I slept with the windows open and the sound of the ocean doing its best to lull me to sleep.
My eyes closed and I felt myself float toward sleep on a soft current. It only lasted for a minute as my brain conjured her face and then I was wide-awake and trying not to cry. They weren’t nightmares, exactly, but they did keep me from ever getting a good night’s sleep.
