Rafael shot me a concerned look because I was holding myself upright solely by the death grip I had on the chair. “Are you ill?”
I waved at him to continue while I still had the presence of mind to focus. The taste of the hot gritty sandstorm clogged my throat and dusted my lips. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth but it brought no relief.
“We don’t know how the Sefer came to earth,” he said, “but once it did, it cracked into five scrolls, and luckily, Chariot only got hold of one. It was enough to allow them to release magic into our world, though they didn’t count on others ending up with it.” He wiped some dust off of one of the pieces. “Unless they have all five, the formula for immortality is denied to them.”
Lucky Rafael that he could stand there unaffected when every molecule in my body cried out.
I swallowed to get some moisture into my mouth. “So, Asherah showed up and created the first Jezebel to engage in some back-and-forth game of who’s got the pieces?”
“She created your kind to destroy the book.”
“But the joke was on her, wasn’t it?” I said. “The magic of each individual piece defeated the Jezebels’ abilities and so we hide them away in hopes Chariot doesn’t find them.”
Lots of perfectly nice people followed Kabbalah with no evil intentions, but of course, as with any ideology, there were those wanting to twist it to their own ends.
“You were created specifically to destroy them.” He removed his glasses, blew on the lenses, and then wiped them clean with the hem of his vest. “Why ever would you be unable to complete that task?”
“I couldn’t destroy the feather.” My vision was getting blurry. I stood up abruptly, breathing heavily.
“Obviously,” he scoffed. “That was part of an angel.”
“But Nefesh magic is diluted angel magic, and I can destroy Nefesh magic.”
“Exactly. Very heavily diluted. Even the tiniest part of an actual angel is beyond your capabilities. Should an angel ever deign to show itself on Earth?” Rafael shuddered. “Regardless, the scrolls we have here are merely pieces and we need the Sefer in its entirety before a Jezebel can destroy it.”
I dragged my feet towards the scrolls, as if pulled by an invisible string. “Close the pillars,” I grated out, harshly. “I passed your damned tests. I proved myself a Jezebel. To exploit my weakness like this is just cruel.”
“What weakness?”
I stilled, my fingertips a scant half inch from one of the scrolls, the soft glow turning my skin gold. “The cravings, damn you.”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“The cravings!” My anguished cry bounced off the walls. “The constant longing to take magic that Jezebels have. How do you not know this?” My hand closed around the papyrus, its rough edges scraping against my skin. One taste.
I brought forth a silky red ribbon of magic and sent it into the scroll. A zen-like high infused my soul as I fell through that cosmic dust, bathing in it. It sang to me in a chorus of celestial voices, cradling me tenderly as I drank.
The library fell away and I was back in the grove where Rafael had tested my magic, pink almond blossoms falling gently on my skin. I reached out to touch one, laughing in wonder.
But it didn’t last. The magic on the scroll hollowed me out and soon I was in the familiar, black, all-consuming void outside the grove. I wanted to leave, struggled to hold onto any sense of myself but the magic ate me up from the inside. Darkness pressed in, threatening to devour me.
There was no way out. I was overwhelmed and beaten and the only thing I could do was surrender.
Into that nothingness came a trickle tasting of the freshest river stream. The trickle became a flood, rich and clear and life-affirming.
I came to on the library floor, straddling Rafael, his magic a smudgy pull from a bleeding gash on his forearm. I’d wound it like taffy around the finger that I sucked into my mouth. Bile rose in my throat and I tried to shut the connection down but Rafael clamped on to my wrist, thrusting his arm closer.
His magic ran down the back of my throat, washing away the taste of sandstorm and easing my cravings. There were no red forked branches, no clusters, simply a slowing of his magic back down and then a quiet pop of release as I instinctively unhooked from the scroll’s magic, unharmed and sated.
I should have been consumed with horror but my body hummed, the siren song quiet, and the sandstorm already a hazy memory. My ankle didn’t even hurt any longer.
Under me, Rafael’s pupils were dilated, his cheeks flushed, and a very prominent erection pressed against my thigh.
“Um.” I scrambled off him.
“Quite,” he said, sitting up and hugging his knees to his chest.
A long silence ticked out between us. I thought I knew the meaning of the word “awkward.” Nope. All those other times had merely been practice for this World Series of embarrassment.
“Had I known we were going in this direction, I’d have bought you dinner.” I bit my lip. Rafael didn’t respond and just continued to look pained. I racked my brain for something to say to diffuse the situation, something, anything. “Is it gone?”
Rafael glanced down at his lap and blushed further. He cleared his throat. “This wasn’t about you.”
I frowned. Really? Because right now I was finding that a little hard to believe, what with his flagpole dick straining against his trousers. “Well… good?”
“I mean, you’re an attractive enough person, but that connection…” His fingers flexed, his eyes gleaming fervently.
My heart sank. In quieting my siren song, Rafael had gained one of his own. He’d just been trying to help me and now his chest was panting and he looked so desperate to get another taste.
“You’re not thinking clearly. Your magic. I took it.” My heart hammered in my chest.
