I stood in the back yard, looking at nothing in particular. My parents didn't understand. Yeah, I know, that's what everybody says about their parents, but in this case it's true. My friends and I had just graduated from high school (a minor miracle for some of them), and this would be our last summer together before we went away to college to begin our new lives.
Can you blame us for wanting to celebrate a little? My friends and I were going to drive out to the lake, have a cook out, goof off a little, and go for a swim.
At least, that's what we told our parents. We didn't mention that there would be a keg there. And girls. And that nobody would be wearing a suit when they were swimming. It was going to be a real party. The kind of party where a guy like me could finally lose his virginity.
You heard right. This red blooded American boy managed to get all the way through high school without getting laid even once. It wasn't my fault, though. I mean, I'm no movie star, but I'm a pretty good looking guy. I'm in good shape too, maybe even a little buff. And I'm definitely not one of those guys who gets all shy and tongue-tied around girls, so there is no reason why I shouldn't have been able to hook up with one of them. I've just had a little bad luck, that's all.
First there was Caitlin Cassady. I met her in my sophomore year, and she was my first real girlfriend. We shared our first kiss, held hands, and did all the usual cutesy boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. After a few months, things had gotten really serious and we were talking about taking things to the next level. But then her father took things to the next level with his secretary, and her mother left him and moved out of state, taking Caitlin with her. Caitlin and I tried to stay in touch online, but after a while it fizzled out and Caitlin found another boyfriend. So much for long distance relationships.
Then there was Valerie Walker. She was a busty cheerleader with fiery red hair that I met at a friend's house party. We were both a little drunk and horny as hell. Things were getting pretty hot and heavy, when Valerie decide she was tired of groping and tongue kissing and wanted some real action. We went into the basement for a little privacy, as much privacy as you can get at a party like this anyway, and Valerie got on her knees in front of me and began fumbling with my zipper.
“Wanna see my best trick?” she slurred.
“Yeah!” I slurred back enthusiastically.
I had heard enough locker room talk to know what Valerie's “best trick” was. I was finally going to lose my virginity, and to the hottest cheerleader in high school too! This was going to be awesome!
Just then the three beers, two jungle juices, and four tequila shots that Valerie had drunk, decided they were tired of living in her stomach and would be happier being deposited forcefully on the front of my jeans. After half an hour of unsuccessfully trying to clean off my pants, I left the bathroom to find Valerie asleep on the basement sofa. It was just as well. I wasn't in the mood anymore anyway.
Finally, there was the aforementioned camp out. Skinny dipping with drunk naked girls? How could I not score? But now Mr. Beecher needs his porch painted. More bad luck.
But wait! There might be a way around this! I could do a rush job. Just do basic sanding, slap the primer down quickly, maybe even get away with just one coat of paint. I could be done in a couple of days. The Beecher's probably wouldn't notice, and I could still make the camp out! It could work...
“And don't do a rush job!” my mother called through the kitchen window. “Take your time and do it right. You know how important this is.”
“I will,” I sighed.
“Dinner is almost ready,” she said. “Come inside and help me set the table. Your father will be home any minute.”
I headed inside. I had had enough bad luck for one day. Maybe tomorrow would be better.
***
My heart sank as I pulled into the Beecher's driveway. Their house was big. Playboy mansion big. It looked like something out of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous”. Hell, the garage was larger than my house! And a covered porch ran around the whole damn thing.
There was no way. It's impossible. I couldn't paint this porch in a week. I would be lucky if I got it done in a month! There was no camp out, beer, or skinny dipping girls in my future.
But then my optimism kicked in. That same irrational optimism that made me think I had a chance with Caitlin Cassady, Valerie Walker, and the girls at the lake. I could do this! It was only Monday. The camp out wasn't until the weekend. That gave me five days. If I worked my ass off, I could probably get the whole porch prepped and sanded today. I could lay down the primer coat tomorrow. It was early summer, but it was already hot as hell, so it would dry fast. Then I could start painting. How many coats would it take? Two? Better make it three, just to be safe. I could lay the first coat down on Wednesday, let it dry, do the second on Thursday, the third on Friday, and then get over here early on Saturday to do any final touch ups the Beecher's wanted done. Then I could
