She lifted her hand to his face and stroked his cheekbone with her thumb. ‘That’s you too, Theo... You help people. You buy homes for families who have nowhere to go; you rescue drowning cats... And, when the person you’d looked up to more than anyone else in the world needed fixing, you got stuck in. You didn’t shirk or give it to someone else to do. You did it yourself. You never gave up trying, and if that isn’t shaping fate then I don’t know what is.’
She took his hands in hers, gripping them as tightly as she could. ‘And, if you feel angry all the time, is it any wonder? You did the right thing by Bram and Eline punished you for it.’ Such a mess, such a trail of devastation. She took a breath. ‘Would it help to know that Eline is sorry...that she bitterly regrets hurting you?’ Rain in his eyes again, tightness in his jaw, but behind the clouds a glimmer of light. ‘You’ve had a lot to feel angry about in your life, Theo, but maybe you can start to let it go now.’ She leaned in, kissed him softly. ‘It’s time to cut yourself some slack.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
THE LUMBERING CLANK of the Texel ferry moving away from the dock stirred an unexpected sadness inside her... Memories of that first summer on the island after her parents had died. That feeling of displacement because everything that had been important in her world had been swept away. That first summer hadn’t felt like a holiday because there’d been no home to go back to. Home had been irreparably fractured and, maybe because of that, a feeling of home was all she’d ever wanted.
A shiver fingered the base of her spine. She’d blamed Hal for cheating and lying, but had she been any less dishonest? Hal’s gambling had put him on a ruinous path, but he’d never lied about loving her. He had loved her, but had she really loved him?
She watched the sunshine glinting on the water, tugged her cardigan tighter against the breeze. If she’d really loved Hal, she’d have paid more attention. She’d have seen the fear behind his eyes, noticed the brittle edge on his voice, the way he’d laughed a little too loudly. If she’d really loved him, she’d have seen through the veneer, noticed the sorry state he was in and she’d have helped him. She bit her lip, felt a humbling wash of guilt. Her own need for hearth and home had given her tunnel vision. She’d only seen the Hal she’d wanted to see and that wasn’t love.
‘Nobody sees anyone as he is. They see a whole—they see all sorts of things—they see themselves.’
Virginia Woolf had been right. Personal experience was the lens that refracted everything: the way people saw each other, the way they saw themselves. Talking honestly was the only way to colour in the picture...asking the right questions and really listening to the answers.
She leaned against the rail and lifted her eyes to the horizon. She and Theo had made a start and already everything felt better. Knowing what had happened between him and Eline—and, more importantly, why it had happened—had opened a door to a deeper, closer intimacy between them.
Theo! Just the thought of him made her heart swell with love, made her lips curve upward involuntarily... The green room had been full of moonlight and shadows by the time they’d got to their feet, and when he’d pulled her close and kissed her she’d felt the warm glow of his love spreading through her, all the way to her bones. He’d swept her into his arms, carried her upstairs and, as they’d lost themselves in each other, she’d realised with a shock that home wasn’t a place. Home was the feeling you got with the person you truly loved, and it didn’t matter whether you were in a vast empty bedroom or on the deck of the Texel ferry.
She heard a footstep and felt his arms sliding around her, the soft rub of his stubble against her ear. ‘Hey! Sorry I was so long; there was a breakdown on the car deck—ensuing chaos!’ He cuddled her in. ‘Are you cold? You can have my jacket, if you want...’
His body felt warm against her back. ‘I’m fine, thanks.’ She nestled in, tugging the open halves of his jacket around herself. ‘See—we can share!’
‘Hmm... I like sharing with you.’ His hips pinned her to the rail. ‘You’re giving me the feels, baby.’
‘The feels?’ She giggled. ‘You’re so down with the kids.’
His lips brushed her cheek. ‘Well, now that I’m letting go of my anger, something has to take its place. I’m going to familiarise myself with millennial-speak. Maybe I’ll design an app...’
She wriggled round to face him. ‘You are so...’ There was only one word for how he looked. ‘Happy!’
He smiled. ‘I have a number of reasons for that...all of them called Mia.’
Green eyes, making her blush. She pushed her hair away from her face. ‘Not all of them are called Mia. At least one of them is called Bram.’
Bram—the brother she’d known so little about just twelve hours ago and now they were on their way to meet him. Theo had planned the Texel trip before he’d intercepted her at Eline’s apartment building, hoping, he said, to show her that he was deadly serious about letting her in, trusting her with his deepest, darkest secret.
His forehead touched hers. ‘You’re right. I’m beginning to believe that he’s going to make it this time.’
She took his face in her
