Her two pairs of boots, her brush, and comb. As for the bonnets, she laughed as she found the bonnet Adam had so hated. She would definitely be taking it with her. She had always been very careful to keep her face covered from the sun, for her freckles were liable to show the moment a sun’s ray hit her face. And yet Adam seemed to enjoy her freckles, so did it really matter? She packed a couple more anyway then surveyed her room. Yes, there were beautiful things here. Things she would miss if she would not return. She felt a slight panic rise in her stomach as she thought what she would do if Adam were to not return her sentiments. Would her father take her back? Would she have to marry Vincent? Or could she forge her own path?
She swallowed the fear and resolved that for once in her life, she would put herself first and take the chance to find happiness.
Rachel found the first train out of London to Perth that morning. Her palms were sweating as she purchased her ticket with a few of the funds she could call her own. Was she really doing this? Was she really going to the Highlands with the chance that she could end up completely and utterly alone?
Yes, she told herself, beating back the doubt that crept in. While perhaps not entirely logical, at the same time this was the only step that made sense. If she didn’t go to him, didn’t try to explain what had happened, then she would always be left with the question of “what if” — what if her life could be altogether different? What if she could have had the love she had always longed for?
She lugged her bag toward the train, smiling graciously when one of the porters took it out of her hand and helped her with it, depositing it into the car for her. It was near to bursting after she had packed everything she had thought she might be able to use and also what she couldn’t bear to part with. She realized this could possibly be one of the last times she would ever see London. She knew Adam hated it, and she wasn’t sure if her father would ever forgive her.
That thought gave her pause. She had tried so hard to always be a good daughter, to do as he asked. Reflecting on it, she thought that perhaps he had tried, as much as he could, but it just wasn’t truly in his nature. At the very least, he had not abandoned her like her mother had.
She had left behind a note for him, one in which she tried to explain her feelings. She had told him how she did appreciate him, and she wished the very best for him and his business, but that she could not condone how underhanded his methods had been, and she could no longer do his bidding, particularly when he had been so dishonest. She felt she had to put her happiness first, and that was exactly what she was going to do. She had not actually told him where she was going, although she felt he was certainly intelligent enough to put the pieces together and determine where she was.
She also had not, of course, mentioned what she and Sullivan had done. Her father would determine that for himself in due time, when it was much too late for him to do anything about it.
Rachel leaned back against the seat, closing her eyes as she listened to the sounds of the train around her, of the people boarding and finding their seats and the distant hum and squeal of the other trains leaving and rolling into the station. She opened her eyes to look out the window, at the bustle of people pushing their way through the crowds to find their trains. It was so busy here, everyone moving so fast. It was something, she realized, that she wouldn’t miss.
She began to close her eyes again, as the adrenaline that had sustained her throughout the night was beginning to ebb, to be replaced with a fatigue that was hard to ignore. Then suddenly her eyes alighted on a figure out the window — a familiar figure, with dark, straight hair, stilted movements amongst the crowd of people, and broad shoulders that seemed tight and tense. No, she thought. No, it couldn’t be him. He wouldn’t be here, back in London. She was seeing things.
She blinked, shaking her head to clear it, and then looked out the window again. She found him once more, as he was beginning to walk toward the exit of the station. As much as her mind wanted to deny what she thought she saw, there was no escaping the matter. It was him. He was here.
25
Rachel now bolted upright, the tiredness once again fleeing as her heart started to race. She scrambled out of her seat, rushing down the aisle of the train as passengers stared at her in surprise. She practically stumbled down the steps as she began pushing her way through the people, weaving her way in and around as she kept herself directed toward the last place she had seen him. “Adam!” she called out as she
