Well, prepare to be amazed, guys! The baths we got here will beat anything you’ll see in your capital, trust me. Really more of a hot spring, in fact, and I’ve got everything from a large pool-like room to private open-air baths. Just like a hot-spring-resort town back in Japan, I’ve got all kinds of different types to try out. It makes for killer advertising, and besides, it just feels good when you’re all tired out.
They’d also need some new clothes to change into, wouldn’t they? The simple gear under their armor was battered and torn, a hopeless mess after all the fighting they’d been through. A change of clothes should be good PR, too, I thought. Maybe some of the hemp-based jinbei shirt-and-shorts outfits we’d just developed? We had the more kimono-like yukata for the women, too—in a pretty broad color selection, even.
“Oh, don’t you worry,” Haruna told me with a grin. “Lady Shuna is already underway with preparations.”
I guess I had nothing to worry about. Let’s get going, then.
“All right, everyone. Please, enjoy our baths, the pride of our nation. The water is all pumped in from a natural spring, and I guarantee you’ll find it rejuvenating. Does absolute wonders for your skin, too.”
The salesman side of me was in full swing. Luminus swiftly took the bait.
“Ah, a bath? And good for the skin? Fascinating. I imagine you have saved your finest private bath chamber for me, yes?”
Um, private chamber?
And then I remembered. In the Dwarven Kingdom, as advanced as their tech was, personal steam baths were the common custom. They didn’t have bathhouses meant for use by great numbers of people at once. Englesia had public facilities like that, but Blumund didn’t. If the common people wanted to keep clean, after all, there were household magic spells for that, no water required. Every town had people who’d cast them on you for a nominal fee.
What all this meant was that, in this world, there’s no common, unified custom of drawing a bath and just soaking in it for a while. A private bath was a grand luxury, something that would only be possessed by the upper class—and even then only in nations with a large population of otherworlders. I kept forgetting that, given how my home nation installed baths even in one-bedroom apartments.
Luminus must’ve been anticipating some nobleman’s grandiose gilded chamber of delights, but I was gonna have to disappoint her. There was no telling how angry she’d be if I just guided her to our regular baths without explanation. I decided to address her misconceptions before anything else.
“No, um, we have baths that everyone can go in. Separated by gender, of course, but there’s also a mixed bath if that’s more of what you’re into…?”
I thought that would’ve been enough. But others reacted before her.
“…?!”
“What was that?!”
“Ah-haaa…”
Arnaud and the other male paladins had stars in their eyes. Heh-heh. Must’ve piqued their curiosity.
“Well, if you’re interested, right over there we have—”
I stopped midway. Hinata’s frigid stare was pointed right at me. She wasn’t falling for it.
“Lady Luminus, let’s go to a women’s bath. This will be my first hot spring visit in a while, so this is a very exciting opportunity.”
“Oh? Well, if you say so, Hinata, I will not stop you.”
I expected as much. But ah well. And here I was hoping I could join Hinata and Luminus for a… Wait, hang on. I shouldn’t give up yet, maybe. Arnaud and his cohorts looked profoundly disappointed, but it was a fool’s errand to expect the women to join the men in there. But what if it was just me?
“All right,” I said, giving the paladins a suitably sheepish look, “let me guide you to the women’s bath.”
I tried to walk away as casually as possible. But it wasn’t going to be that easy.
“Wait one moment. Why are you trying to take us there?”
“Why? You’re gonna need a guide, Hinata.”
No need to panic yet. Just keep calm. Make it seem natural.
“You don’t know the way there, do you? We have baths with different compositions of minerals and stuff. There’s even a sauna. I just thought it’d be prudent to explain how it all worked.”
I had once guided two of the Three Lycanthropeers through it all, I explained to them, after they’d expressed an interest. They loved it, so that was now the custom I took.
“So yeah, I thought I could give you a better picture of how great all this stuff is, you know?”
“Let me handle that, Sir Rimuru!”
I really didn’t need Shion’s support right now, thanks. Gotta take a firm stand.
“Oh, I dunno if I can rely on you alone, Shion.”
“What?!”
“But hey, come on! No need to be a stick in the mud. I’ll even join you in there.”
I tried to sound as chill as possible. Now my going around the women’s bath wouldn’t seem odd at all. Hee-hee-hee… Perfect. The perfect plan. Now I could join her in the—
“No, wait. You used to be a man, didn’t you? Why are you acting like it’s completely normal for you to join us in there?”
Erk.
She saw through it?!
I shouldn’t be able to sweat, but I swore I could still feel a cold sensation running down my back. Luminus joined Hinata’s skepticism, giving me a “Hmm?” and a focused look.
“Well, no, I mean…”
I was starting to panic, but before I could formulate a coherent thought:
“What is the matter with it? Sir Rimuru is Sir Rimuru!”
Shion, the one person I thought I couldn’t count on here, swooped in to back me up. That’s right! Keep it going! I tried to mentally encourage her, but—in the end—Shion was Shion, too.
“But you can guide us around, too, right?”
“Of course!”
“In that case, I’d like to ask
