Toby is such a clever little boy. He wants to get Maddie back into the house. But she is not quite present anymore. She clutches the doll to her chest and silent tears are running down her little plump cheeks. I know her story, have seen it many times before when she had a flashback. I know most stories of the other parts. She remembers.
I wish I could reach out to her. But I can’t reach through time and join her flashback. A thin veil of the past shades her eyes and Maddie is no longer here but there. Her mind has traveled twenty-odd-years into the past and ended up in her bed in the room on top of the stairs in Auntie’s house.
There she is, lying in the big bed, tightly holding the edges of the quilt covering her. Heavy footsteps come closer and echo like thunder in Maddie’s head. Her blood hammers louder in her ears with each thumping step. When the door opens, she pulls up the quilt, overtaken with fear.
A dark shadow comes towards the bed and her heart gallops at the speed of wild horses racing over endless terrain. Then, inky black night mercifully wraps her into the arms of unconsciousness. I never have discovered who takes over the body after Maddie faints. Every time there is a flash of evil hostility that bothers me. It’s always part of Maddie’s flashback. Is it the energy her father brings with him? I’ve tried many times to find out but always hit an impenetrable wall.
At the moment I try to contain Maddie’s flashback as well as possible. It’s excruciating sharing her vision and being unable to help her or stop the memories. Her eyelids blink and she moans. It’s dark outside and Maddie is hiding between the large sink and the workbench in the laundry. Loud, harsh voices drift over from the adults in the living room. They frighten her. Her lips tremble and her little body shakes. Droplets of blood are splattered down her leg. She’s hurting, and every movement is painful. Maddie lets out a sob followed by a moan and another sob.
“You better leave, I will have none of these despicable things happen in my house.” Her aunt is bellowing at the top of her lungs.
Don’t talk back, Maddie wants to shout to her, or it gets worse.
“I will not leave without my daughter. You have no right…”
She can’t hear the rest. She clutches Madeleine close to her chest and slips through the backdoor into the pitch-black garden. The thorny branches of the rose bushes scratch her legs and snag her nightgown. She doesn’t mind. She has to get away and hide where bad people can’t find her.
From behind a thin layer of clouds, the pale moon casts moving patterns of light that stretch out to her like gnarly fingers belonging to a giant, dangerous beast. But the night doesn’t scare her. Nothing is as frightening as what happens in her upstairs bedroom. Even though she is little, she understands monsters don’t live in gardens. They live in houses without laughter and love, behind a high fence and rows of tall trees.
Maddie runs to the tree in the back garden. She clings to the thick tree trunk and doesn’t take her eyes off the backdoor. Not for a second. She doesn’t move, not even when the cold of the night creeps through the thin nightgown and numbs her hands. She presses as close as possible against the rough bark of the tree. She doesn’t mind the scratches and pieces of bark that draw blood.
“Come,” the tree whispers into her ear. “You’re safe with me. Come.”
She stares at a crack in the bark that glows warm and golden and watches it growing larger and larger. Maddie presses herself into the crack, harder and harder until she disappears.
Safe at last.
It was at that moment our tree house came into existence. Maddie, in her extraordinary creative mind, gave us the tree house, the safe place for us to rest and recuperate. Since then we have always had a safe place.
Someone pulls my hand. I’d forgotten Toby.
“Are you angry with me, Sky?”
“Never, sweetie. You were there when she needed you.”
“I don’t think she knew I was. She jumped into the past before I could stop her.”
“Sometimes it’s enough just to have someone there.” The last thing I want is for Toby to feel responsible. Maddie’s flashbacks are hard enough for the Tribe to cope with. They vibrate through our system like an earthquake, shaking everyone up.
“Next time I’ll try holding her hands. Maybe I squeeze them. Will she know that I’m with her when I do that?” He looks down at the small frame of Maddie, curled up on the ground, her arms around the tree.
“That’s a wonderful idea. You are such a good friend. Don’t worry anymore; she’ll be fine. Ama will carry her up the tree house and tuck her in.”
I was right. Ama drags her massive body down the narrow stairs. She knows the routine; these flashbacks are a familiar feature in our life. Other parts have flashbacks too, but Maddie’s are the ones that impact the most on the Tribe. I watch Ama as she picks Maddie up and folds her into her soft, big arms.
“Sweetie, come to Ama. I’ll make you a cup of hot chocolate and then it’s time for a rest.”
Maddie loves Ama. It isn’t difficult to spot. She snuggles against Ama’s big bosom and buries her face in the many folds of soft, fleshy bits. With Ama, there are no sharp bony bits sticking out and hurting her, as the bad man has. Everything is soft and warm, and she can let herself fall.
“I hurt, Ama.” Silent tears are rolling down Maddie’s face.
“I know, sweetheart. I know.” Ama is breathing hard as she carries Maddie up the stairs into the common room.
“Why does he hurt me?”
“The bad man?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know darling. Maybe because he’s a bad person.” Just
