In the past, she sometimes had to go to ground and recharge her batteries. For that, she took refuge in her room way up at the top of our tree house. But not this time. This is different. All the rooms in the house are empty.
Sometimes I hear whimpering in the distance from a little one. No words, just sounds of despair and fear. But they are so far away they might as well be coming from a different planet.
Elise has vanished too. At least I assume so because I looked everywhere for her. She never was good at tolerating stress and strong emotions, but she improved over the last year. We have Lilly to thank for that. We all expected she and Elise would become one. It looked like it for a long time. But now? It’s hard to say what will happen.
The emptiness and silence of the tree house gnaw away at my resolve to stay calm. My mind is numb, refusing to accept that I’m alone. How is that…? It’s impossible. They must be here somewhere. I have to search harder and shout louder. We can’t go back to the time when we lived in perpetual darkness. That was before Maddie found the tree house for us.
Maddie.
“Sweetie, where are you. Come to Ama.”
Nothing but silence. It is hard to bear. My voice sounds desperate…needy, almost. I hate appearing needy. That’s not me. I’m the one people turn to when the going gets tough. I’m the strong one, the rock in the untamed surf of life. My thoughts fall into an abyss of silence.
Clattering sounds coming from my pantry bring my focus back to the outside world. I all but forgot that Tom is alone in the house. Duty calls. I have to look after our guest. There is no time for feeling sorry for myself, no time for self-pity. I have to trust the Tribe will return once they have gotten over the initial shock. Scott would have wanted me to look after his friend. That’s the least I can do after all the help Tom gave us.
It’s an effort to slip into the body. It feels uncomfortable like trying on a dress that’s two sizes too small and made of itchy material. The shock of finding Scott’s cabin burning, the pain and grief are still lingering in its cells. It’s the residue and a reminder of Lilly’s agony. I gasp for air but I can’t shake it off.
Today’s events have depleted the body’s energy. It’s a heavy chore to make my way down the stairs. Lightheaded I hold on to the balustrade and conquer the stairs one at a time.
“Shouldn’t you stay in bed? I can look after myself.” Tom’s voice sounds croaky and hoarse, betraying the agony he’s trying to keep in. I look up to meet his gaze and gasp at the sea of pain sitting in the back of his eyes. I put my hand on his arm.
“Of course, you can. But it’s better not to be alone. That goes not only for you but for me as well.”
A strained smile flashes over his face as he balances a plate with bread and a chunk of cheese with right his hand. He looks somber and perhaps a little embarrassed that I found him rummaging in my pantry. He doesn’t seem to be dealing well with the death of his friend. He has tipped his bag out on the sofa and clothing items are strewn everywhere as if he were frustrated and looking for something.
“It’s as if I’m in a bad dream and any minute now Scott comes barging through the door.”
I sigh and rub my sternum. “The same thoughts crossed my mind.”
He nods. “How about your burned hands? Let me see.”
I forgot all about the hands. At least the pain in my body makes sense now. I turn my bandaged hands to him.
“Nothing to see. They’ll heal. It’s not a big deal—thanks for holding me back, I guess. Bread and cheese?” I’m pointing with my chin to his plate. “I’m sure we can do better.”
“Don’t worry, it’s enough.” He looks somber and perhaps a little embarrassed that I found him rummaging in my pantry. “Scott is dead and I’m thinking of food. I shouldn’t.”
“Of course you have to eat. It doesn’t bring Scott back if you don’t eat. It’s me, Ama. Lilly needs to rest. I hope she recovers and comes back soon. Everyone is in shock. Our inside feels dead and empty as if someone dropped a bomb.”
“But you are not in shock, it seems?”
“No, not as much as the others. My job has always been to hold the fort and make sure everyone else is okay.” I wipe my hands in the white apron. “When was the last time you ate?”
He looks distraught as if my question requires a complicated answer.
“I’ve had a cheese muffin this morning.”
“Oh my, you must be starving. There is no way that I’m leaving you with bread and cheese. Hop upstairs and make yourself at home in Scott’s room.” I make a sweeping motion to his bag and his clothes. “Then come down and freshen up. I’ll prepare something to eat in the meantime.”
He shoots upstairs like someone glad to get away. He stops halfway.
“Don’t go to any trouble. I don’t think I can eat much.”
“I have vegetable soup and can fry a steak. Is that okay? We both need to keep up our strength.”
“Sure. Give me ten minutes.”
He disappears into Scott’s room and closes the door behind him, leaving me with a hollow pain in my tummy. Nothing feels right.
I turn to the cooking range and get the pot of soup from the pantry. It’s better to distract myself with cooking than to brood. The last thing I need is to fall into a dark pit myself.
Chapter Seven
Lilly: 4 March 2017, Before Sunrise, Wright’s Homestead
I’m flying. I didn’t know I could. This comes
