The charge nurse comes out of Scott’s room and leaves the door open for me. She drops me a tired smile. Can she tell I’m all over the place?
“Thank you for calling me. How is he?”
“Not awake yet, but he’s doing well. We’ll keep a close eye on him today.”
Too excited to sit on the recliner chair next to his bed, I stand unable to keep my eyes off him. He looks much better than the previous days, his skin is no longer pasty and…am I imagining things? He breathes deeper now. I sit down, take his limp hand into mine, and listen to the ebb and flow of his breath, settling into watching over him.
Scott’s room is like a bubble of tranquility, closing us off from the busy world around us. We have nothing to do and nowhere to be other than letting time and nature do their healing. Streaks of sunlight are sneaking in through half-closed shutters leaving a streaky pattern on the wall behind him and bathing the room in subdued lighting. The only sounds are the click-clack from nurses hastening along the hallway in their clogs and the beeping of instruments measuring his vital signs.
I long to hold his face in my hands and gaze into his kind eyes. Anything that brings me closer to him, but that has to wait. Now and then the fingers of his left hand twitch. Deep in my heart I know he will live, he has to. When I met Scott I found happiness, love, and trust at the darkest time in my life and in the farthest places of the West Coast wilderness.
Time crawls and hours pass as my mind drifts. These last six days had been pure torture, but they also taught me I don’t want to live without him. If he had died in the fire…There is no telling if I…we…It doesn’t bear thinking about it. I swallow hard not to cry as the words went round and round in my head.
A little over a year ago I arrived on the West Coast alone and with no illusions about my future. I would survive. That was the best outcome I could hope for. But surviving is not enough. Scott taught me I have a right to thrive. Now my life is nothing like it was before I left Auckland.
I’m no longer the frightened and confused woman who lost significant periods every day and couldn’t make sense out of her life. With lots of hard work and Scott’s help so much has changed. I’m at peace with myself. We have a future to look forward to. My eyes are misting over. I came too close to losing him.
Come back to me. I blink away the mist that blurs my vision. From now on keeping each other safe will be our number one priority. If that means I must sell Wright’s Homestead, so be it.
“Don’t expect too much. Who knows whether he’ll be the Scott we know? He could have forgotten us or changed or had enough of being around us. We are bad luck.”
I don’t recognize the anxious voice. It’s one of the young ones, no doubt. But for once I’m not listening to frightened parts.
Today is a good day … a fantastic day. All will be well. We need good news as much as we need air to breathe. Lots of good news to counter the lies abuse taught us. Abuse makes you believe you are not okay, you don’t deserve a good life, nobody will ever like you, you can trust nobody. It takes thousands of good experiences to erase the scars caused by abuse.
Uncomfortable anger wells up inside me I don’t know what to do with. I want to lash out at a world that doesn’t protect children, a world that sanctions unspeakable acts of cruelty for the sake of power, money, and lust. I give up, feeling powerless and giving myself a mental beating for being a wimp.
“You are not a wimp. You expect too much of yourself, of us. It takes time to change the thinking of men and women. It’s not a one-woman-show, and it’s not done in a handful of decades.”
As so often, Sky intervenes and puts things into perspective when we are not on our side. Feeling a little less hopeless I close my eyes.
I’m just about dozing off when I notice something. I sit up. Did Scott just squeeze my hand? Was it a reflex or is he coming to? I gasp as the air in the room seems hot and sticky. Mesmerized I stare at his hand but nothing happens.
Then. There.
Another squeeze of his hand. I’m squeezing back and hold his hand against my lips for a soft kiss.
“Scott? It’s me, Elise.”
Nothing. I shake my head. I’m so gullible. It is only a dream. I taste blood and notice I’ve bitten my lip. Disappointed I catch my breath and leave the chair, pacing the room from the bed to the window. Out there life goes on as if nothing special happened, and yet in here a man fights for his life and struggles to regain consciousness. I let out a sigh and turn around.
A pair of dark, brown eyes are staring at me.
“You are awake. Thank God.” I rush to his side and take his hand into mine. It’s no longer clear whether I’m me or Lilly. Tears fill my eyes and my mind is light-headed as if it’s filled with champagne bubbles dancing to the surface.
He came back.
Scottie is back. Lilly is over the moon and pushes me aside. I wouldn’t stop her, even if I could. She tries to cover him like a blanket and never let
