But my own frustration surfaced. He had promised to be patient. How could he expect me to welcome his attention when I hadn’t yet had time to examine my own feelings?
“Is there something specific that has given you cause for concern?” he asked, breaking through my thoughts.
“No, not exactly. He hasn’t mentioned anything beyond teasing. It’s only that he hasn’t sounded like himself in his last few letters.”
Robert frowned. “Shall I reach out to the headmaster at Harrow?”
I considered for a moment before nodding. “Yes, I would like that. I think Harry misses me. He said as much in his last letter. I wish your mother would listen to me and allow him to stay at home and study with a tutor.”
“Mother is very set in her ways.” He shrugged. “She thinks Harrow is the best choice for him.”
“But she doesn’t know him as I do.” Or love him the way I do. “Besides, my birthday is less than two months away. Once I turn twenty-one and his guardianship passes to me, I shall have the freedom to make those decisions and will ensure his schooling is done at home anyway; it makes sense to begin now.”
Robert rubbed the back of his neck, a sure sign of discomfort. “We have discussed this before, Juliet. You must tread carefully. I know you and Mother don’t always see eye-to-eye, but you are still reliant on her good will. And we are your only family. That won’t change once you come of age.”
I inhaled sharply, miffed. The way he worded it almost sounded like a threat. “That may be, but I refuse to stay under your mother’s thumb forever. Why do you always take her side?” The ache for freedom welled up inside me.
“It is not a matter of sides to be taken. I know Mother can be forceful, but she means well. If you were a little more pliant, I do not think she would come across so harshly.”
“But—”
“Wait a moment and let me finish.” He turned all of his attention on me. “Juliet, if you but say the words, your situation could be altered. You would be my wife, no longer a destitute relative dependent on your mother’s sister.” He held his hands out in front of him, almost like an invitation. “And we could make a decision about Harry together.”
For a moment I was tempted by the offer of having Robert on my side, an ally against his mother . . . someone to share my concerns and cares about Harry with.
But just as quickly I began to feel confined, as if my future was closing in on me. This conversation had gone all wrong. I knew no other way to right it than to be direct. “Robert, you promised to give me space. Some time to think.”
He bowed his head. “I know, and I am sorry. But I could make you so happy, Juliet, if only you would let me.”
Before responding, I let his words seep into me, considering them carefully. Could Robert make me happy? I imagined our future, him as the vicar of Lymington Park’s small parish and me as his wife. I wasn’t sure I had ever truly been happy at Lymington Park. Would that change if I agreed to marry Robert? The question brought no clarity, only confusion. A dull throbbing began in my temples. I lowered my eyes. “Time. I need time.”
His mouth tightened, and he gave me a fierce look. Finally, he nodded, bringing his hands down in his lap. “Very well.” He changed the subject, apparently trying for goodwill between us. “How did you pass this afternoon?”
I kept my gaze trained on my lap. “I took a tour of the chapel.” I was purposefully vague, hoping he wouldn’t ask for more details.
“Oh? With whom?” He picked up his teacup and took another sip.
“The duke.” The words were barely more than a whisper.
“What?” Robert very nearly sprayed his mouthful of tea across the room. “Please, explain how that came about.”
“I . . . passed him in the corridor yesterday, and he offered.”
Robert’s gaze was trained on me with a startling ferocity. Could he possibly be jealous? It was still difficult for me to adjust to this new Robert—I had seen sides to him these last few weeks I hadn’t known existed.
“The chapel was lovely, of course,” I said, trying to sound unaffected. “Lots of history, beautiful statues.” Unbidden, a smile pushed its way free. “Wait until you see the ceiling.”
Robert pursed his lips. He set his tea aside. “The ceiling? What is so marvelous about the ceiling?”
“Wait and see. I will show you on Sunday,” I promised, unable to stop myself from wondering whether the duke would be at services.
“And the duke?” he asked. His hands clenched together, white at the knuckles. “Was there a particular reason he invited you to tour the chapel?”
“I really haven’t the faintest idea.” I coughed in an attempt to hide the break in my voice. “I have shown a great deal of interest in the castle and grounds. Perhaps his grandmother forced him into it, since she knew my mother.”
“Yes, perhaps,” he agreed, unconvinced.
A strange stiffness settled between us. The confidences we had always shared now seemed elusive, and our easy conversation slipped away. Was it my fault? Had I allowed his declaration of affection to ruin our friendship? The thought brought me an acute sense of misery.
Hugh and Lady Ellen sat across the room, embroiled in a game of vingt-et-un. Their relationship seemed to be moving forward at a steady pace—so different from Robert’s and mine. We were on a path fraught with difficulty. Perhaps I should ask Hugh for advice. He knew Robert better than anyone, and I could at least count on him to be honest with me, whether or not I liked his opinion. Heaven knew I needed someone to help me sort myself out.
Chapter Nine
On Sunday morning gloomy gray clouds hung in the sky, seemingly close enough to touch. I skipped breakfast, feeling out of
