Lady Margaret smiled under Lord Aberdeen’s attention. “You’ll excuse me, won’t you?” she asked me. “I do not wish to keep the duchess waiting.”
“Of course,” I said, my voice thin.
Lord Aberdeen turned to me. “Might I escort you in? The first guests are just arriving.”
I forced my attention toward him, determined not to envy Lady Margaret the approval she was so freely granted. A few dances, supper, and then Hugh and Ellen’s announcement. I could make it that long.
“Might I claim your first set?” Lord Aberdeen asked. “That is, if it hasn’t already been spoken for?”
“It has not, as a matter of fact. And I would be pleased to dance with you.” Anything to distract me from thoughts of Halstead.
Lord Aberdeen led me over to a small group and introduced me, but I retained none of their names. More and more guests filtered in, and the ballroom grew bright with an array of different-colored gowns. Lord Aberdeen was pulled into a conversation, but I hung back. A few minutes later Robert appeared at my side. He looked over every inch of me, his mouth hanging open a bit. “I have never seen you in a gown like that,” he whispered.
My smile was fragile. No matter how things stood between Halstead and me, I owed Robert the truth. And he was not going to make it easy. “Thank you; it belongs to Lady Ellen.”
“I’ll be sure to thank her,” he jested. “The first dance will be starting any minute. May I have your first set?”
I gave him an apologetic shrug, forcing my gaze away from the receiving line. Better not to look for Halstead. Better for my heart. “It has already been spoken for by Lord Aberdeen.”
Robert frowned. “I cannot believe I did not think to claim it yesterday. The second, then.”
“Very well.” Guilt weighed on me as we spoke, now that I knew for certain what my answer would be.
“Can I get you a drink in the meantime?”
The room’s temperature had risen steadily with the arrival of more guests, and the thought of something to wet my tongue was refreshing. “Yes, please.”
While he went off in search of a drink, the music started and Lord Aberdeen appeared. I’d danced at a few private balls, at much smaller gatherings than this, and never in a room so fine. But for a few moments, despite my heavy heart, dancing felt almost magical. Until Lord Aberdeen stepped on my left foot during our second dance. I tried not to limp, but my steps were not as smooth after that, and I wondered if I might find a seat near the wall.
As the second song drew to a close, I curtsied to Lord Aberdeen. Robert appeared at my side, offering me a drink. I took it gratefully, taking care not to slurp it down. “Shall we?” Robert asked after I’d taken a few sips.
He gave our glasses to a passing footman and took my hand in his with a slight pressure against my palm, as if to claim me. “Careful,” I warned. “My hand still isn’t fully healed.”
Robert loosened his grip at once. “Forgive me for being so thoughtless.” His green eyes met mine, and tonight they possessed a certain anxiousness. Or perhaps it was just my own anxiety causing me to imagine it.
We joined the line for the next dance, and Robert made such an excellent partner that a part of me almost wanted to reconsider my decision. He knew every step, and I knew for certain he would never step on my toes. We both stepped forward and back as the dance required, and though his movements weren’t fluid, Robert made every step at precisely the right time. Guilt hung over me every moment we were together, begging me to reconsider. Perhaps he was not the most elegant dancer, and perhaps my heart didn’t leap with every touch of our hands, but I could be happy with the ever-steady Robert, couldn’t I?
No.
And lying to him and lying to myself . . . it wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
A new dance began, and I mindlessly followed the others into formation. As we drew close, Robert whispered into my ear, “Juliet, I must tell you. My offer for a commission has been accepted, and I am to join the army as a captain in January. Have you been thinking on what we discussed?”
I pulled back, startled by the news, which made my decision easier. I would not be like my mother, left behind by a husband who came home only on occasion. I drew a fortifying breath as we stepped back from one another while another couple came forward. We sashayed down the line before the opportunity to speak again presented itself.
“I have given a good deal of thought . . . to what you asked.” But something in me cringed at the thought of telling him here, now. Perhaps I was a coward, but I couldn’t do it. “But perhaps we could talk later. When we aren’t in a crowded ballroom?”
Robert bowed as the dance came to a close. “I am willing to wait as long as you need, but I cannot pretend, on nights like these, I don’t feel a good deal of impatience. I hold you in the highest esteem, Juliet, and I await your answer with anticipation.”
I grew breathless, but not from his declaration. There, cutting across the ballroom, directly toward me, came Halstead. The crowd parted as he made his appearance, and even Robert took a step back.
Halstead stopped a few feet away from me, and everyone stared. I thought I’d grown used to his handsome face, but seeing him dressed so tonight, I struggled to remember how to breathe. He wore a black embroidered jacket, his white cravat perfectly pressed, a silk waistcoat of midnight blue bringing out the olive tones of his skin. His
