“Did it?”
“No.” I laughed. “He tried, and after about ten seconds, I jumped off of the bed, grabbed my clothes and left. His cock would have ripped me apart, and I’m not getting ripped up for anything less than a baby.”
“Oh, Millie.” Olivia laughed. “That’s hilarious. Poor Jakub.”
“Yup. Things were a little awkward after that. But he soon moved on.” I shrugged. “What about you?”
“So, back when I was in high school,” Olivia grinned, “my brother had this friend.”
“Go on.”
“And he used to sleep over all the time.”
“Yeah.”
“And one day I walked in on him in the shower.”
“No way, you got in the shower and fucked him?”
“No,” Olivia rolled her eyes. “Of course not, but I did see his dingdong and he was packing. He must have been a good eight inches and thick.”
“No way!” I nodded impressed. “But you didn’t sleep with him?”
“No.” She wrinkled her nose. “He was the most annoying and cocky guy I ever met in my life. You couldn’t have paid me to sleep with him.”
“Oh, haha. I can’t stand cocky guys.”
“Yeah. The guys I’ve actually been with have been average.” She shrugged. “Nothing crazy. No porno stars in the making.”
“Yeah.” I grinned. “I’d settle for a non porno star in the making right now.”
“We sound like two teenage guys.” Olivia played with her curls. “I do wonder if I’ll ever find love, though. I just feel like everyone around me is finding the one, and all I’m finding are men that want to hook up.”
“Girl, it’s not just you. It’s the same for me. I feel like a loser.” I grabbed my glass of water. “My parents are always like, when are you getting married, Millie, what’s going on? Why can’t you be like your sister Nicole?”
“Oh, why? Is Nicole really smart?”
“No, she’s married to her high school sweetheart and has three kids already.” I shrugged. “And she’s my younger sister.”
“Oh, shit, how old is she?”
“She’s twenty-two.”
“And you’re twenty-six, right?”
“Yup.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m an old maid now.”
“Then I’m an old maid along with you.”
“You’re only a year older than me, right?”
“Yup, I’m inching closer and closer to thirty.” Olivia let out a deep sigh. “My mom thinks I should start looking into freezing my eggs.”
“Oh God, no.” I shook my head. “Parents.”
“Yeah,” Olivia gave me a wry smile. “Do you think we’ll find the one?”
“Oh, yeah.” I nodded enthusiastically. “Any man would be happy to be with either one of us.”
“I’m so glad to have met you, Millie.” Olivia reached forward and grabbed my hand. “I’m so glad we’re friends. When I first moved to San Francisco, I thought I’d never meet anyone cool and down to earth.”
“I know exactly what you mean. It’s so different from Iowa.”
“Yeah, it’s different from Florida as well.” Olivia smiled. “In all the best ways, though. Oh, look—our drinks have arrived.”
“Let us toast to our friendship.” I took my glass and held it up to her.
“And to us finding new men.”
“And to getting laid.”
“By someone who knows what he’s doing.”
“Who has a huge ding-a-long.” I laughed.
“But not as big as your Polish guy’s ding-a-long.” Olivia winked at me.
“Yeah, not as big as Jakub’s.” I paused. “But he can have a six-pack like Jakub.” I licked my lips. “Man, he had such a perfect body.”
“Cheers!”
Olivia and I clinked glasses and sipped from our martini glasses. I sat back and looked around the restaurant. There weren’t many people here yet, but it was still early. Olivia and I had come straight from work to grab an early dinner and drinks. The old guy who had approached us earlier was staring at us, and I turned away as he winked at me.
He was definitely not on my wish list.
“Hey, girls,” said a voice a few seconds later.
I groaned when I saw it was the old man again. “What do you want?” I asked him, annoyed.
“Well, I wouldn’t mind a threesome.” He licked his lips. “I’ve never been with a redhead or a black chick before.”
“Excuse me?” My jaw dropped. “Are you friggin’ kidding me?” I stared at Olivia who just rolled her eyes.
“You heard me. I’ve got a huge ding dong or dick or whatever you want to call it, and I use Viagra, so I can go a lot longer than the young guys you’re most probably used to. So, what do you think, girls?”
“I think we’re going to pass.” Olivia said in a no-nonsense voice. “You’ll have to use the Viagra on someone else.”
“Yeah, today isn’t your lucky day. I’ve never been with a grandpa with saggy balls either and I’m not about to start now.” I raised my glass to a laughing Olivia. “Now leave before we make a complaint about you constantly harassing us.”
“You two are just teases.” He grunted. “Wouldn’t know a good dicking if it hit you in the face.”
He looked at us for a few seconds and then turned around and walked out of the entrance.
“Well, he was just a treat.”
“Wasn’t he just?” Olivia groaned. “Did he actually think he had a chance?”
“No way he thought he could have had a chance with us. We might not have boyfriends but we’re hot. Way too hot for Grandpa McStinky.”
“Oh, my gosh, I thought it was just me. He smelled like he hadn’t showered in a good week.”
“Or two.” I shook my head. “I’d go for an older guy like Sean Connery any day of the week, but him? No way.”
“I’d totally do Brad Pitt or George Clooney.” Olivia nodded. “And they’re both in their fifties.”
“Yeah, I’d do them, too.”
“I’d do Denzel as well.” She laughed. “And The Rock.”
“Who wouldn’t do The Rock? He could throw you around the bedroom like you were a doll.” I laughed. “He could have his wicked way with me any day of the week.”
“We’re so horny.” Olivia shook her head. “We need to get laid already.”
“Yes, we need boyfriends, and we need
