But, that nagging, sinking feeling just wasn’t going anywhere. I told him good night and let myself into the dark apartment. I turned on the light and saw that the apartment was empty. Amelia wasn’t home yet. I hoped that whatever she was doing she was enjoying herself. She deserved to have a good time.
I got ready for bed, hoping that a good night’s sleep would help me to shake whatever this feeling was. I slipped on my night gown and climbed into bed.
What was it that was bothering me? I had to figure it out before I fell asleep. I needed to be up early in the morning to get some work done at the bakery.
That’s when it hit me. That sinking feeling that I felt was guilt over not being as attentive to the bakery as I should have been. I was neglecting my business. Thankfully, my assistant Leah had stepped up and took on working more hours in my absence. She hadn’t complained at all about the extra workload, in fact she had eagerly jumped at the opportunity for more hours, but it was bothering me anyway.
It was just the fact that I had worked so hard to get as far as I had gotten. I really couldn’t afford to take my foot off of the gas or, worse, halt altogether. I shuddered at the thought. It hadn’t dawned on me that I had been spending less and less time at the bakery until I laid there in bed trying to remember the last time that I had been to the bakery. Had it been a week? Or maybe more? I knew that that was unacceptable. I knew that I needed to make some changes. And fast.
The thought that kept playing over and over in my head was that I might have to make the hard choice to go back to being alone. The thought broke my heart and I was enjoying myself with Elliot so much that I really didn’t want to, but I couldn’t think of a better way to get things back on track with my business.
Even though I knew that thought came from a place of responsibility and passion for my business, I also knew that the thought was partially driven by fear. Even though years had passed and I had grown wiser, part of me was deathly afraid of getting into another abusive relationship.
Tears started streaming down my cheeks as the realization washed over me.
I was running and I knew it.
But, I just couldn’t help myself.
Chapter Thirteen Elliot
It had been a few days since our date and I was upset and confused. Everything seemed to have gone fine, and I’d been poring over every moment in my head, trying to pinpoint what might have gone wrong. I dropped Candy off and we shared a kiss so tender that I was sure that she was going to invite me in.
But, she didn’t. Now, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d gotten my signals crossed.
I couldn’t get Candy to answer any of my calls and she ignored my messages. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I knew that I had to see her and talk to her so that I could find out.
I stopped by a flower shop on the way to her house and picked up a dozen roses. I figured if she was mad at me for anything, the roses would help to butter her up. And if she wasn’t mad about anything, it was still a good gesture to give her flowers. She was beautiful and she deserved them, anyway.
I drove over to her apartment, I checked the parking lot and saw that her car was in the drive way. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number again. It went straight to voicemail. I sighed, put my phone in my pocket, and stepped out of the car. I walked up to the apartment, checking the windows for any signs of life. I didn’t see any. I knocked on the door and waited to see if I could hear anything. The door swung open and I stood face-to-face with Candy.
“Uh, hey,” she said, nonchalantly, looking everywhere but in my eyes.
“Hey, these are for you,” I said, thrusting the flowers toward her. She beamed.
“Oh my gosh, these are beautiful,” she said, gathering the roses in her arms and hugging them like they were a long lost friend. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” I said. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you…”
“Yeah, I know,” she said interrupting me. “I’ve just been – there’s a lot going on with me right now. I just need some time to think. I need to concentrate on my business. I’ve been neglecting that. And I’m trying to expand right now. I… can’t really do that and get ahead if my head’s in the clouds with you.”
I felt like someone had kicked me in the chest. I didn’t even know how to respond to that.
So I didn’t. I turned and I walked away.
Was this seriously over before it had ever had the chance to get off the ground?
This must be what heart break felt like. I felt shattered, used.
I didn’t want to feel it. I didn’t want to feel anything.
I knew one way to change my mood and get me out of a funk: partying.
I didn’t think that I would go back to my old partying ways, but I was so upset, I was willing to try anything.
I took out my phone and dialed Rich’s number.
“Hey, Rich, let’s go party tonight.”
I was back with a vengeance.
Chapter Fourteen Candy
A few days had passed since I had talked to Elliot and things with the bakery were
