Your mom and dad saw the show. They were thinking of trying to find me but then saw the segment and decided to call. You are sick. Really sick. They hope that my blood and bone marrow will help. Except, usually a sibling is the best for bone marrow, and you don’t have a sibling.
The hair stands up on my arms. I was sick when I was six. Real sick. I would be dead now without the blood transfusion and a bone marrow transplant.
They took my blood today. We are a match, but now they might not be able to use it because I got a tattoo, and there are rules that you can’t give blood or marrow for a year after getting a tattoo.
I’m sick with worry. And sick that I can’t help you because I got a tattoo. Had I known, I would have never gotten one.
I wish your parents would have contacted me before Thanksgiving. Then, I would be able to give you blood and anything else you need.
All I can do is wait. The doctor is going to try and get whoever is in charge to make an exception.
I’d give anything if I could hold you right now. I’d give you all of my blood, marrow, and organs if it could make you better. All I can do is sit and wait. I am going to try and learn everything I can about this disease though. Mary tried to explain, but I still don’t get it. But with knowledge comes answers, or at least I hope answers, so here’s to learning everything I can about Aplastic Anemia.
The letter drops from my hands and my mouth is hanging open. Aplastic Anemia?
That’s what I had.
Am I Brandy?
Quickly I grab the next letter. My heart’s pounding and my hands are shaking.
Brandy,
It’s Christmas and all I can think about is you. Are you in the hospital or at home? It would suck to spend Christmas in the hospital.
I haven’t heard anything from your mom or the doctor since they tested my blood, and I jump whenever my phone rings, hoping it’s good news about you.
Did you get to sit on Santa’s lap? Do you even still believe in Santa? I hope you do, and I hope he brings you health.
I’ve tried to imagine what kind of toys you’d want. Alex teases me because I once suggested trucks. Just because you are a girl doesn’t mean you wouldn’t want a truck. Though, after seeing you in the hospital, I think dolls are more for you. Or maybe a stuffed animal. But, what do I know about kids’ toys? You may be into electronic things, not cuddly soft things. Oh, I wish I knew. I’ve missed so much already, and I’m scared to death that something horrible might happen and I’ll never get to know you.
I’ve never been much of a praying person, but I’ve been praying a lot for you. Hopefully I’ll hear something soon.
Love,
Kelsey,
Your Mom
Brandy,
I met you today. You probably won’t remember, but I’ll remember always. You are so beautiful. You get your dark curly hair from me. Sorry! I know it’s a pain in the ass to control.
I twist a curl around my finger as tears come to my eyes.
Your grey eyes, so much like Brandon’s. You get them from him.
My heart is pounding. The hair. The eyes. Aplastic Anemia.
I am Brandy. I can hardly wrap my brain around it.
I wish I could remember meeting her in the elevator but I don’t. All I remember from those days was the doctors, the hospitals, and my blood always being taken.
It nearly broke my heart to see you standing with your mom. We shared an elevator at the hospital. I wasn’t expecting to see you, but I recognized your mom from when I interviewed her before agreeing to let her adopt.
I know I wasn’t supposed to, but I talked to you. Your mom was pissed.
There is a no contact clause in the contract. It was a closed adoption. I can’t talk to you or even look at you until you are 18. Even then, you are the one who has to initiate the contact. I can’t. You could decide that you never want to speak to me, and I get it. And, I’ll have to live with that. I just pray that you do want to know me one day. And, I pray that you’ll be able to find it in your heart to forgive me for not keeping you. But, my biggest prayers right now are that the doctors find the bone marrow they need and that the blood transfusion you are getting today helps.
I was told today that they won’t make an exception and allow me to give you blood. It crushed me. It’s killing me to stand by and not be able to help. When I left the doctor’s office, your mom found me and basically warned me to stay away from you. I get it. I really do. I’m not supposed to talk to you, but how could I not when you were standing right next to me?
I did kneel down in that elevator and talk to you. It’s all I could do not to grasp you to me, and the only thing keeping me from doing that was because I didn’t want to scare you. Stranger danger and all of that. I know you, but you have no clue who I am.
I promised your mom that I’d stay out of your life, stay away from you and never talk to you again. I shouldn’t have in the first place, but as I said, how could I not when you were so close?
Alex and I had a fight. He doesn’t get why I agreed to your mom’s demands, and he doesn’t get that I have to honor the contract. Besides, you are already sick and
