I laughed. “You’ve never sounded so Texan in all the time I’ve known you.”
“Strong emotions do that.”
I twisted onto my back and let myself sink under the water, rolled forward and kicked away; knifing through the gentle swells, I held my breath and swam, hard, until my lungs burned. I surfaced, spluttering—I’d swum quite a ways, and Myles was just lounging on the sandbank, watching me. I treaded water for a moment, and then flopped to my back and backstroked back to Myles.
“Feeling better, huh?” he called.
“Not sure if it’s the sun or the water or the swimming or the combination of everything, but yeah, I am.” I kicked myself up onto the sandbank and sat beside Myles. “I need to eat something, I think. And I need time to process what you’re telling me.”
He nodded. “Sounds good. Let’s head back.” He scooted across the sand to the deeper waters. “This happens on your time, Lex. Your time, your way. I’m playing this your way, all right?”
I laughed. “No, you’re not. You’re forcing my hand.” I followed him, swimming beside him.
“Well, yeah, to an extent, because you won’t tackle your shit. I want more from you and for you, and you can’t do that until you take your demons on.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, turning and spitting out salt water.
“Yeah, I fuckin’ do.” He paused, and we swam in silence until he reached the hut and climbed up.
I spied my discarded bikini floating underneath the hut, snagged it, tossed it up on the porch, and climbed up. Myles was inside, still naked, dripping, pulling food items out of the fridge.
“Wait,” I said, leaning against the railing in the sun. “I thought the electricity was on a generator that’s not running.”
He pointed at the roof. “Solar panels on the roof work the fridge, and the lights if we need ’em. The generator is if we need electricity for longer than the solar can provide. If we don’t use the lights or plug anything in, the fridge can run on solar indefinitely.”
“Are you going to just be naked the entire time we’re here?” I asked.
He shrugged, nodded. “Why not?”
I bit my lip, watching his taut ass and rippling back muscles shift as he fixed us a plate of cold cuts, cheese, and fruit, along with two bottles of water. Desire for him ripped through me, and I restrained it with effort. “Yeah, why not…”
He laughed. “If you’re having trouble with me being naked, I can put on some trunks.”
“Trouble? It’s no trouble.”
He glanced at me, noting the way my eyes followed his junk. “Lex.”
I jerked my eyes up to his. “Yeah?”
“This is all about you. Whatever you want, whatever you need. The only thing we’re not going to do is keep avoiding issues and using sex to do so.”
“Well take away all my strategies, why don’t you,” I grumbled.
He sat on a chair, handed me one of the sweating bottles of chilled water. “You’re brave and bold and strong in just about every aspect of your life, Lex. I won’t accept weakness and cowardice from you in this, where it really counts the most.”
“You won’t accept it, huh?” I knew I sounded petulant and angry. “Why’s it up to you?”
He sighed. “Don’t be combative, Lex. Please?”
“It’s the only way I know.”
“Maybe it’s time to start learning new strategies, then.” He smiled. “You can practice on me.”
“Why?”
He rolled prosciutto up with a slice of cheese. “Because you’re better than that. You’re worth more than that.”
“Says you.”
“Yeah, says me.” He handed me the rolled-up cheese and meat. “Would you agree I know you as well as if not better than anyone else?”
I ate it, not looking at him. I nodded, eyes downcast. “Yeah, at least as well as anyone else I know. Weird, considering how brief a time I’ve known you.”
“But we’ve spent every single moment of that time together, waking and sleeping.”
“You say you know what you’re talking about when you tell me I have to face my demons.”
“Because I do.” He paired cheese with a strawberry. “I’ve got my own demons, and I’ve had to face them so I can be a whole person.”
“Like?”
He sighed. “This is what you call being open and vulnerable, so pay attention.” A pause to chew and to think. “My mother abandoned me. Gave me mommy issues. Trust with women issues. Why do you think I’ve never had a real relationship? I don’t trust women to care, to stay, to be trustworthy, because the one who should have, didn’t. I already told you the closest I ever got to a real relationship with a girl was Britt Aubrey, and I know she wanted it to be something. She said as much. It freaked me out. I ran so fast I left tire tracks. It just scared me. She wanted more. She wanted it to be something besides a hookup at a festival. I was honest and said I didn’t think I was ready for that, and it wouldn’t be fair of me to pretend I was, because I didn’t want to hurt her. But the reality—the truth was, I was too chicken back then to face—that I did want more with her, but I didn’t trust her. Didn’t trust her motives. Didn’t trust that if I put my heart into something with her, that she wouldn’t crush it when she got sick of me, like my mom did.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that, so I said nothing, just listened.
Also, why did my heart feel weird at the knowledge that he’d been in love with Britt Aubrey? Why did that make my stomach flip? Why did I not like the idea of him wanting something with someone else that he claimed to want with me?
“I loved my dad and my grandpa, but I didn’t exactly have a normal or stable childhood. I’m more at home in a dive bar than I am a house. I’ve never had a home.
