Kay was so lonely that she had sunk to the stage where shewould give herself to anyone who wanted to take her home. She did it in thehope that they would make her feel wanted for a few hours and with a vague hopethat it might lead on to something more.
In reality, these liaisons rarely extended to even a fewhours. Most of the men she managed to entice back to her flat were in and outin a matter of minutes. As soon as the deed was done, they were off back totheir wives and girlfriends, satisfied now they had enjoyed their little bit ofextra-curricular fun.
Her conquests, if she could call them that, were hardlytrophies she could proudly display on the mantelpiece. They were pretty sadcharacters for the most part, fat and ugly middle-aged men who were onlyinterested in her because they couldn’t pull anyone else. Aware of her rapidlygrowing reputation as the “pub bike”, they were drawn to her not for her fadinglooks but because they knew she was an easy lay.
She was just as aware of this as they were, but herself-esteem was so low she still allowed it to happen. The whole sorrysituation had been going on for months.
But now, the offers were drying up. Kay knew she had letherself go to the point where even the desperadoes were looking elsewhere. Shewas forty-three years old but looked at least fifty. Years of excessive alcoholconsumption to help her get through her miserable marriage had taken theirtoll. She had also taken up chain-smoking again since her husband had kickedher out, after nearly two decades of being smoke-free.
Living alone, she had seen her diet go rapidly downhill.With no motivation to cook any longer, most of her meals were takeaways, andshe couldn’t remember the last time she had eaten any fresh fruit orvegetables. All of these things had contributed to a rapid and premature agingprocess. Her skin was blotchy and looked unhealthy, while her body wasoverweight and sagging in all the wrong places.
These were just the physical signs, but a lack of groomingand personal care had also contributed to the downward slide in her appearance.Things she had once taken for granted, like having her nails done or a trip tothe hairdresser’s, were now things of the past. She couldn’t even afford to dyeher hair anymore to keep the ravages of time at bay. Consequently, in a veryshort time her once beautiful blonde locks had become unkempt and greying.
She could see all this every time she looked in the mirrorbut tried to justify it to herself as being down to the inevitability of aging.She couldn’t say the same for the state of her teeth, however. She had beenmeticulous in looking after them over the course of her life, with electrictoothbrushes, regular dentist visits and lots of flossing. She had pridedherself on reaching her forties without ever having to have as much as afilling.
Sadly, no amount of care could have prepared them for anextremely unpleasant incident that had taken place a couple of months ago. Thewife of a man she’d taken home for a one-night stand had turned up thefollowing day, hammering on the door of her flat.
When Kay hadn’t answered, the woman kicked the front doorin, easily shattering the flimsy lock, and then proceeded to beat the crap outof her, screaming obscenities as she went. Kay had no chance to explain thatshe hadn’t known the man was married before the woman attacked her.
The man had conveniently forgotten to mention that he had awife, but then they rarely did. Kay doubted that even if she had been given timeto protest her innocence the woman would have taken any notice. Saying shedidn’t know was a pretty flimsy excuse after all.
By the time her assailant had mercifully departed, she hadleft Kay minus most of her front teeth. With no money for dental treatment inher impoverished state, she now had no choice but to go around looking likesome horrible, toothless old crone. To top it all, her landlord, despitewitnessing the woman smashing in the door downstairs, still made Kay pay for anew lock.
Since she had lost the teeth, she had found men very hard tocome by. Perhaps that in itself wasn’t such a bad thing. Deep down, she feltquite disgusted with herself for taking men home with her to the extent thatshe had. There had been at least a dozen in the past eight months and none ofthem had satisfied her need to feel wanted in any way. All they had done wasselfishly and emotionlessly thrust away inside her with not the slightestconsideration of her needs.
They had been using her and she had been letting them do it.Kay knew things had to change, but she didn’t know how. She was stuck in a rutand seemed incapable of breaking out of it. Most days she started with goodintentions but nothing ever seemed to go her way. When every night was spent inthe pub with the same old people, one day just merged into the next in one longcycle going round and round again. After a few drinks any good intentions soonwent out of the window.
For the past six months she had been working in the towncentre for a branch of a High Street chain of stores. She had started out onthe tills, but she had been moved into the stockroom not long after she hadlost her teeth. Her job now consisted primarily of locating and bringing outitems that customers had ordered. Her manager had said she had been reassigneddue to a reorganisation, but nobody else had been moved.
One day she was out of sight behind the back door on acigarette break when she heard a couple of the other girls gossiping about her.They were joking that she wasn’t allowed on the tills anymore because she wasfrightening the children.
