She blinks at me. “Wow.”
“What?”
“Did you take asay-all-the-right-things-pill?”
I let out a laugh. My stomacheases a bit. “I’ve had a lot of time to think. I’ve been a badperson, and I want to be better for you. For us.”
“You’re not bad, Jade. You’rejust really intense, sometimes.”
She looks out the passengerwindow and I hear her start to cry. I reach over and touch hershoulder. “Are you okay?”
“I can’t come back with you,Jade. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”
My stomach re-clenches, and itfeels like my veins are flooding with icy water. “Annie, don’t dothis.”
“Everything has changed now.It’s not the same as it was and it will never be the sameagain.”
“What are you talking about? Isit because of what Robbie did?”
“No…I mean…a consequence of it,yes.”
“Annie, please, tell me what thehell is going on.”
She grabs a Kleenex from herpocket and wipes her eyes and nose. “God, I don’t want to tell you,but I guess I have no choice. You’re here.”
She turns and looks at me. Hereyes are wet and red.
“Because of what happened thatnight, with Robbie, I was left with something. A—” Her breathshudders, and she has to regain her composure. “A reminder.”
“What? What does that mean? Hegave you a disease or something?”
“Jade, I’m pregnant, okay?There. I fucking said it. Now you know.”
I hear her words, but I can’tabsorb them. I just stare at her. She doesn’t meet my eyes. Shekeeps her gaze on Stinky’s head, which she’s stroking with shakingfingers.
This can’t be happening. Thischanges everything—forever.
Even though I feel like I knowless about Annie every minute that passes, I do know one thing forsure. She would never get an abortion. What is she thinking, then?Adoption? The questions burn my throat, but I don’t dare ask. Ourrelationship is too volatile for those kinds of questions rightnow.
“Annie.” I struggle for wordsand end up saying the truth. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Why?” She lets out a sob andpresses a hand to her mouth. “Because I repulse you?”
“Why the hell would you repulseme?”
She finally looks at me. “Youknow damn well why.”
I look into her eyes. “Whathappened to you wasn’t your fault. And it’s not the baby’s.” Shetakes a shuddering breath and I grab her hand. “But are you sureyou’re pregnant? I mean, it’s only been a short time since youwere...since Robbie and you…”
“Of course, I’m sure. After thatnight, I was expecting my period anytime but it never came. As youknow, my cycle is like clockwork, I’m never late.”
I nod. “I just wanted to know ifyou were sure? As I was saying before, it’s not your fault and Iwouldn’t never judge the baby for what happened. A long time ago,when Denny was young and started acting nuts, my father told mymother that he was born bad. It’s one of the only memories I haveof her getting angry and standing up to my father. She spat at him,snarled really, that all babies are born innocent. I’ve alwaysbelieved that.”
Annie lowers her head and gentlystrokes Stinky’s fur with the hand not holding mine. She nods,tears still sliding down her cheeks.
“Annie, I’m not denying thatthis is a huge fucking shock. All I’m saying is that we shouldn’tlet it tear us apart.”
She squeezes her eyes shut. “Itried, Jade. I tried to stay, really. I wanted to. But that morningwhen I woke up and you were sleeping, all I had was the memory ofwhat happened. I know it was wrong, but I just couldn’t stay inthat house one more minute.”
I nod, trying to understand.Trying not to hear the bitterness in the words ‘that house’. “Iunderstand, Annie. But if we let it destroy us, Robbie wins.”
She lifts her head, sniffs andlooks into my eyes. “I can’t, Jade. I love you, but I’m just notready.”
I hold back my tears—I have tobe strong, though I’m seconds from collapsing. I know what’s goingto happen. She’s going to stay in Vancouver, and when she’s readyto live again, she’s going to meet someone else. Why wouldn’t she?Why wouldn’t she want to restart with someone not connected withthe worst day of her life?
I say nothing. There’s nothingleft to say. I drive back to the apartment, pull up in thealleyway, and stare straight ahead. I can’t look at her.
“Jade, I’ll be in touch,okay?”
I accept the lie with a nod, myeyes still on the dark alley. I’m glad that Stinky is in betweenus. She’d probably try and hug me, and I wouldn’t be able to handlethat.
She gets out of the cab. I waituntil I see her disappear into the building before I let out thesob that’s been sitting in my throat. I put my head down on thesteering wheel and grip my hair. Stinky whines next to me and pawsmy leg.
I take a couple of breaths, thenI grab a smoke out of the cubby and roll down the window halfway. Isit there, blowing smoke out the window, my hand on Stinky’s softbody. When I’ve finished my smoke, I put the truck in reverse andlook in the rear-view mirror.
In the glow of my tail lights, Isee a still figure, clouded by the exhaust. What the hell? I putthe truck in park and then open my door to look.
Annie stands there, soaking wet,her chest heaving.
My heart rises in my chest andmy skin feels electrified. I open the door and jump out. She meetsme halfway and we clutch each other tight. My hair is saturated inten seconds. It was, of course, the worst day I could have chosento wear mascara .
“I’m cold,” Annie murmurs intomy neck after a minute. “Let’s get in the truck.”
I nod. Then I reach into mypocket and pull out the small box. I grab her hand and then kneelin the cold river of water that’s flowing over the alley. With myhair stuck to my face and my raccoon eyes, I look up at her.“Annie, I love you. I want us to be together. You, me, and mostimportantly,
