“ELENA!” Lee squawked, sitting up straight. “Seriously? How did that work out for you the last time, huh?”
I shrugged, still reeling over Brianna's betrayal. “I was young and dumb.”
“Well, now you're a lot older and a lot dumber for doing it again!”
I felt her eyes burning into the side of my head, but I wasn't giving in. I knew she only had my best interest at heart, but she needed to accept that times were changing. I wasn't going to meet my one-and-only the old-fashioned way as she had. That ship had sailed long ago.
“It was a fluke, dude.”
“It was online dating, 101! You're lucky you only met a few creeps!” she snapped.
I glanced over with a scowl. “Look, it’s a last-ditch effort before I say fuck it, adopt thirty cats, and move into a cabin in the woods for good.”
She scowled right back, unimpressed. “That isn't effort, girlfriend.”
“Meeting guys in bars doesn't work for me, Lee,” I contended, a knot forming in the pit of my stomach. “Blind dates are a solid no, and speed dating was a disaster. Don't even get me started on clubbing.”
“But hey, you got some fun stories out of it!”
I gritted my teeth. “I'm lucky I didn't get fun diseases out of it too.” There had been a lot of good, bad, and ugly pre and post-Justin.
“Nothing a little penicillin couldn't fix,” She winked and continued to try to get into my phone to no avail. “But seriously, I'm the queen of poor life choices, and I don't fuck with online dating.”
She was full of it, but I wasn't going to chase her down over it. Jesse was her high school sweetheart, and they had a beautiful family together. I never met a couple more crazy in love.
“Well, you're married, so...” I trailed, rolling my eyes. Compared to me, she was Mary fucking Poppins even with her trucker mouth that was rubbing off on me.
“Before I was married, jackass!”
“Was the internet even around then?” I quipped.
“Ha fucking ha,” she deadpanned. “Seriously, you'd risk your life for some dick?”
“Well, damn, you don't have to make me sound so desperate!”
She was being extreme. I used precautions and never met anyone alone. Hell, I shot down Bear's offer of sex despite wanting nothing more than to ride my mystery man into the night.
“It's not only desperate but dangerous, Elena. You're pretty. You're funny. Go twerk down the aisle at the supermarket or wear a low-cut tank top at a hardware store like women have done for centuries.”
“Centuries?” I laughed, picturing a Victorian woman scoping out a wagon and prospective husbands in a bustier.
“Yes, ma'am. Centuries.”
“It's not dangerous. They vet members with full background checks.” I submitted fingerprints and the whole shebang. They even run my credit report for crying out loud.
Unimpressed, she continued to glare. “Let me see!” she demanded, thrusting my phone at me to unlock.
I grabbed it, unlocking the screen and opening the app. I minimized my conversation with Bear, avoiding that mess entirely. I handed it back over, letting her see for herself. She'd never take my word alone on it.
She snatched it up, eyes skimming the screen hungrily. She tapped away, and with a few tries, she revealed my main page. “Is this your dating profile?”
“Yes.”
“Eek!” Her face contorted. “You need to spruce this sucker up. You sound boring as hell.”
“I am boring as hell! I live alone with my cat!”
“Well, lie a little! Spice things up! Say you like a little ass play or something!” she shot back.
“You're worried about my safety, but you want me to falsely broadcast to the world I like ass play?” I snapped.
“Okay, so you have a point...” She took a swig of wine, staring at my info blurb. “Spunk it up a little. You're not that lame.”
“I'll think about it,” I lied, knowing damn well I wasn't changing a thing.
I was sure I found my first match. If he and I didn't mix well, I'd likely go underground for a bit to recuperate. “Maybe I'll embrace my inner Lee and come up with something wild.”
She continued to swipe away, frowning. “Where are all your pictures? Are you showing some tatas? A little labia?”
I cringed, knowing she was about to freak. But she had to find out, eventually. “There are no pictures.”
She snapped her head up. “Oh, hell no! Why aren't there any pictures!?”
“The premise is to be more about privacy and personality initially. If you make a solid connection, then you move onto appearances.”
“Are you kidding me? What if the person on the other end is Vlad the Impaler?”
“Good thing he's dead, so we can rule him out.”
“You know what I mean!” she hissed, staring back at the phone. “What if some guy is a psycho stalker?”
“I guess I'll learn the hard way.”
“Well, that's a shit answer. I'm serious, El.” She sat up and set her wine down on the coffee table, looking over with pleading eyes. “You're like my sister, and I don't want anything to happen to you. You have people that love you and care about you.”
“I'll be fine.”
“You always do this! You always do whatever and get burned in the end!”
Ouch.
“I already told you that all members do a full background check for security. You don't get that at a bar or grocery store.”
“I've never met a murderer while picking up cereal!” she grumbled, nose scrunched.
“Not that you know of,” I replied. “Look, everyone on the app has been fully checked out and cleared. I'm not worried. It's way safer than risking getting roofied at a bar on a Saturday.”
She glared at me, unimpressed, but went back to exploring the app. “Can you send nudes?”
“Really?”
“What? It's a valid question. What if you want to inspect what you're diving into?”
“You can send photos. They're not posted on your profile for everyone to see, and it's not like other sites where your inbox is inundated with penis.
