I blocked it out with my usual remedy of junk food and crime shows, pangs of sadness striking as night fell. As fantastic as the sex was, I’d miss my talks with him more. He was a fixture in my routine, stirring up laughs and conversation. We grew close in our little world, and it hurt to know someone existed who I melded so well with yet couldn’t have.
But I didn’t regret a thing, and I never would. Bear allowed me to feel again. I wouldn’t hop back on Privately for a while, but I’d be thankful while I took a breather and regrouped.
Before I knew it, the alarm was blasting Monday morning, and the sun peeked through the blinds, an unfortunate reminder of the day ahead.
Guilt ate at me as I showered, knowing I'd have to craft lies to cover things up. I never lied to Lee, not even about the breakup and the debt fallout. Sometimes I was more hesitant, but the truth always came out. In this case, it couldn’t. The stakes were too high. One whiff we’d even kissed, and it was game over.
I was still sore, the walk inside a careful battle between looking natural and moving comfortably. If someone asked if I went horseback riding, I wouldn’t be able to hold the laughter at bay, and if Lee saw, I was busted. Luckily no one was around to witness the waddle, and I settled in without an audience.
One by one, staff wandered in, the Monday morning blues arriving as scheduled. There was a steady murmur of weekend chatter that served as a grounding force, tethering me down before I floated off.
I was still on cloud nine, giddy from dipping my toes in the forbidden pond. Psh. Who was I kidding? I skinny-dipped, snorkeled, and scuba dived in it. I was a regular spelunker in the underwater caves of Jason Barrett.
“Why so quiet, El?” asked Lee, glancing over in concern.
I shook my head with a deep breath, finishing up an email. “The usual. Another Monday, right?”
Apparently, I wasn't too convincing, as she narrowed her eyes. “Everything good?”
“Great.” I smiled, turning back to my screens, dodging her.
“You're lying.”
“No, really. Things are great outside of this place.”
She opened her mouth to pounce, but a booming greeting cut her off. “Good morning, ladies!” We both jumped in surprise, whirling to see Jason standing side by side with Marty.
He was smiling, his usual suit abandoned for a crisp button-down and dress slacks. His hair was tousled, a few strands escaping its typical taming, jaw darkened with last night's shadow, a stark change from his clean-cut ways.
I wondered if his new relaxed look had anything to do with his latest form of stress relief: me. I forced the thought away and offered a weak greeting in return, attention shifting back to work as I tapped away.
I heard a throat clear and glanced up to see him staring my way, awaiting attention. “Glad you could join us, Ms. Julian.” It was a regular Jason jab, though I swore I heard the faintest hint of humor in there, confirmed by the mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
“Sorry,” I muttered, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling.
“I wanted to talk to each of you today,” he announced, looking from Monica to Lee and finally me. “Privately.”
I bit down harder.
“I have a few morning calls, but I'll buzz you down. Nothing of concern. I want to chat about your role, how it may change, and any expectations either of us may have.”
I raised an eyebrow at the last bit. I thought we were clear about what happened.
“Keep kicking ass, and I'll see you shortly.”
As suddenly as he arrived, he was gone, disappearing with Marty.
“Someone got their dick touched,” Lee muttered.
I burst into laughter, unable to hold it in. It had been more than touched. I could still remember the taste of him on my lips: salty, musty, and impossibly hot. “Really, Lee?”
She grinned wickedly. “Well, yeah. He's Mr. Jerkoff 24/7, but now he's friendly.”
“Hey! A little nookie never hurt anyone!” I defended with a wink.
“Speaking of that...” she trailed, eyes narrowing. “You never let me know how the date went with the Bear guy.”
She was full of potatoes, obviously annoyed I didn’t go into detail in our texts. “I told you it was good.”
“Just good? Seriously? You were jittery about it all week, and it was just good?”
“Okay, it was great.” I smiled, deciding that was as much slack as I would give her to run with.
“Like how great?” she pushed.
“Like there's potential there.” It pained me to admit it, but I couldn’t lie about the connection between us. If I declared a loss, Lee would want too much information I didn’t have.
“Oh, yeah?”
I nodded.
She studied me carefully before standing, leaning into my cube. “You fucked him, didn't you?” she accused in a hushed whisper.
I shot daggers her way, irritated that she could read me so easily.
“REALLY?” she exploded, all eyes suddenly turning our way.
“Seriously?” I hissed, fuming at the flurry of attention.
“That's such a cool shortcut!” she exclaimed, throwing them off the trail while eating me alive with her glare.
“You're ridiculous.”
“You're keeping stuff from me, El. Not cool.” She crossed her arms, looking genuinely hurt.
It was a knife through the heart. I hated hiding anything from her.
“No, I'm not. It's new, that's all. I want to get a feel for it.”
“Oh, you got a feel for it, I'm sure.”
“Lee...” I warned. I didn't want nosy coworkers to hear about my sex life.
“Do you have a pic?” she asked. “Now, I'm dying to know what he looks like.”
“No.”
“Why?” Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
“Because that would be creepy?” I replied, arching a brow.
“But sleeping together right away isn't?” she shot back, taking a bite of her bagel, an everyday overstuffed monstrosity that never affected her slim frame.
“Not really...” I trailed, shrugging. I wasn't one for sleeping around, but I had one-night stands
