Emmy slept next to the sofa in her new bassinet. Alissa had picked one that flipped up to rock like a cradle. The canopy was covered in white lace, and a free-flowing, pleated skirt accented the bottom. A purple ribbon that matched the piping on the canopy wrapped the skirt and had been tied in a bow at the front. Tiny whimpers emanated from within, causing Braxton to glance over and make sure everything was okay.
When he was confident that his little girl was fine, he glanced back at the paper in his hand. He’d been overwhelmed by the instructions the social worker had provided, forcing him to question if he was ready for this daunting task.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR INFANT CARE
Feed every two to three hours even if they are sleeping and in 2–4-ounce servings
Baby should be in a semi-sitting position when feeding
You can burp your baby either in a lying, sitting, or over-the-shoulder position
Your baby may sleep anywhere from twelve to twenty hours a day but don’t expect them to sleep through the night.
Let your baby sleep on its back
Rest when your baby rests
Never let your baby sleep more than five hours at a time
Bath your baby every two to three days
Gently wipe from front to back when changing diapers. For the first four weeks, avoid baby powder.
To avoid diaper rash, keep the diaper area clean and dry. In case of diaper rash, use the zinc oxide paste of your choice or petroleum jelly like A&D Ointment
Keep the baby’s umbilical cord dry and clean. It will fall off in about twelve to fourteen days
Wash bottles in hot soapy water and always check the nipples for cracking or tears.
Check your baby’s temperature via armpit for the first ninety days
The acceptable temperature range is 97.7 to 99.5. If your baby’s temperature exceeds the normal range, call your doctor
Christ, how am I going to remember all of this? This is worse than having to memorize the periodic table. He set the alarm on the phone for two and a half hour increments so he wouldn’t miss a feed.
When he felt confident he had everything under control, he decided he might as well sleep while his little one did. At least, that was what the paper had told him to do. Without wasting any time, he kicked off his shoes and stretched his body as much as was allowed on the sofa. Blowing out a big breath of air, Braxton forced himself to relax, allowing himself to sink into the sofa and close his eyes.
“Whaaaa. Whaaaa.”
Braxton had fallen asleep for a very short time and the sound of Emmersyn crying had his body shooting straight off the sofa. Kneeling beside her bassinet, he reached in, brushing his finger along her face hoping this would calm her. Her high-pitched wails continued to fill the room and rip at his heart.
“Shhh, caterpillar. Daddy’s here.” He lifted her next to his body. “I’ve got you, little one.” Running a finger inside the leg of her diaper as the nurse had instructed, he checked to see if she had a wet diaper. Sure enough, it was soaked. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Daddy’s going to clean you up.”
Braxton carried his crying daughter toward her room. Once inside, he ran down the list of items he’d need—diaper, wipes, and ointment: check. Her cries grew louder as he removed the soiled diaper from her skin and wiped her little behind with a cold, wet wipe.
Feeling helpless, he tried to calm her with a few words he hoped she’d understand. “Shush, sweetie, I’m moving as fast as I can.”
“Whaaa. Whaaa.” Her howls got louder and louder, until she was hiccupping between each of her cries. Tears continued to roll down her tiny cheeks faster than before.
Braxton wasn’t sure what to do. He laid her in her crib while he contemplated what to do next. The list the nurse gave him, the one he had studied relentlessly was now a blank space in his mind. He couldn’t think and his already frazzled state was growing even more so with each whimper of distress from Emmy. “I’m sorry I suck at this.” Braxton peered down at his daughter, her cheeks pink from screeching. He had to comfort her somehow. Running his hand down his face, he shook off as much of the bad juju as he could. “Here goes nothing.”
He wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince, himself or his baby girl. With a binkie in hand, he tried to tantalize her with the one thing she had always liked. But it was no use. Each time he placed it in her mouth, she spat it back out.
“Screw it,” he said in frustration, unsure of what to do next.
His shuffled from foot to foot as he did his best to swaddle Emmy the way he was shown at the hospital, and hoped that it would work. He raised her in the air before tucking her tight against him. He rocked and swayed from side to side, trying to soothe her with every step he took, but it wasn’t working either. Nothing was working, and he felt as if he wanted to run away and hide from everyone.
He knew it was his anxiety talking but he had no idea how to shut it up. Her little face was bright red and got redder with each shrieking yelp she made. He was sure she could sense his unease too, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake the feeling. He began to grasp at anything he could think of to help soothe her. One by one, he wiggled stuffed animals in her face but nothing silenced her wails.
Music, that’s it.
“How about it, Emmy? Let’s see if this works.” Still holding her, he placed a CD in the music player on her dresser. As he turned out the lights, the sound of a beating heart filled the room. What the hell? He’d expected music to filter through the speakers, but a heartbeat softly thudded
