“I love you,” she says, squeezing my hand again.
“Love you too, Roux.”
“Loden said he’ll come by later after Jordy picks me up. That way you won’t have to be alone until Cal gets off work.”
“I’ll be fine,” I assure her.
“I know,” she says, “but we care about you and don’t want you to be by yourself.”
In all honesty, I’ve appreciated the flooding of friends and family. Every time I turn around, someone is coming to visit me. Yesterday afternoon, I watched a Disney movie in bed with Sebban and Hollis. Last night, Loden and I ate ice cream while watching Cal and Terrence paint the living room, both shirtless. This morning, Dad swung by to pick me up and take me to my doctor appointment. Tomorrow, Penny will be over with Mom to bring groceries.
“They tried to break me,” I tell Roux, my voice hardening, “but they couldn’t do it.”
“No,” she agrees, “they couldn’t.”
“I really am going to be okay.”
Another squeeze to my hand. “I know.”
“You think I could turn Terrence gay?” Loden asks from one end of the sofa.
“I don’t think it works like that.”
“But, like, he cracked his head open. Maybe he forgot he’s straight. Have you seen him with anyone since he woke up?” Loden toys with his tongue ring, as though he’s really pondering this.
“He’s not gay. You can’t will it into existence just because you saw him shirtless and now want to bone him. Besides, you can’t fuck any of my friends. That’ll mess everything up.”
He pouts. “What about your brother? I know he’s gay.”
“That’s a surefire way to get murdered by a hot fireman.”
“Maybe that was my goal all along,” he teases. “Your dad? I’d totally do your dad in a second.”
“You’re such a creep,” I groan. “Go home.”
“Nope,” he says, swatting my thigh. “Not until big Daddy with the pierced dick shows up to save the day. Until then, I’m your babysitter. Lucky you. Wanna do some butt sex while we wait?”
Neither of us laughs.
“Fuck,” he grumbles. “I’m trying to be good, but that joke wasn’t funny. I know…after what happened…the last thing you want to think about is sex.”
I smack his arm. “Stop. Please be you. If you’re not you then I can’t be me and I really, really need to be me.”
He snuggles close, dropping his head in my lap. Because of what we went through and how we met in rehab, I feel like Loden understands my pain on some level. I’m thankful to have him living minutes away. I stroke my fingers through his messy black hair, enjoying the peacefulness his nearness brings. Both he and Roux are my emotional rocks. I need them more than ever during this time.
The door snicks open and then heavy footsteps thud into the cabin. My heart rate races with anticipation. Cal appears, his coat dusted in snow, green eyes lasered in on me.
“Hey, loser.”
“Hey,” I say back, smiling.
“Get off my woman, Lo,” Cal grunts, shedding his coat. “I don’t like when I can smell you on her. Makes me want to piss on her leg after.”
Loden snorts. “Fucking nasty fucker.” Loden lifts up, smacking me right on the lips with a sloppy kiss to piss off Cal, and then grabs his coat. “See you dirty bitches later. I’m going to go into town to see if I can get laid. I’m in the mood for a filthy cowboy. Got any of those here in Hood River?”
“This is Oregon, not Montana. Get the hell out of my house, asshole.”
Despite their crude words, they fist bump as Loden leaves. Cal’s good hand of course. His other hand is in an orange cast. He fucked it up pretty badly when beating up Ryan. When he finally let them look at it, he ended up having to have surgery right away. Dad says it’ll take a lot of therapy on his part to get it working like normal. He has pins in some of his fingers, but the comical part of it is that the way they did the cast, his thumb always sticks out. I know how much he loves that thumb.
Cal strides over to me and leans down to give me a kiss. He’s handsome as ever in his dress clothes and tie he has to wear to school. His earthy, pine and mountain scent saturates the air around him, bringing a sense of peace over me. I’m overwhelmed by how much I love him and need him. How much I want him. He’s gentle as he brushes a finger over the bandage on my neck. So far, according to Dad and the doctor, it’s healing nicely.
“Want me to run you a bath?” he asks, pulling away slightly.
Always pulling away.
Always gentle.
“I want to have sex,” I blurt out. Even as I say the words, I choke on a sob.
“Charlotte—”
“You don’t think I’m ready. Got it.” I shove my thumbs-up right in his face, blinking back bitter tears. “Great talk.”
His jaw clenches, fire blazing in his intense, green eyes. “You didn’t let me talk, woman.”
A tear of embarrassment races down my cheek. “So talk.”
“I was going to say I’m worried I’ll be too rough for you.” His gaze darkens. “It wasn’t a problem before, but what if now, you can’t handle it?”
His words make my blood run cold. I’m right back to that night. Screaming and fighting. Losing.
“Never mind,” I mutter.
He stands upright to his full height. “Want me to make you some dinner?”
“Nope.”
His eyes lock onto mine as he unties his tie. He pulls it away from his neck and pins me with a glare. “Since when do you give up, loser?”
I flip him the bird.
He unbuttons his shirt, a cruel, beautiful smirk on his face. “You have claws, Charlotte. Fucking use them. This bratty
